President Obama the Oblivious

I have never been a big fan of Barrack Obama as the president of the United States.  However, I am always impressed with what he does get away with as president.  If he were ever to give a speech about how to achieve success by not taking responsibility for any of the decisions you make, I would pay whatever was ever asked.  I am constantly amazed at how president Obama has turned incompetence into an acceptable way to govern the United States.  He never has any idea what is happening in our country, and it has gotten him to be a two term president.  Amazing!

IRS Scandal

In a story done by Foxnews president Obama is quoted as saying “I can assure you that I certainly did not know anything about the (inspector general) report" beforehand.”

AP Phone Records Scandal

According to an article in Business Insider the White House knew nothing about the Department of Justice getting the phone records of the Associated Press or other media outlets.

“Other than press reports, we have no knowledge of any attempt by the Justice Department to seek phone records of the AP,” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters in New York Monday night.

Obamacare Failed Website

According to a CNN story, Kathleen Sebelius said “President Barack Obama didn’t hear that there may be problems with the sign-up portal for his signature health care law until it went live on October 1. That’s when the site nosedived into a technical abyss.”

NSA Spying

It appears the National Security Agency has been listening in on conversations of leaders around the world including the Pope.  It appears president Obama knew nothing about it.  According to an article in the Wall Street Journal

"President Barack Obama went nearly five years without knowing his own spies were bugging the phones of world leaders."

I would like to suggest that now is the time for president Barrack Obama to address the nation.  He needs to do what he can to restore confidence in his presidency, our country and the way American leaders do things.  Since I am a loyal and patriotic American, I have written a speech for our president.   It’s the least I can do for my country.

President Barrack Obama’s Speech to the Nation

By J. Michael Krivyanski

          My fellow Americans.  I know recent events have led many American citizens, leaders from around the world, as well as members of the U.S. and international media to believe I have no idea what I’m doing as president.  I assure you this could not be further from the truth.  As you will see, when I explain the reality behind these false accusations, it has only happened because these leaders and the media outlets are racists who refuse to blame George Bush as they should.

          If anyone thinks I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to being president, they should be aware it’s not my fault.  I like to travel around giving speeches telling people how horrible Republicans are for the country.  Doing this grew from a hobby to a full-time activity.  One day I gave a speech and a bunch of balloons dropped on me and people started chanting my name.  How was I supposed to know I had been elected president?  I thought I had just won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

          The next thing I know I’m in this huge house with my family.  There is this great office where I can go to all the time. I like to put up my feet on the desk and relax.  Can you imagine my confusion when people kept coming into that office disturbing me and saying things like “Mr. President you’ve got to decide this and you’ve got to do that and now it’s time for your golf game?”

          I understood the golf part but kept looking around for this president person they wanted to speak with.  You’ll never know the shock I experienced when I realized they were actually speaking to me.  I tried to tell them I was only there because I won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, but nobody listened to me.  I really felt stuck.

          I thought the job could play to my strengths.  I saw Cambridge police acting stupidly and that I understood.  I had them over to the house for beer and I know about beer.  This guy Bin Laden was shot and people kept telling me I did it.  I was playing cards when it happened, but if this meant I could make more speeches and talk down Republicans why not?  

          Then these people kept telling me about naming the entire American healthcare system after me and calling it “Obamacare.”  To make that happen I did what I do best, I gave speeches and talked down Republicans.  I never saw a reason to know what I was saying or if it actually meant anything.  I just read what was on the teleprompter.  Why is everyone upset with me?  I knew the Teaparty didn’t like it, but I thought that was because I was a coffee drinker.

          Then I again won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes or was elected president or whatever.  All I know for sure is this meant me and the family got to stay in the nice big house for a couple more years. I was able to continue playing golf and giving speeches about horrible Republicans.  I thought it was a good fit.

          As far as the IRS scandal goes I had no idea tax people were picking on the Teaparty.  This group should know if you anger a bunch of coffee drinking IRS agents bad things will happen.  When the head of the IRS came over to the house, we’d have a nice meal and then play the latest version of Zelda with the kids.  I had no idea there was a problem. 

          The Associated Press scandal isn’t my fault.  I didn’t wiretap those media people.  I was busy playing golf and the latest version of Zelda with my kids.  It’s the same thing with the NSA.  Why would I tap the German Chancellor’s phone when I don’t even speak German?  Think about it.  As far as this Benghazi thing goes, try to understand I just recently learned that Libya was an actual country and the part of the Marine Corp hymn that goes “to the shores of Tripoli” is actually referring to a place in Libya.  I gave speeches about the video guy in Los Angeles causing all the problems.  If that isn’t good enough, it’s just too bad.

          Everyone is always upset about the country’s budget.  It’s not my fault the Republicans won’t give me exactly what I want.  How can you blame me just because I have spent more money than all previous presidents combined?  No other president has had to pay the prices for golf equipment or to play a game of Zelda like me.  It only makes sense I’d be the one to have a highest budget.

          Now those coffee drinker hating members of the Tea Party are all upset about Obamacare.  I bet if the nation had named the healthcare system after them, there wouldn’t be any problems.  So what if the website is a total failure?  Yeah, I know we spent over six hundred million dollars and took three years to build a website that failed, but you know we at least tried.  

I know most people think I told blatant lies about Obamacare to get it passed into law.  All I can tell you is that I just said what was on the teleprompter.  Don’t you see the teleprompter is to blame in all of this?  I know people don’t like the government health insurance being offered.  I understand people are losing their health insurance by the thousands as well as having their rates increasing out of their budget, but what can I do?  I say take it up with that damn teleprompter.  I bet it’s a Republican teleprompter that was built by the Tea Party, which makes sense to me.

          In closing I’m certain you all feel better now you can fully understand my situation.  All I’m saying is if you feel I’m incompetent, you’re a racist, bigot, homophobe who doesn’t do anything for his mom on Mother’s Day.  Always remember it’s George Bush’s fault, and I had nothing to do with whatever it is you’re upset about.

          Good night and don't forget I am Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes winner, I mean president or whatever.  Before you ask, there will be more pictures of me playing golf coming your way and just wait until you see the outfit Michelle picked out for me.  You’re going to be impressed.

I’m always willing to help our president.  He is free to use this prepared speech at any time without cost.  I guarantee it will work well on a teleprompter.

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