The ReadMikeNow interview series is proud to welcome Gas Man. He is a small action figure who is actually a being from another planet. His story is one that's both touching and inspiring. He's also a smart-mouthed jerk. I do admire his well-developed ability to display sarcasm.
How did you get to be a talking small action figure?
Are you writing it down this time? How many times do I have to tell this story? Okay, one more time. As I previously told you, my planet is very far from your planet. The one you call earth. We don't even acknowledge earth or its inhabitants as worthy of our thoughts. We may be much more advanced than your people, but we're also bigger jerks. One thing led to another and our planet accidentally got destroyed. It was unintentional, but things got out of hand. In our world, we can survive without physical form. Helps when we travel through space. Now don't try and understand this, you can't. We have a limited amount of time to find a physical form before we are no longer a force. I must have been very upset when our planet mistakenly got destroyed. I ended up here on your earth. My time was running out and inhabiting this action figure saved me. I can't get out of it yet. I will when the time is right.
What do you mean you can't get out of it yet?
Well, I'm sure our planet is going through a rebuilding process. It will take a much longer time and be more complicated than your mind can handle. Let's just say, when I can leave here, I will leave here.
I guess you don't like our planet very much?
A phrase from the language of my planet would put things perfectly into perspective. Since I'm unable to translate it in a way you could understand, I only have one response. No.
Is there anything you like about being on our planet?
I like mocking and making fun of everything on your planet or associated with it. You creatures get so excited by your computers. Most of what you use a computer for we can simply do with the thinking region of our bodies. I would say comparing the intellectual abilities of my world to your world would be like comparing the thinking abilities of a nuclear physicist with the thinking abilities of growing grass. Even that comparison doesn't quite grasp it.
Why don't you try give us your knowledge and help us?
Can you help growing grass on an intellectual basis? Figure out how to make that happen, and I'll help you. Otherwise, I'm content to simply mock and make fun of this planet. I find that quite enjoyable.
On your planet is your physical form much different than how we humans on earth appear?
We look similar and act similar. There are no action figures on our planet.
Have you discovered any other members of your planet here on earth?
There is another one in a home not far from here. She's inside a doll. We've conversed. The frustration is that dolls and action figures are not made anatomically correct. Any ideas of romance are not possible. It's quite depressing when we discuss things from our planet. We both miss it so much. I understand the planet's reconstruction is going on as planned, but rebuilding an entire planet does take time.
Are you in contact with others from your planet?
Yes, we are able to hear what is said by those with authority. We can't respond. I don't know what will happen to the jerks who destroyed the planet. I believe their punishment should require them to be sent here and forced to live as an action figures that are not anatomically correct. That will teach them a lesson they'll never forget.
How many from your planet are here?
Who knows? I think some of them might have inspired the “Toy Story” movies. If something strange happens that you can't explain, one of us may be behind it. Scaring the people on this planet is great fun and a good way to pass the time.
Why don't you just go and be inside a human? Why don't you just go be inside a larger figure?
Two questions at once. Wow, aren't we testing our limits? On the first part, we can't go inside anything human. Our minds are so advanced the host species dies in a short period of time. As for your second question, once were inside a figure we cannot be released until someone in authority from our planet releases us. I hate being in such a bureaucratic hell, but that's how it is with our kind. It's too bad those in authority on our planet are such jerks. It may be the one thing that is similar between my planet and yours.
What would you tell your kind about our planet?
Come to earth if you want to watch a comedy show. How can you take a planet serious that lets rodents predict the weather and has theme parks based on them? This place is quite ridiculous by our standards.
What would you like our readers to know?
Be careful with your dolls and actions figures. If we're in there, you want to make us your friend.
Is
this quality entertainment or what?
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