FREEDOMLESS SPEECH

            In the United States the concept of freedom of speech is very different from how it is perceived in other countries.  We tolerate such things as pornography and the Westboro Baptist Church as an example of free speech rights in our country.  Many of us feel free to share our opinions and views of any topic over the internet with reckless abandon.  We often feel if you're offended by our opinion then don’t read it.  People in other countries can’t share their opinions and views without facing governmental consequences for someone being offended.

            In Taiwan a blogger was sentenced to 30 days detention, given two years probation and fined for sharing her opinion about a restaurant.  She felt the restaurant was unsanitary and the food was salty.  It was considered a criminal offense and a judge told the blogger she shouldn’t have said the food was too salty since she only tried one dish.  Maybe she shouldn’t have said it was unsanitary because she only saw one cockroach.  I wonder if anyone tried to discover if the judge had relatives with a financial interest in the offended restaurant.  I suppose food reviews in Taiwan are best if filled with lies and untruths because even if the restaurant sucks nobody is offended.

            In Germany you can’t give your child an invented name and you must name your child something that is gender specific.  I can only imagine how many names we’d have to ditch in our country.  Pat, Alex, Jordan and Paton are just a few.  In other countries the government doesn’t permit parents to name their children anything they interpret as “stupid” or would make the child a laughingstock.  I suppose when a child grows up and is stupid or becomes a laughingstock the government feels it won’t be because of their name.  Denmark provides its citizens with a list of 7,000 approved names you have to pick from.  If you would like to be an individual and ignore the name book you have to get approval by the Ministry of Ecclesiastical Affairs and the Ministry of Family and Consumer Affairs.  I wonder if these governmental organizations are also considered the Ministries of Nothing To Do But Annoy people.

            “You can’t name your child Mark it’s not in the book.”

            “But I like Mark and my wife likes Mark.  We think it’s a cool name.”

            “Unfortunately you need approval from the Ministry of Ecclesiastical Affairs and Ministry of Family and Consumer Affairs.”

            “Who should I ask for?”

            “Gottcha Sucker.”

            “Is that name in the book?”

            “It was after their family paid the proper amount required by the government.”

            “Oh.”

            Here in our country we have so much slang and foreign words incorporated into our language we never give it a second thought.  The French have an entire different take on things.  The French government forbids the use of foreign words in official documents, science papers, advertising and on radio or television.  A company found doing such a thing could be fined anywhere from $150 to $1,000 per offense.  I guess it’s a challenge for companies who want to advertise foreign products. 

            “What do you mean I’m being fined $1,000.00?”

            “Unfortunately you used the word iPad during your advertisement.”

            “That’s what we were selling, iPads from Apple Computer.  What should we do?”
            “Possibly call it “Le iPad.”

            “Does that mean if my company complies we’ll get no more fines?”

            “Maybe next time for using Le iPad you will get you only a $500.00 fine.”

            “Maybe what we should say is the governments full of Le Crap.”

            Here in the United States we tend to watch just about anything that appears on a television screen.  In China things are a bit different.  There the government has actually started banning certain reality television shows.  Last year they banned their version of “The Bachelor.”  I know it’s comforting that a place like China has a television program where shallow, self absorbed people try to score on television.  To think there are even shallow, empty headed Chinese willing to watch it.  I suppose our countries have more in common than we realize. 

            In one of the episodes a woman was going to give into a man’s interest for her with the only requirement being he gives her a BMW.  This upset Chinese officials who then banned the show.  Another female contestant on the show defended her co-start by stating the girl wasn’t doing anything wrong because she just asked for a BMW and nothing like a “Benz or Ferrari.”  Who knew slut status could be determined by the model of car requested in return for affection?

            In many European countries they still have blasphemy laws.  They’ve been used by Muslims most recently.  In Italy a journalist went to trial because of some rather negative comments she wrote about Islam and Muslims in a book titled “The Rage and the Pride.”  The truth really didn’t matter in this situation.  Her charge was offending a religion.  She had the final say as she got out of the trial by dying.  The charges were brought by a man named Adel Smith.  He has referred to a crucifix as a “miniature cadaver” and has tried to remove depictions of Christ on the Cross from all Italian schools.  (Sarcasm Alert)  How could any Christian be offended by the statements of Adel Smith?  I think both this judge and Adel Smith can be certain Santa Clause will go right past both their houses on Christmas.

            One of the best things about having the right to free speech is that you can state your opinions and feelings without fear of governmental retribution.  Nothing offends people or upsets the government more than the truth.  I guess it’s better to tolerate the obnoxious, ignorant people who abuse free speech rights than to silence those of us who say things actually worth hearing. 

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A PRISON VACATION

            I’m sure there are people reading this who feel they’ve probably been on every summer vacation possible and long to experience something new and different.  For such people all I can say is fear not because the travel industry can provide you with a rather unique accommodations experience.  How would you like to spend your vacation in a prison?  I’m not referring to an actual prison with armed guards filled with criminals.  I’m talking about renovated prisons where people pay their hard-earned money to stay.  What a concept.

            “I just stayed at the Shangri-La Prison and I got a good deal.”

            “How good?”

            “The several days my family and I stayed there only cost us a few hundred.”

            “I actually stayed at the Shangri-La Prison for free.”

            “How?”

            “I was a prisoner.”

            “Oh.”

            If you find the idea of staying in a prison and not having an actual prison experience upsetting then all you need is to travel to Liepaja, Latvia.  There the Karosta Prison has been renovated into a hotel.  It was a place that housed dissenters, rebels and enemies of Stalin.  The place was so harsh most prisoners only survived an average of three days.  It was active from 1900 to 1997.  Today there are visitors who actually pay to be arrested outside of the prison turned hotel and brought back for a sparse lunch in the prison’s canteen.  In a strange way it reminds me of staying with some relatives I know.

            In Tylors Falls, Minnesota there is a four-cell jail that has been converted into a bed and breakfast.  It served as the town’s lockup from 1884 until 1923.  In 1981 it became Minnesota’s first licensed Bed and Breakfast.  Today it provides great food and all guests have a beautiful view of the St. Croix River.  It has the original iron door and bars on the windows inside it.  I wonder if shackles can be provided upon request.

            If you would like to stay at a refurbished prison that still maintains some of that prison charm then the Mount Gambier Goal in Australia may be the place for you.  The rooms still have some of the same looks as when it was a prison.  They’ve even restored a cell where three prisoners spent their final hours before they were hanged in the 1800s.  The old prison’s chapel is now a library and lounge and a three bed dorm is in the former jailer’s residence.  If you refuse to pay I wonder if they’ll just lock you in your room for a period of time.

            At Kaiserslauten, Germany there is a place called The Alcatraz Hotel.  This is a place that turned a 56 cell prison into a luxury hotel.  Because there are many traveling people who must have the incarceration experience they provide something called “The cell rooms.”  These rooms all have a toilet and a sink just like a jail, and for these rooms there are separated men and women community showers located at the end of each floor.  When those rooms are booked you’ll have to settle for a very nice suite.  At this hotel you can experience their Japanese garden and have access to a concierge.  Unfortunately they do not provide the prison matron of your choice. 

            The Liberty Hotel in Boston, MA was at one time a jail so bad it was declared unfit and in violation of inmates’ constitutional rights.  It housed inmates for 120 years.  In 1990 prisoners were sent to another prison and the property was then turned into a luxury hotel.  Requests of inmates to return to the former prison to serve their sentence have probably been denied. 

            The liberty hotel uses its former prison status to its benefit.  Among places they provide hotel patrons to eat in the Clink, Catwalk and Alibi which was previously the prison’s drunk tank.  It also provides some special packages such as the Guilty Pleasures Romance Package and the Big House Breakfast Package.

            “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

            “A former prison.”

            “Why a former prison?”

            “Because it’s now a lavish hotel and I think all my comments about the ball and chain won’t matter.”

            “Don’t count on it.  You could still be sent to solitary confinement.”

            “Oh.”

            In Stockholm Sweden there is a hotel that was a former penal colony for women until 1975.  (A penal colony for women.  I’m not going there).  It’s very well designed and even has a few rooms for multiple occupants they call hostel rooms.  It provides it’s patrons with fine accommodations, beautiful views of surrounding gardens and even a tiny prison museum. 

            I can honestly say it would probably be pretty neat to stay in one of these prisons turned hotel.  If anything it’s be something to share with your friends.  Sure they stayed at the Wynn but did they have the option of being arrested and put into their hotel?  I hope people who visit these places don’t get confused and realize an actual penitentiary probably won’t come with room service or a concierge. 

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US “TYRANNICAL” AIRWAYS

            It’s a shame that flying to get anywhere these days is extremely stressful.  Forget the fact that you’ll be hundreds of miles up in the air and possibly dealing with turbulence that may make you wish you had a parachute packed in your carry-on luggage.  Let’s forget for a moment you have to get either radiated or molested just to get to the plane.  The flying public then has to deal with airline employees who have studied at the Suppressive Dictator School of Airline Passenger Harassment.

            I don’t know how many people fly US Airways and have no complaints.  I’m not one of them.  I’ve experienced employees at that airline I believe must saw and file the horns on their heads before they go to work.  I would not be surprised if some of them can make their heads turn completely around and speak in a deep voice while making disparaging comments about your deceased relative’s sex life.  I think I stopped using the airline when my flight was delayed with the promise of easy reconnect flights upon arrival to the first destination.  Once the plane landed the US Airways employees had no idea people on a plane arriving hours late might have missed their connecting flights.  We passengers were treated like an inconvenience by the US Airways employees.  They had important things to do like listen to the radio and talk on the phone to their families.  Who were we to ask them to work?  This of course is nothing compared to what a Miami photographer experienced during her flight on US Airways.

            It appears a photographer from Miami named Sandy DeWitt felt a US Airways employee was being rude to several passengers in the gate area.  I’m not surprised.  I’ve always just assumed that snarky, sarcastic comments are required to be given to all passengers on US Airways flights.  Ms. DeWitt had this misconception passengers are actually paying customers and felt US Airways should treat them with respect.  I can only assume it was her first trip on US Airways.  She then decided to take a picture of the rude US Airways employee’s name tag.  Ms. DeWitt was going to complain about the worker’s behavior.

All I can say is from my past experience with this airline I believe they would’ve probably just respond by saying “Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, so what do you want us to do?  If you don’t like it use another airline, oh that’s right, we’re it in some cities.  Oh, well, too bad.”

The fun part started when Ms. DeWitt was seated on the plane.  The photographed rude employee referred to as Tonialla G. went into the airplane and demanded that Ms. Dewitt show her the photograph taken of her with a cell phone.  Ms. DeWitt took out her cell phone, showed to rude employee Tonialla G and pointed out the photo was too dark to use.  Rude employee Tonialla G, who probably graduated the Suppressive Dictator School of Airline Passenger Harassment first in her class, wasn’t satisfied.  She walked into the cockpit of the plane and informed the plane’s captain paying customer Sandy DeWitt was a “security risk.”

I know the pilot worked for US Airways but I wonder if he took the time to ask why DeWitt was an alleged security risk.

“We have a passenger who is a security risk.”

“Why is she a security risk?”

“She took a picture of me with her cell phone and planned to complain about my rude behavior toward passengers to the airlines.  She showed me the picture and then deleted it”

“Were you rude to the passengers?”

“Of course, you know that’s our policy.”

“Then why is she a security risk if she deleted the picture?”

“The woman’s a photographer.  She could’ve given me time to do my hair and present a smile.  She could’ve used something better than just a cell phone.  She risks the security of an unflattering image being taken of me.”

“Oh.”

(For people who work at US Airways the following is something called sarcasm and for the record I’m holding my cell phone and taking pictures as I’m typing this.)  It’s obvious at US Airways cell phone wielding passengers willing to take pictures of employees name tags will not be tolerated.  I’m sure many planes have almost been taken down by a cell phone picture of an airline employee’s name tag.  Such a picture could fall into the wrong hand and then we’d have unwanted cell phone pictures just destroying the entire airline industry. 

Sandy DeWitt was actually escorted off the plane by two flight attendants as her husband followed.  I suppose if you have such a serious security threat you’ve got to send in your tougher-than-nails flight attendants to deal with such a frightening situation.  Maybe the US Airways flight attendant SWAT Team was busy that day.

As she was being led away she told the other passengers she was being taken off the plane for taking a picture and she felt photography was not a crime.  Should I have been there I would’ve taken out my cell phone and started taking pictures of everybody and everything.  I probably would’ve had the video going just to upset them.

After being removed from the US Airways flight for taking a picture with her cell phone and being labeled a security risk DeWitt spoke with a US Airways manager.  What was the manager’s response to this situation?  This person confirmed she was labeled as a security risk and directed her to another airline.  Who could argue with this person’s logic?  You may be a security risk and want to fly with a lethal picture-taking cell phone but it’s okay as long as you’re not using our airline.  Did they recruit this manager from a school for the terminally idiotic?

Airline travel has gone from bad to worse and is now just plain awful.  I think this story is best put into perspective by the old saying “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

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BARELY LEGAL GIFT IDEAS

            It seems there is always an event coming your way that requires the purchase of a gift.  At that time the quest to find an item which is unique and appropriate can easily transform the shopping experience from fun into stress-filled misery.  You must decide if you’re getting something they want or something they need, something they’ll remember or just something that makes them know you took the time to get something they’ll be able to sell at a yard sale.  It’s always a challenge. 

            Well fear not as there are unique and unbelievably legal gifts for everyone on your list.  How many people do you know who wouldn’t want a flamethrower of their very own?  Luckily there are no federal laws restricting the ownership of a fire shooting device.  If unique and barely legal is what you’re after this just may be it. 

            “What’s wrong Tom?”

            “Why I can’t get this leaf pile to start burning.”

            “No problem.  I’ll just get my handy flamethrower and we’ll get it started in a jiffy.”

            “Hey, I bet you could be thirty yards away and accidently start my house on fire so we can fraudulently collect on the insurance.”

            “You bet I could, so just let me know when nobody will be home.”

            “Thanks, it’s great to have a neighbor who actually has a flamethrower.”

            Flamethrowers can actually be purchased online for around $300 and there are also videos that show you how to make one yourself.  I would check all local laws before such a purchase and seriously advise against giving into the temptation to save a few dollars and make one yourself.

            If your gift giving tastes are not of the lethal flame shooting variety, fear not, because there are other barely legal items for your list.  Do you know someone who loves to read and is extremely paranoid of the federal government?  If their desire is to be put in prison for terrorist activity then the books from the Ragnar Benson collection would be perfect for them.  With these books your friend or loved one can read about such topics as “David’s Tool Kit: A Citizen’s Guide to Taking Out Big Brother’s Heavy Weapons” or the timeless classic “Long term Survival in the Coming Dark Age – Preparing to Live after Society Crumbles.”  These books also enable the reader to learn how to build a landmine, shoot down a military helicopter or how to make their own anti-tank rifle.  Talk about a gift that just keeps on giving.

            Do you have to get a gift for someone who enjoys drugs but refuses to do them because of the legalities involved?  Then the plant Salvia divinorum could be for them.  The legal status of this plant is different in each state.  When properly prepared this plant can be smoked and create a very intense hallucination.  All side effects of smoking Saliva disappear within an hour and it does not appear on standard drug tests.  Scientists believe it may act as an anti-depressant and could be effective in ending cocaine addiction.  I suppose trading the experience of cocaine highs for hallucinations is progress for some people.  It does make you wonder if the smoke from Salvia divinorum is ever pumped into the ventilation systems where politicians work.

            If you want to buy one of the deadliest infantry weapons ever made you might want to consider purchasing the M134 General Electric Minigun.  It has the ability to fire up to 160 rounds per second.  It might not be too good for hunting as it would turn any animal into ground beef in seconds.  The hunter would then be forced to use a specula and a plastic bag to take his catch home.  A hunter might not want to mount on a wall something he caught using this gun.  With a price tag of $400,000 and only about 11 in private hands it’s not surprising you don’t hear about them being used during crimes.  It also is a bit expensive to use as a minute of shooting will cost $3,600.  If you can afford this gun you have no reason to do anything other than show it to your neighbors and remind them you have it when you want them to stop making too much noise.

            If you know someone who has always dreamed of melting metal but hasn’t found a way, then a little compound called Thermite just may be something they would want.  When Thermite is ignited it can reach temperatures of up to 2,500 degrees Fahrenheit, which is estimated to be about half the temperature of the sun.  It’s often used to cut through very strong metal like the kind used in construction.  The beauty of Thermite is you can actually make it in your own home.  It requires some rust and aluminum with a little mixing and refining from things found in the average home.  With some effort and attention to detail a person can have one of the most dangerous materials on the planet.  Who says there’s no way to get a boot off your car when you have too many parking tickets?

            The world is a changing place.  I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before these items are also made illegal to possess.  They’re only legal now because they’ve not been used to commit any horrible crime.  If you think I’m wrong remember there was a time when it was perfectly legal in this country to take box cutters aboard airplanes.

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RMN FLAIMING IDIOT AWARD IV

It is time for the fourth RMN Flaming Idiot Award.  This is an award given to individuals who have distinguished themselves with behavior that demonstrates an IQ with a decimal point in the front.  The type of individual who might have a family tree that doesn’t fork and only possess one set of DNA.  As we all know these people are everywhere and especially in positions of power.

The fourth RMN Flaming Idiot Award goes to the supervisor of Thad “Stu” Crisco who is a Police Officer with the St. Petersburg, Florida police department.  Officer Crisco is a police officer with a clean record.  He is also a police officer in a city that has the worst crime statistics in the entire state of Florida.  Officer Crisco warned a robbery victim about a dangerous part of town.  His comment was then relayed to his supervisor.  Did the marvels of police ineptitude commend their officer for being honest?  Did they respect his decision to warn crime victims on how to avoid areas of the city where there is real bad crime?  No, these dull bulbs of the law enforcement community began an investigation on Officer Crisco for “disparaging comments against the city.”  Huh?  If you ever wonder why St. Petersburg has the highest crime in Florida just think about the handling of this situation and wonder no more.

“We have the worst crime statistics in Florida.”

“No we don’t.  I’m a supervisor I should know.”

“According to FBI statistics our crime rate is higher than that of Miami.”

“No it’s not.  If you say that again I’ll investigate you for disparaging comments against the city.”

“But I’m a janitor.  I didn’t publish the statistics the FBI did.”

“I don’t care.  I’m not going to let a little thing like FBI statistics make people think our city is unsafe.”

I wonder if the police brass in this town closes their eyes, puts their fingers in their ears and shout “No, no, no, no.” every time the crime statistics come out for St. Petersburg.

Now the mayor of this place seems to be a real piece-of-work politician.  He can answer a question with absolute nonsense like his electorate is nothing more than a bunch of bobble head dolls.  Mayor Bill Foster acknowledged the incident and said he holds the city’s police department to the highest standard?  Huh?  What is he talking about?  If this guy held this police department to such high standards Officer Crisco wouldn’t be investigated for what amounts to telling the truth.  Maybe he should actually adopt a standard for dealing with reality for his police department and himself.  I’m sure it couldn’t hurt.

The mayor made the statement that he always wants to know his officers are representing this city in a very positive light.  This makes me wonder why police don’t investigate him for delusional behavior.  I would like to tell this mayor I hope there comes a time when he leaves his alter universe and pays a visit to the world where the rest of us live.  We, in this world, appreciate when a police officer tells us what parts of a city to avoid, especially after being the victims of a crime.  We also believe that a police officer wanting to provide good advice actually is representing your city in a positive light.  Would this mayor and the police supervisor be happier if the officer lied and acted as if there was no danger in a very dangerous part of town? 

“Should we avoid that part of town?”

“Hey, so there are a few more rapes, robberies and murders there than any place else in the state but it’s not a bad neighborhood.”

“Would you take your family there?”

“Maybe, with a tank, air support and armed with squad assault weapon, but I would go.”

Now is only gets better.  It seems that Thad “Stu” Crisco’s longtime partner had been killed.  His partner had been the third cop killed on duty in just one month.  He was recognized for honoring David Crawford his fallen partner.

Officer Crisco got into trouble when he warned the father of a 16-year-old girl not to hang around the Northshore Pool at night.  The girl had been one of five teens robbed there at 10:30 p.m. on a weeknight by a group of armed men.  I think after being robbed at gunpoint you might want to avoid the area where it happened.  I bet Officer Crisco probably just confirmed what they were already thinking.  I suppose the robbery victim and her father should be thankful they’re not under investigation for having disparaging thoughts about the city. 

The mayor also stated that he doesn’t tout statistics when he’s in public because they have too many victims.  I believe he probably doesn’t tout statistics because they’re too embarrassing.  I’ve never worked in law enforcement but I bet ignoring criminal behavior doesn’t help solve it.  I guess in St. Petersburg it’s easier for the Mayor and police brass to go after a cop with a clean record then to look at how their decisions have impacted crime in the city. 

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