I knew it was going to happen one day. Gone will be the vile and disgusting smell of flatulence. The only thing remaining will be the fun sound. No more holding your nose and running when someone lets one go in a small confined space. No more comments about something dead being inside someone. That will soon be a faded memory. A Frenchman has developed pills that can make a person's flatulence smell like roses or chocolate.
This is a real story. Below are excerpts from the story in bold and my valuable insights are in italics.
Frenchman develops pills to make flatulence smell of roses
65-year-old inventor says he came up with his range of indigestion tablets after he was "nearly suffocated" by the smell of farts.
I'm sure that was a traumatic event. (Sarcasm Alert) I guess it makes sense to put so much effort into developing this since there really aren't any other areas of medical concern. Who cares if you get cancer, heart disease or COPD as long as your farts smell like roses.
A Frenchman has developed a range of pills aimed at making people’s flatulence smell sweeter - of chocolate or of roses - which he says will make the perfect Christmas present.
Now there is an entrepreneurial-minded individual. Can you imagine the scene of a couple opening their Christmas presents and one of them getting these pills as a gift?
“Oh, George what is in this box? Could it be the piece of jewelry I've been wanting for so long?
“I got you something even better.”
There is a look of excitement on the woman's face as she tears the wrapping paper. Her expression changes to shock when she sees a box of flatulence pills.
“You got me flatulence pills instead of jewelry?”
“You have so much gas so much of the time; these pills are a great idea. You can now go around the house spreading the scent of chocolate or roses. The pets and grandchildren will no longer run from the room when you have flatulence. It's also cost effective. With you using these pills, we may save a lot of money of room fresheners.”
Holiday violence could increase as a result of these pills. Maybe they should come with a warning label to avoid legal trouble.
The 65-year-old artist and inventor says his pills are aimed at easing indigestion and are made of 100 percent natural ingredients such as fennel, seaweed, and blueberries.
I wonder if he could expand his line. Wouldn't it be neat if you could have a fart pill that made your flatulence smell like a new car?
“This is an old car. Why does it smell like a new car?”
“Because of broccoli, baked beans, beer and the right fart pills.”
“Oh.”
Can you imagine an entire family taking these pills?
“Julie, your house always smells like a beautiful flower garden and chocolate. How do you do it?”
“It's nothing; we discovered rose and chocolate scented fart pills. We take them and make sure our children and older parents have them. Our house has never smelled better.
“You mean that scent of fresh baking bread?”
“It's just my flatulence and the some fresh baked bread fart pills.”
The pills are sold on the internet under the Lutin Malin (Crafty Imp) website pilulepet.com and have been approved by health authorities, according to Christian Poincheval, who is based in the village of Gesvres in western France.
Those French are something else! Frogs legs, wine, fart pills and I'm sure they're just getting started with inventing new and interesting things. I'd like to suggest some ideas on what to call these fart pills when they're sold at retail locations in the United States.
“I Can't Believe It's My Flatulence”
“Make Nauseating Flatulence A Thing Of The Past”
“Drink Beer and Eat Peppers. The Effect Won't Be Gross. It Will Smell Like Roses”
“People With Chocolate Scented Flatulence Always Get Invited To The Popular Parties”
Mr. Poincheval said he came up with the idea for the pills one evening when he was enjoying a hearty meal with some friends.
“Our farts were so smelly we were nearly suffocated. Something had to be done,” he said.
So he began researching natural ingredients that would reduce flatulence and after months of experimentation came up with the recipe for his pills.
What an epiphany!
“We can't go on with our smelly farts. I must do something about it and find a way to have an idea that will make me money.”
I can only imagine what the research was like for him.
“Will you do something about all of your flatulence?”
“This isn't farting. This is scientific research.”
“Oh.”
Fart powder for dogs. No more car hauls with windows wound down or interrupted dinner with guests. We have created a version of our fart pill for animals in the form of powder. Just add it to their bowl and enjoy.
Enjoy? (Sarcasm Alert) How can having a dog that farts like roses not be enjoyable?
Mr. Poincheval thinks of everything. How silly to think we humans are the only farting creatures on the planet. I'm sure this could mess up some dogs when they investigate each other back ends.
“Why did your dog bite my dog's rear end.”
“I don't understand it. He only becomes aggressive when he smells chocolate.”
“Uh oh, I think I need to get away from your dog.”
I'm sure he's working on a pill for zoo animals as well. A flower farting lion could really impress a young child.
Flatulence Story
Well, I used to think a story about flatulence would stink, but no more! (Okay, go ahead and groan. I just couldn't resist the pun)
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