It is true that our current president has never come
close to getting a favorable performance rating from me. I think he’s a weak and indecisive leader who doesn’t have the slightest understanding of economics. I will go further and state that truth,
honesty and reality are concepts I believe are beyond his ability to
comprehend. The only thing I truly admire
about Barack Obama is his ability to not take responsibility for anything in
any situation no matter what.
I decided to adopt his
approach to things and I must say the results were impressive. My wife came into my office the other day and
said “Are you going to mow the lawn today like you promised?”
I simply looked at her
and gave my most arrogant and condescending smirk before responding.
“I didn’t promise to
mow the lawn, this house and this neighborhood promised to mow the lawn. I was simply responding to the needs and
desires of this house and community. I
want to know what this house and community are going to do about it.”
My wife looked at me
with a level of confusion seen by many Americans after a statement by our
current president.
“But you said you’d mow
the lawn.”
I supply another arrogant
and condescending smirk before responding.
“There you go again
trying to twist my words around into something I didn’t say. Why would I mow the lawn and what has it done
to deserve this mowing?”
My wife starts looking around
for hidden cameras. She’s seems stunned.
“It’s ah, well, grown.”
“Before I punish this
lawn for growing, I’m going to ask for a vote on it from our daughter.”
“She lives 2,000 miles
away.”
“She has lived in this
house and this community. That lawn is
also her responsibility. It is crucial
she be a part of this important decision.”
My wife opened her
mouth but no words came out. She tried
to say something but seemed unable to respond.
As she walked away I felt being like Barrack Obama may have its
benefits. I went back to my online chess
game quite happy.
The other day I was
speaking with a neighbor and explained my situation with the lawn. I told him how I didn’t really have enough support
for mowing the lawn. His young son
looked up and said “Why don’t you promise to not mow the lawn if it promises
not to grow anymore.”
His father looked at me
and said “Sounds reasonable. I’ll go and
tell your lawn to stop growing. Another neighbor
agreed and they went to negotiate the non-mowing terms with my lawn. I triumphantly returned to my house.
“You what?” said my
wife in a rather sarcastic tone. She
obviously didn’t comprehend my brilliance in handling of our lawn mowing
situation.
“That’s right. I’ve instructed our neighbors to negotiate a
settlement with the lawn. It stops
growing and I have no need to use a mower on it. Can’t you see how this is the best possible
resolution for this situation?”
My wife’s face became
red and she actually seemed to be upset with me.
“That doesn’t make any
sense at all. The lawn still needs to be
mowed, it continues to grow and nothing has changed.”
I then gave another arrogant
and condescending smirk before I spoke.
“You only say that because
I have ten letters in my last name. If I was a person with nine letters or less
in my last name, I doubt you would treat me this way. Let this be clear proof of your intolerant
behavior toward people who have ten letters in their last name. Will your prejudice against ten-letter-last-named
people ever stop?”
After screaming for a bit my wife actually begins to yell at me.
“Having ten letters in
your last name has nothing to do with it.
The lawn needs to be mowed and rather than do what you promised, you’re
doing everything but actually taking care of it.”
“So you’re telling me
only people with less than ten letters in their last name can do anything
right? If I had less than ten letters in
my last name, the lawn would be mowed?
Is that what you’re saying? You
ten-letter-last-name-haters always show your true feelings eventually.”
After some more screaming my wife
abruptly turns and walks out of the room.
I was getting the hang of being like our president.
In time my lawn
continued to grow and became rather unsightly.
I had done what I could in this situation and didn’t see how the overgrown
lawn was my fault. I didn’t see how anybody
could blame me for it.
One day an official
from our community came and gave me a warning that my lawn had become unsightly
and I needed to take care of it. I told
him he only gave me that warning because I have ten letters in my last name. When he seemed confused I gave him an arrogant
and condescending smirk.
“The real question is
what are you going to do about this lawn in your community? I’ve done what I could and now I think it’s
something you need to address.”
I think I’m getting so good
at being like Barrack Obama; I’m ready to run for office.
