Saturday, August 31, 2019

Octogenarian is Considered an Octopus Whisperer at Aquarium. A Real Story





The 1998 movie Horse Whisperer was based on a cowboy having a magical ability to calm angry horses. This was a person who is considered to have a sympathetic view of the desires, needs, and motives of a horse. I never thought of this as something that could be used with an octopus. The desires, needs, and motives of an octopus are not something I would think are of interest to many people. I would be wrong. The octopus of today is probably much different than the 1960s cartoon character Squiddly Diddly. This was an underwater creature who just wanted to make music and become a famous musician. I imagine if an octopus of today wanted to become a world-famous musician, I'm sure there is at least one octogenarian who would try to help and understand.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

BOSTON (AP) — Wilson Menashi palmed a squid in his left hand and extended his arm into an aquarium tank, watching as a giant Pacific octopus stretched out arms to greet him like a friend.
Freya latched some of her 2,240 suction cups onto Menashi’s arm, using their powers of taste and smell to gather information around the 84-year-old man known as the octopus whisperer — and the seafood treats he was bearing...Menashi retired after a career as a chemical engineer and began volunteering at the New England Aquarium in Boston. He’s spent 7,800 hours — the equivalent of about four years working full time — hanging out with octopuses, the aquarium said.


Mr. Menashi must have had some interesting retirement plans.
“In your retirement, you can play golf, go on trips, spend more time with friends and family. It will also be possible to do all those home projects you've been putting off for years."
“None of that interests me."
“What would you like to do?”
“I'd like to spend my time at an aquarium learning the needs, desires, and motivations of an octopus.”
“Well, I suppose joining our bridge club is out."
"Only if it is at the aquarium and involves an octopus."

I wonder what type of conversation Mr. Menashi has with his wife when he leaves in the morning.

“I'm going to have my hair done, do some grocery shopping and have lunch with my friends. What do you have planned for today?”
“I'm going to stick my hand into an aquarium tank and have a Pacific octopus named Freya latch her thousands of suction cups onto my arm to get the seafood treats I have in my hand.”
“You never were much for playing golf.”
“I'm an octopus whisperer, not a golf whisperer.”
“Oh.”


Menashi’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he acknowledged that encounters with octopus have left a mark on him.
“I will come back home sometimes with hickeys all over my arm and my neck,” he said.
So how did he explain them to his wife?
“Not too difficult when you have about 10 or 15 marks next to each other,” he said. “It did not take too much. She also knew where I was, anyway.”

I have never witnessed an octogenarian's eye's twinkle with mischief when talking about an octopus. I imagine it is an experience you'd remember. Maybe it wasn't a twinkle of mischief, but a sense of pride. I'm sure not many people his age can walk around town showing off their hickeys. Having up to 15 of them on your arms and neck could lead to some pretty crazy speculation. If it were me, I wouldn't say anything and just let people think what they want.

“How did an octogenarian like you get so many hickeys on your neck and arms?”
“I'll never tell.”
“Why not?”
“Hey, what goes on at the aquarium with Freya stays in the aquarium.”
“Oh.”

Menashi’s volunteer work has included designing puzzle boxes for octopus as well as rubbing their backs and wrestling their arms, all intended to ensure that the highly intelligent animals receive the mental stimulation to thrive and stay healthy.
Two decades of working with the largest members of the octopus species has not dulled his sense of wonder at the animal’s adaptability and mysteries.


How do people react to learning about someone doing this type of work?

“I like to build birdhouses for my back yard.”
“I enjoy building bookshelves for our living room.”
“I design puzzle boxes for an octopus that puts hickeys all over my neck and arms.”

I'm sure it would also be a stand-out conversation in other ways.

“I like to go golfing for exercise.”
“I enjoy hiking for exercise.”
“I like to spend my time rubbing the backs of octopuses and wrestling their arms for exercise.”
“Exercising with an octopus is interesting.”
“We're trying to put together a jazzercise routine with them.”
“I'm sure the YouTube video will be quite popular.”

Menashi said spending time with octopuses and other animals gives his life a whole new purpose in retirement

“Just being here has been, to me, a lifesaver,” he said. “Gave me something to do. Gave me different interests and showed me the world is a wonderful place to be.”


I guess Timmy had Lassie, John and Jenny Grogan had Marly and Dorothy had Toto. It does tug at the heartstrings to think of the special bond that exists between an octogenarian and his giant Pacific octopus. I'm sure many retired people take pride in their dogs, cats, and even birds. I bet few can recall any special time they spent with an octopus. Until another creature can give you sucker bites all over your arms and neck, I'm going to have to say the octopus is probably the best friend an octogenarian could have.

Here is a link to the story.




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Friday, August 30, 2019

Study Claims Key to Being Happy is to Just Smile. A Real Story



I hope any individual who is reading this and is having a bad day should know there is a simple way to resolve their problems. They should smile and they will feel better. According to a new study that all it takes. Could this eliminate the need for depression medication? When people call a suicide hotline are they going to be told to just smile?

“I lost my job, my wife left me and my landlord kicked me out of my apartment.”
“No problem, according to a recent study, all you need to do to feel better is smile.”
“Okay, seems to be working.”
“Do you feel happier.”
“Yes, I'm thinking about my revenge.”
“Oh.”

Below are some excerpts of the story with my valuable insights in italics.

Researchers from the University of Tennessee and Texas A&M say that, in fact, several of our emotions can be manipulated to a degree by our facial features. The effect, they note, isn’t necessarily long-lasting or even profoundly powerful, but it’s significant enough to show a correlation between our emotions and how we carry ourselves.
“It appears that the physical act of smiling can make us feel happy, that frowning can make us feel sad, that scowling can make us feel angry,” says lead researcher Nicholas Coles, a Ph.D. student in social psychology at UT

(Sarcasm Alert)

One thing I've always wanted to do is manipulate my facial features. I don't believe this is possible in all situations. I was doing a home project once. It involved hammering a nail. I missed the nail and hit my thumb. I believe no amount of facial feature manipulation would have made me feel better. I'm sure seeing a man dancing around holding a bloody thumb as swear words came from his smiling face may have been an odd thing to see. I did try to manipulate my facial features once when my wife yelled at me for being forgetful, she turned around and then walked into a door. No known power in this world could have made me frown at that moment.


The research included data of more than 11,000 participants from around the world. Just two years ago, one project involving 17 teams of researchers was unsuccessful in proving a prominent experiment that found a link between smiling and happiness. Coles says psychologists have debated this theory for more than a century, but he believes his team’s research is the strongest evidence yet.

So, if I understand this correctly. Scientific research has spent countless hours and money on studies involving over 10,000 people and more than 16 teams of researchers to discover if there is a link between smiling and happiness. Interestingly, this has been a topic of debate for over a century.

(Sarcasm Alert)

Well, I can only imagine this type of research must have inspired other important studies such as discovering a link between screaming in pain and experiencing gut-wrenching agony. If this is successful, they may move on to really important research such as why do people who eat too much get fat and why people want to sleep when they're tired. Then there is always research that could forever alter society like why people like to breathe and why men like to write their name in the snow after consuming significant amounts of beer. But first, we must prove the theory of a link between smiling and happiness.

Who pays for this stuff?


Ultimately, Coles found that there is a clear and noteworthy connection between our facial expressions and our feelings, albeit a small one. The effect can vary from person to person and may depend on the circumstances and setting. He doesn’t suggest that smiling more will cure a depressed person, but it might help in bringing some level of uplift.

Well after so much effort into this research, I'm glad they were able to discover a small connection between our facial expressions and our feelings. My look of nausea may reveal my disgust for such a waste of money. There is no need to worry. I'll just smile and experience some level of uplift.

Still, Coles notes the findings are exciting because they shed more light on how the mind and the body works together to form emotions.
“Every day that we study these facial feedback effects, we get a little bit closer to understanding how emotions work, and that’s a real reason to smile,” he says.


No, I think the findings are exciting because they're getting paid to do this work. I don't know how much someone gets paid to study facial feedback effects, but it's too much. I hope they have to at least clean up the office and take out the trash. I think these researchers understand their happy feelings at realizing someone is paying them to do this.

I'm sure it has caused all of them to smile.

Here is a link to the story.


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Thursday, August 29, 2019

Australian Police Work to Reunite Homeless Man With His Pet Rat. A Real Story



I don't know if anyone has seen the movie, Willard. I've mentioned it before. It's the story about a young man who is abused by his boss and tormented by his mother. This makes him somewhat crazier than the usual crazy person. Willard does get the last laugh as he commands an army of rats to attack the people who upset him. It is interesting to note this movie was so successful it had a sequel. It was called Ben. This cinematic extravaganza featured a hit song by Michael Jackson properly named Ben. This movie involved rats going rogue, flame throwers and all sorts of fun things.

I've recently learned Australians are people who have tremendous respect for a person and their pet rat. They may have seen these movies and don't want to deal with hundreds of rats treating them like shrimp on the barbie. Australian police worked hard to find a homeless man's pet rat. I know Australia must be a very safe place. When you're in a place where police can spend time finding homeless people's pet rats, you know it's a place where crime is very low.

Below are excerpts from the story and my valuable insights in italics.


Police in Australia are celebrating after they managed to reunite a homeless man with his pet rat, Lucy.

I've known a few Australians. They've always been people who never walked away from a chance to have a good time. I must admit, celebrating the reuniting of a homeless man with his pet rat could be a unique reason to grab a coldie down under, but it could happen.

“This is a great party. What are we celebrating?”
“Our fine Australian police force was able to reunite a homeless man with his pet rat.”
“Well, it's a good ripper party. What do you say we make it an annual holiday?”
“No worries mate, we have plenty of rats and people who have them as pets.”
“Maybe we could also celebrate people reuniting with their pet kangaroos, koala bears and more.”
“Ace.”


According to the New South Wales Police Force, the homeless man left the rat on a milk crate in Sydney while he went to use a nearby restroom...while he was gone, a woman passing by saw Lucy and thought the animal had been abandoned -- so she took the rat with her.

I believe not taking his pet rat into the restroom was very considerate of the homeless man. It would be uncomfortable for me if I walked into a bathroom, saw a rat on the sink and heard a voice from a bathroom stall saying not to worry, it is his pet rat. I don't know how I would react.

How he lost his rat is interesting. I know things are different in Australia. I don't know how to feel about someone seeing a rat on a milk crate and worrying about the rat being abandoned. They must take really good care of their rats in that country. In the United States, if any woman I know saw a rat on a milk crate, they may run screaming. They may do the same thing if they saw me on a milk crate, but that is another story.

NSW police said that it was thanks to Facebook that authorities were able to track down Lucy and reunited the rat with its rightful owner.
In a video posted to Facebook, the unnamed man was presented with the rat to see if it was his missing Lucy. “Let’s have a look at you,” he said, picking up the animal. “Yup, that’s her!”

In Australia, law enforcement will use social media to track down a homeless man's pet rat. I'm impressed. This is a level of dedication to the relationship between a homeless man and his pet rat is difficult to put into words. I suppose the reuniting of a homeless man with his lost pet rat really tugs at the Australian heartstrings.


He proceeded to ask for a kiss, and Lucy obliged.
He thanked the officers and said it felt “wonderful” to have his pet back.
“Rats all folks! Have a wonderful Easter long weekend,” police wrote on Facebook.

(Sarcasm Alert)

There is something about the image of a homeless man kissing his pet rat that I find difficult to describe. I suppose he may still be homeless, not have a place to sleep or get enough to eat, but at least Australian authorities made certain he has his pet rat.

I wonder if there is a new version of the movie Willard in this story?

Here is a link to the story.





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Wednesday, August 28, 2019

California Nuns Sell $1,000,000 Worth of Cannabis Products Annually. A Real Story



I'm not Catholic, but I've spent a lot of time around people who follow the Catholic religion. I say this because I've had experiences with nuns. I've met nuns who made money selling chess pieces they made and painted by hand. I've been to Catholic bake sales and have participated in events offered to the public by certain convents. The nuns I've experienced have all been pretty nice. I have friends who went to Catholic school and experienced what they called ninja nuns. These were agile followers of the Catholic faith who were very skilled at the use of the yardstick discipline combined with collecting milk money technique. Now, it seems we have a new type of nuns. The kind who sell cannabis. These are entrepreneurial nuns who have created a very successful cannibals enterprise. Should nuns I knew from the past have done such a thing, it would have greatly inhibited their yardstick discipline technique.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

This group of nuns who have a very interesting habit. A convent in California is now raking in around $1,000,000 (£850,000) a year in cannabis sales. A documentary will be released on Saturday to mark the weed users’ holiday.


I suppose if you are going to celebrate using cannabis, it wouldn't be complete without the attendance of the local weed growing nuns. I can only imagine these nuns opening the festivities with prayer.

“Oh heavenly father, please let our marijuana crops grow strong and healthy. Let us have record sales of our cannabis products. May the best possible levels of THC be found in the plants serve your intent. In your name, we pray.”
“Amen.”

I suppose I should not be surprised it is California. I wonder if they also have these types of convents in Jamaica or other Caribbean nations. I also wonder what they are called? Our Lady of the Sacred Cannabis Plant? Sisters of the Weed Growing Believers? Servants of the Toke for All? Order of the High Holy Marijuana Growers and Sellers?

I could go on but I'll stop.


Sister Kate Meeusen started the Sisters of the Valley in 2011 with just twelve plants. But now it’s an international operation that helps treat people with health or addiction problems.

I would have to say for individuals who have taken a vow of poverty that selling a million dollars worth of cannabis each year is pretty impressive. There are people who started companies with only motivated by capitalistic greed and aren't doing so good. I know that nuns are married to God. I hope this didn't cause a problem with their marital relationship.

“God, we need money.”
“I realize the cost of yardsticks and other Catholic items are expensive.”
“I would like you to support me in my cannabis-selling business.”
“How will other Catholics view this type of business?”
“It is a natural plant that you created. We also intend to give Catholics a significant discount for the weed purchases and contribute significant sums to the church.”
“Okay, sounds like a good idea.”


‘Breaking Habits’ the film, directed by British filmmaker Rob Ryan, explores the history and sustained survival of the weed-growing nuns...The film explores how Sister Kate and her team have fought bitterly against ‘white man rule’ including the obstructionist country sheriff and black market thieves. ‘We don’t like the white man rule,’ said Sister Kate, who makes and sells CBD products such as salves and oils with her sisterhood.

Wow, a racist nun. It couldn't be government rule, but white man rule. I wonder where in their religious training it taught them to view the world through the prism of a person's race? I also like how they specify gender. I would hope they would not judge situations based on race and gender. Maybe spending several years growing cannabis has a negative impact on your judgment. What a wonderful idea to capture such behavior on film.

The sisters’ plan to expand their medicinal-marijuana empire. Sister Kate said: ‘We intend to have enclaves in every town and province in the next 20 years. ‘We’re going to be doing more and more with Hollywood because that’s the megaphone to the world.

Nuns with a medicinal-marijuana empire doing more work in Hollywood. I suppose movies like Lilies of the Field are going to be a thing of the past. On the other hand, I'm sure the movie Sister Act would be very different if it involved marijuana growing nuns. It is inspiring how they have such impressive ideas for expansion of their holy cannabis growing enterprise. I suppose nuns have changed a bit over the years.

So far Sister Kate has attempted to cure eight people of addictions using her CBD products, and she says they have all recovered. ‘We have a 100 percent success rate in curing people of their addictions admittedly we don’t have a huge sample size. ‘We worked with eight people who were addicted to either alcohol, tobacco or meth, but they all got better,’ said Sister Kate, who used to work as a high-flying corporate executive before turning to weed farming.

“I thought you took a vow of poverty.”
“I did.”
“Your company pulls in over a million dollars a year.”
“I'm a former corporate executive. To me, that is poverty.”
“Oh.”

I would like to think if you make over a million dollars a year growing and selling cannabis, you would be able to cure more than eight people. That is over $100,000 per person who they've cured in a year. With that much money involved, a 100 percent rate of success should be an expectation. I've heard of expensive rehab centers, but this is extreme.


On Monday the activist weed nuns will be protesting the ecclesiastic privilege, which allows some abuse to go unreported. ‘We are accustomed to fighting for the rights of the marginalized,’ said Sister Kate.

I'm sure there are eight formerly addicted individuals who support this statement. I can just imagine politicians in California not moving on on legislation until they hear from the cannabis growing nuns. I wonder who they consider marginalized? People who have to pay too much money for cannabis products? Do they charge for their products based on race or gender?

“Why did he only pay half of what I paid for his cannabis products?”
“You're white and male.”
“But that is a Hollywood producer who makes quite a bit more money that I make.”
“So?”
“They're married to a professional athlete who makes millions of dollars a year.”
“Hey, I didn't make you white and male.”
“Our holy father saw it in his divine wisdom to make me white and male..”
“Well then, I suggest you take it up to him.”

After reading this story, I find myself missing the days of nuns and yardsticks.
I guess “Let the high praises of God be in their mouth” from Psalms 149:6 of the King James Bible now has a whole new meaning. 

Here is a link to the story.



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Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Naked Women at Rest Stop Lead Police on a High-Speed Chase. A Real Story



I've spent my fair share of time traveling and visiting rest stops around the United States and Canada. I've seen many things there. Once, a person showed me a specially-designed box for their pet they used when traveling. Their pet was a rather large lizard. There was also the time I saw several people standing in a nearby field with their dogs on leashes. A van pulled up and several people got out with dogs on leash. The van group of people met the dog group in the field. All the dogs then got busy trying to make puppies. It was later explained to me those were dog breeders. You would think they could have at least gotten a motel room or something. I know strange things happen at rest stops. In Florida, three naked women at a rest stop led police on a chase. To me, this would have been more preferable than witnessing a mass dog mating.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

A trio of nude women who told police they were “air drying” in public after showering at a Florida rest stop reportedly were arrested following a wild chase that included the use of a metal bat, tasers and spike strips, reports say.

I wonder if women air drying in public at rest stops is something unique to Florida? I suppose if you intend to be chased by the police, you'd want to make it memorable. Tasers, a metal bat as well as spike strips would make it an unforgettable experience for me.

I'm sure there are Florida police who would tell me, “Aw, that's nothing. You should see what it's like when it's mass dog mating season.”


"There's three women standing in the nude putting on suntan lotion," a Florida Highway Patrol trooper was first heard saying to dispatchers while at a rest stop on northbound I-75, according to WTSP.

The cop reportedly was told by the women that they were “air drying” in the 80-degree weather after showering, but when the trooper tried to get more information, they got into a car and sped off.

I'm sure the Florida Highway Patrol trooper had many questions.

“Where are your clothes?”
“Why are you air drying your naked female bodies at a rest stop in public?”
“Why are you using that suntan lotion? It only has an SPF 15 rating and being in Florida you need at least an SPF 30 rating.
“Is showering and air drying your naked female bodies at a public rest stop a bad habit you're trying to break?”
“Do you realize what you are doing is considered against the law?. I don't know if using that suntan lotion is illegal, but I will check on it.”

The naked females then run for their car shouting, “We'd love to stay and chat but we're thirsty.”

Police then tracked the vehicle to a convenience store parking lot, where it was found empty. They spotted all three females leaving the store and a trooper attempted to arrest one who wasn’t able to get back inside the vehicle, FOX13 reported.


I can just imagine an advertisement for a convenience store.

“You've just been caught by the police air drying your naked female body at a Florida rest stop. You've just led the police on a high-speed chase. You're hungry and thirsty. Come into our clothing optional convenience story to satisfy your hunger and thirst. Now for our disclaimer. If you get caught and arrested by the police, you are on your own.”

I'm sure this advertisement would cause a lot of interesting customers to visit the convenience store.


But while trying to make that arrest, the suspect behind the wheel of the car "purposely drove directly” at the trooper and then its passenger got out and started swinging around a metal bat, the station added.

I've purchased one of those large frozen drinks at a convenience store and experienced a serious sugar rush. After downing a large one, the desire to try and drive a vehicle at a Florida State trooper never entered my mind. Swinging a baseball bat would have been good, but not at a Florida State trooper. I'm sure taking the time to display their baseball skills did not impress the members of law enforcement.

Another officer on-scene reportedly rammed the suspects’ car before it took off a second time. A short while later though, the car came to a halt with the help of spike strips deployed by the Dade City Police Department, according to FOX13.


I'm thinking a very interesting conversation occurred between this driver and their insurance company.

“I had an accident.”
“What happened?”
“Me and two of my friends were naked and innocently air drying ourselves at a rest stop in Florida.”
“How did your car get into an accident?”
“I'm getting to it. Next thing we know, the police show up and start asking us questions. Well, we didn't want to hang around talking to them because we were hungry and thirsty, so we left. The police gave us an escort to a convenience store.”
“You got a police escort.?”
“In a manner of speaking. Actually, they chased us to the convenience store. Luckily, we were able to get large frozen drinks before they arrived.”
“How did your vehicle become damaged?”
“Those Florida State troopers wanted to arrest us for some reason. I didn't see why, so I decided to leave. They got really upset when I accidentally drove my car right at a state trooper. They hit me with one of their cars. When I tried to go home, they put spike strips down and damaged my car's tires. Can you believe it?”
“You know what I don't believe?”
“What?”
“That you called me instead of looking for another insurance company.”
“Oh.”


Once stopped, the women are said to have interlocked their arms together inside of the vehicle, refusing to come out. Officers at the scene then tasered the trio and took them into custody, suffering only minor injuries throughout the entire episode.

What were they thinking? They interlocked their arms to stand up for their right to air dry their naked female bodies at a public rest stop? Did they feel treating law enforcement officers like they were pinatas was something that is okay? Maybe they believed driving their vehicle directly at a Florida State trooper was part of an innocent game they like to play.

I going to go out on a limb here and say thinking was not really part their behavior that day.

Here is a link to the story.


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Monday, August 26, 2019

Didgeridoo Instrument Mistaken for a Rifle. A Real Story




Many people may not know that a didgeridoo is a wind instrument invented over 1,400 years ago by Indigenous Australians. It makes some really unique sounds and is used all over the world. They can be 58 inches long or longer. When you see one, it appears to be a long wooden instrument. There are some individuals who may have never had the pleasure of experiencing a didgeridoo. In this situation, a person may not realize what they're seeing. In Australia, someone felt this musical instrument was a rifle

(Sarcasm Alert)
I'm sure the last thing any Australian wants is to be shot at by some crazed individual packing a multi-purpose didgeridoo able to play music and be used at the shooting range.

Below are some excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


Rush hour commuters were sent into a panic Thursday morning when police in Australia locked down a Melbourne train station after a street performer’s musical instrument was mistaken for a rifle.

How does this happen? This incident occurred in an Australian train station. You would think people in Australia, visiting Australia or know anything about Australia would know about the instrument known as a didgeridoo. It is quite a common thing in that country.

“I wonder what is that thing over there.”
“It's a didgeridoo.”
“A what?”
“An ancient instrument invented by Indigenous Australians.”
“It looks like a rifle.”
“Why would you say such a thing? You've lived your entire life in Australia. You've never shot a rifle or even been near one. You wouldn't know one if you saw one.”
“So, I have to be careful. I bet that didgeridoo is loaded. I'm sure it a Carbine Lever Action .44 Magnum didgeridoo.”
“There is no such thing.”
“You may not know one if you saw one, but I'm calling the police. Why take a chance?”
“Geeeeeze.”


Victoria police wearing body armor and carrying assault rifles responded to a report of a gunman at Melbourne’s Flagstaff train station around 8:30 am. – triggering delays in the middle of rush hour.

I wonder how the Australian police felt wearing body armor and being armed with assault rifles to take down a street performer packing a didgeridoo.

“Drop it.”
“It's just an ancient wooden instrument created by Indigenous Australians.”
“Is it loaded?”
“No, but it does make some great sounds.”
“Drop it, put your hands up and slowly back away.”
“Why?”
“We've heard you don't play it too well. We don't want to take any chance of a badly played didgeridoo assaulting our ears.”
“Oh.”

The report of a gunman turned out to be a false alarm after police determined that an Aboriginal busker – or street performer – who had been seen “acting suspiciously” was actually preparing to play the didgeridoo in a bag mistakenly described to police as a rifle case.


I wonder how he was acting suspiciously? Did he put the didgeridoo up like a rifle and point it at people? Did he then scream, “Back off man or I'll waste you with my didgeridoo?”

People who have ever been near Australia know the people there get really upset with guns. Only someone with an IQ that has a decimal point in the front would even think walking through a train station in this country with any type of gun.

“What type of luggage do you have?”
“Not a didgeridoo in a case that looks like a rifle.”
“Okay.”

“It was a busker,” Inspector Jacob Bugeja told reporters, according to The Guardian. “He was actually doing breathing exercises preparing for his act. It was a sports duffel bag.”


So, we have people who are suspicious of someone doing breathing exercises and carrying a long wooden instrument in a sports duffel bag. I wonder what would have happened if this person had an asthma attack. Would they have tried to alert the Australian military?

“What is that man doing?”
“He could be performing breathing exercises or preparing to perform violence.”
“I wonder what's in the duffel bag next to him?”
“It could be either a long wooden instrument invented by Indigenous Australians or a rifle.”
“I say we call the police so they can show up wearing body armor and carrying assault rifles.”
“Makes sense to me.”

Here is a link to the article.


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Sunday, August 25, 2019

Police Discover Driver Hogging the Road With a Pet Pig on Their Lap. A Real Story



I have had to transport pets. In these situations, I have put them in pet carriers. This has been done with dogs, cats, and even a hamster and even once with a guinea pig. There has never been a temptation by me to drive with a pet in my lap. I would find this unsafe. Doing this would probably get very strange with a hamster or guinea pig. It appears not everyone shares my dedication to driving safety and requiring pets to be properly secured in a vehicle and not on my lap. Someone in Minnesota had quite the opposite approach. They tried driving with a 250-pound pig in their lap and things did not go well.

Below are some excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

(FOX 9) - Officials in Chisago County, Minnesota are sharing a strange encounter to warn others about distracted driving. In his 21 years as a sheriff's deputy, Sergeant Jason Foster has pulled over his fair share of distracted drivers. But, what he witnessed during a traffic stop last fall was a real boar.

Oh, the writer of this article should get an award for their command of using puns in a story. I'm sure after over two decades this sheriff's deputy has seen many reasons for distracted driving.

“How about a driver distracted because they were changing their clothes.”
“Seen it.”
“How about distracted driving because someone was trying to fix food.”
“Seen it.”
“A person trying to write in a journal while driving?”
“Seen it.”
“How about a person swerving all over the road because they had their 250-pound pet pig on their lap.”
“Give me a day or two.”


Sgt. Foster was responding to a complaint about someone driving north on I-35 near Harris having a tough time staying in their lane. But, when he stopped and approached the pickup, he learned the distracted driving wasn't being caused by a cell phone "hogging" the driver's attention as he suspected.

The mastery of puns is yet again evident.

Can you imagine the call to the police?

“What is your reason for calling?”
“There is a person swerving all over the road.”
“Does there appear to be drugs or alcohol in the vehicle?”
“I don't see any. There appears to be a pig in the car. A rather large pig. I think the pig wants to drive the car and the driver won't let it.”
“Are you sure?”
“It's either that or the pig got really upset when they went past the local barbecue restaurant.”
“Oh.”


"It was kind of shocking. He had this 250-pound pig on his lap. In fact, it was leaning against the steering wheel he was muscling the steering wheel to keep it in its lane," he said.

Gee, what could have happened inside that car?
“Arnold, I said we're not stopping at the Slop R Us restaurant. I told you we don't have time.”
“Oink, oink, oink, oink.”
“I don't care if the restaurant is having a special and you have a coupon.”
“Oink, oink, oink, oink.”
“No, I don't care if it's a Groupon you purchased before we started the trip. You should have talked to me first.”
“Oink, oink, oink, oink.”
“Stop swearing at me and quit trying to grab the steering wheel.”
“Oiiiiink.”

Sgt Foster said there was not one, but two pigs in the picture.
The elderly driver told the deputy he was relocating to the north shore and didn't want his pets to get cold in the back of the truck.

What was the conversation like with the police officer?

“Excuse me sir, but I noticed your car swerving all over the road. Is there a problem?”
“You bet there is a problem. Arnold my pig won't just sit in my lap when I drive. He wants to drive and we just fight for the steering wheel. I know it's dangerous, but what can I do?”
“To avoid being involved in an accident, why don't you put him in the back of the truck?”
“I would like to but it's so cold back there.”
“Do you really want to take a chance of having an accident and being involved in a lawsuit so your pig can be warm?”
“Get in the back Arnold, I got a blanket for you.”


Rather than roast the driver, Sgt. Foster gave him a warning and sent them on their way, but even though this passenger was a bit of a ham, Sgt. Foster has a message for any other driver considering doing the same thing.
"Let the pig lay in the back or put the pig in the passenger seat, whatever. Don't drive with a pig in your lap, either."

There is always advice given to some people that I'm astounded when they hear it and are enlightened by it. I would say driving with a 250-pound pig in the back of your and not on your lap would fall into that category. Maybe for this person, the advice by the police was actually a revelation to them.

I never get tired of reading such excellent use of puns in a story. I would say someone with less pun usage skills would be tempted to turn into a pun hog. I'm just saying.

Here is a link to the story.



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