Thursday, September 26, 2019

Some Companies Want to Ban All Workplace Physical Contact. A Real Story


I have never been much of a person to touch others in the workplace. I worked in one place where a guy was called clammy hands who would shake your hand and send shivers up your spine. I've seen guys give females unwanted shoulder rubs. I've seen females give guys unwanted punches in the face. The list of unwanted physical contact in the workplace is long. I'm sure this has led to many contacts with Human Resources.

“There is a man working here who was giving me unwanted physical contact.”
“You work for a chiropractor. He was giving you a free examination.”
“Oh, he has to touch me to examine me?”
“Are you sure you work here at the chiropractor's office?”
“I clean the office after everyone goes home. It still counts.”

Some companies have decided to ban all physical contact in the workplace. I guess that means no handshakes, no goodbye hugs and no resuscitation from co-workers should your heart stop beating.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


A survey by TotalJobs found that three out of four people want all physical contact banned at work. The idea is to remove confusion over what kind of touch is appropriate.

Some companies are now considering whether they should prohibit handshakes.
“I think that’s going a little too far. I’ve never had a problem with it,” one woman said.
“I think it’s a show of mutual respect,” said one man.

I can honestly say I am a member of the workforce who has never had a desire to touch anyone where I've worked. I know the feeling has always been mutual with my co-workers.

“Good morning, how are you?
“I'm happy and happy to not touch you.”
“I'm also happy this morning and words can't accurately describe how much I am glad no touching will occur between us.”
“It's going to be a good day.”
“I agree.”

I could see a woman in an office struggling to carry a box and asking a guy for help. He may refuse on the grounds there is the possibility of inappropriate touching occurring. A boss could give their employee a very sentimental gift and tell them as part of the gift, they won't show any harmless affection in front of the other employees. It's easier to look like you're a very cold and unfeeling boss than risk breaking a ban on touching.


“We would really have to rewrite all of the etiquette books, because that really is a priority,” etiquette expert Dorlisa Goodrich Young said.
Young says a systematic ban on handshakes doesn’t seem likely, but in order to keep it professional, there are some things you need to know.
“It is a medium grip and we meet the web of the other person, so when we do this, we are really locking the web and we are not doing the fingertips,” Young said.

Oh, this is great. I've been shaking people's hands for decades, who knew such an act now comes with instructions.

Two people in a workplace meet for the first time and shake hands.

“I'm sorry, you failed.”
“What?”
“You failed at handshaking.”
“How?”
“You didn't lock the web and did fingertips. Were you raised on an island farm in the Pacific ocean where you learned to shake hands by practicing with farm animals?”
“No, I learned by practicing with my uncle who is the CEO of the company.”
“Oh.”


There are a few other big no-nos when trying to earn respect with the standard U.S. greeting.

Anything longer than two shakes is a shake too many.

(Sarcasm Alert)

I've heard it's like that with a lot of things. (Snicker, snicker, snicker)

If you go past the two shake limit is there a workplace referee who will blow a whistle and assess a foul? Could you be placed in the corporate penalty box for excessive handshaking?

“I'm sorry, Jenkins, but you won't be able to come to the presentation.”
“Why?”
“You greeted a new employee and went over the two shake limit on your handshake.”
“I know, but he is my cousin who I haven't seen for several years.”
“This is a company Jenkins, not a repository for family reunions. Do your family handshaking on your own time.
“Okay.”


Since it seems handshakes are here to stay, what if you’re not feeling well?
Young said you simply should offer an explanation of not wanting to spread germs before denying the shake.

It would be an interesting workplace if one employee told others they can't shake hands because they are not sure if they have the bubonic plague until the test results come back. I bet that person would get plenty of personal space.

And if you don’t want to get sick from someone else, Young advises to be polite, shake their hand and discretely use some hand sanitizer afterward.

Have the people who recommended this spend more than one-weekend watching reruns of the show Monk? Maybe companies could ban all physical contact but require employees to always have hand sanitizer on their person should that unanticipated physical contact occur.

Here is a link to the story.





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