I have had to transport
pets. In these situations, I have put them in pet carriers. This
has been done with dogs, cats, and even a hamster and even once with
a guinea pig. There has never been a temptation by me to drive with
a pet in my lap. I would find this unsafe. Doing this would
probably get very strange with a hamster or guinea pig. It appears
not everyone shares my dedication to driving safety and requiring
pets to be properly secured in a vehicle and not on my lap. Someone
in Minnesota had quite the opposite approach. They tried driving
with a 250-pound pig in their lap and things did not go well.
Below are some excerpts
from the story with my valuable insights in italics.
(FOX 9) - Officials
in Chisago County, Minnesota are sharing a strange encounter to
warn others about distracted driving. In his 21 years as a
sheriff's deputy, Sergeant Jason Foster has pulled over his fair
share of distracted drivers. But, what he witnessed during a traffic
stop last fall was a real boar.
Oh, the writer of this
article should get an award for their command of using puns in a
story. I'm sure after over two decades this sheriff's deputy has
seen many reasons for distracted driving.
“How about a driver
distracted because they were changing their clothes.”
“Seen it.”
“How about distracted
driving because someone was trying to fix food.”
“Seen it.”
“A person trying to
write in a journal while driving?”
“Seen it.”
“How about a person
swerving all over the road because they had their 250-pound pet pig
on their lap.”
“Give me a day or
two.”
Sgt. Foster was responding
to a complaint about someone driving north on I-35 near Harris having
a tough time staying in their lane. But, when he stopped and
approached the pickup, he learned the distracted driving wasn't being
caused by a cell phone "hogging" the driver's attention as
he suspected.
The mastery of puns is
yet again evident.
Can you imagine the
call to the police?
“What is your reason
for calling?”
“There is a person
swerving all over the road.”
“Does there appear to
be drugs or alcohol in the vehicle?”
“I don't see any.
There appears to be a pig in the car. A rather large pig. I think
the pig wants to drive the car and the driver won't let it.”
“Are you sure?”
“It's either that or
the pig got really upset when they went past the local barbecue
restaurant.”
“Oh.”
"It was kind of shocking. He had this 250-pound pig
on his lap. In fact, it was leaning against the steering wheel he was
muscling the steering wheel to keep it in its lane," he said.
Gee, what could have
happened inside that car?
“Arnold, I said we're
not stopping at the Slop R Us restaurant. I told you we don't have
time.”
“Oink, oink, oink,
oink.”
“I don't care if the
restaurant is having a special and you have a coupon.”
“Oink, oink, oink,
oink.”
“No, I don't care if
it's a Groupon you purchased before we started the trip. You should
have talked to me first.”
“Oink, oink, oink,
oink.”
“Stop swearing at me
and quit trying to grab the steering wheel.”
“Oiiiiink.”
Sgt
Foster said there was not one, but two pigs in the picture.
The
elderly driver told the deputy he was relocating to the north shore
and didn't want his pets to get cold in the back of the
truck.
What was the
conversation like with the police officer?
“Excuse me sir, but I
noticed your car swerving all over the road. Is there a problem?”
“You bet there is a
problem. Arnold my pig won't just sit in my lap when I drive. He
wants to drive and we just fight for the steering wheel. I know it's
dangerous, but what can I do?”
“To avoid being
involved in an accident, why don't you put him in the back of the
truck?”
“I would like to but
it's so cold back there.”
“Do you really want
to take a chance of having an accident and being involved in a
lawsuit so your pig can be warm?”
“Get in the back
Arnold, I got a blanket for you.”
Rather than roast the
driver, Sgt. Foster gave him a warning and sent them on their way,
but even though this passenger was a bit of a ham, Sgt. Foster has a
message for any other driver considering doing the same thing.
"Let the pig lay in
the back or put the pig in the passenger seat, whatever. Don't drive
with a pig in your lap, either."
There is always advice
given to some people that I'm astounded when they hear it and are
enlightened by it. I would say driving with a 250-pound pig in the
back of your and not on your lap would fall into that category.
Maybe for this person, the advice by the police was actually a
revelation to them.
I never get tired of
reading such excellent use of puns in a story. I would say someone
with less pun usage skills would be tempted to turn into a pun hog.
I'm just saying.
Here is a link to the
story.
http://www.fox9.com/news/officials-pull-over-swerving-driver-only-to-find-pig-in-his-lap
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If you think THIS is a
little funny. Check out my book
The Longer You Live The
Older You Get
Or my other one
I Speak Cursive Like a
Baby Boomer
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