Chimps Have Their Own Religion. Yeah, it's another Real Study. I'm Not Making This Up.

I know there are a number of scientists who don't seem to understand religion. It is not something that can be proven using science. This will often lead to glaring examples of ignorance when it comes to comprehending the reality of human religion. To prove my point, I provide you with the following study. It claims that since chimps have behavior that scientists consider bizarre rituals, chimps believe in God. I'm not making this up. Trust me, on many levels; I wish this were not for real.

Below are excerpts from the story in bold. My valuable insights are in italics.

Mysterious chimpanzee behaviour could be 'sacred rituals' and show that chimps believe in God. The ritual has similarities with the building of shrines or cairns, a human ritual that has been happening for thousands of years and across civilisations

Boy does this seem stupid to me. What do they consider a 'sacred ritual?' (Sarcasm alert) Do chimps pass around a banana and all take just one bite and pass it to the next chimp? Have they seen chimps recite the same sounds at a meeting? Brother and sister chimps reciting the “Ooh, ooh, eeee, eeee, ahhhh” chant? Do they all scratch themselves in a certain way before a sacred chimp meeting begins? Do they ask for contributions of bananas and other fruits at the end of their ritual?

New footage shows chimpanzees engaging in bizarre behaviour — which might be a form of sacred ritual that could show the beginnings of a kind of religious belief.
Chimpanzees in West Africa have been spotted banging and throwing rocks against trees and throwing them into gaps inside, leading to piles of rocks. Those rocks do not appear to be for any functional purpose — and might be an example of an early version of ritual behaviour. The discovery might help researchers learn more about the basis of human religion and rituals, and how such activities formed in our own history.

Maybe this isn't a religious ritual at all. Maybe what the scientists are observing is a form of chimp sports. “Banging and throwing rocks against trees and throwing them into gaps inside trees that lead to piles of rocks,” makes it sound more like sport to me than religion.  These scientists need to spend less time in the labs and more time at bars watching sports. I bet they'd eventually make the connection. (Sarcasm Alert) I'm sure there was a chimp somewhere announcing to other chimps how their star player “Mighty Joe Young” was going to break the record for rock throwing through gaps and hitting other rocks. The record was probably held by the very famous and much beloved Curious George. While this was going on, there were probably chimps selling fruits and other things to the chimp spectators. This may not have anything to do with chimps believing in God but everything to do with them believing in sports.

Chimpanzees and other apes have long been known to use stones and other materials as tools, including their use as nutcrackers to get into food that is cased in a hard shell. But the new behaviour doesn’t seem to have the same functional purpose. “This represents the first record of repeated observations of individual chimpanzees exhibiting stone tool use for a purpose other than extractive foraging at what appear to be targeted trees,” the researchers write in their abstract.

I think the last research these scientists performed involved marijuana, and they willingly used themselves as test patients. (Sarcasm Alert) So, we are to believe if a chimp uses a tool for something other than foraging, it must mean they have religion and believe in God? Now that makes about as much sense as a square bowling ball. Maybe the chimps are in love and are targeting certain trees to carve their initials. Maybe the chimps are trying to warn other chimps to the fact that the tree has been condemned and should no longer be used for swinging. Maybe they're making a chimp statement about the stupid scientists who constantly observe them. It's possible they're trying to communicate that being a chimp was much better before these scientists came into their jungle home and became annoying.

The chimpanzee behaviour could also represent a direct connection with human religious rituals. Indigenous West African people also collect stones at sacred trees — and similar behaviour is seen elsewhere — in a way that looks “eerily similar to what we have discovered here”, one of the researchers wrote.

Have these researchers ever heard of the term “monkey see monkey do?” Could the chimps simply be imitating what they see humans doing and have no clue why they are doing it? Is it possible these scientists have spent a little too much time in the jungle with chimps and have nothing to show for it? Are they motivated to say anything to continue getting money to spend more time in the jungle with chimps? Is it possible that marijuana studies just don't pay as well as chimp studies, so they just decided to combine both of them into one?

“Marking pathways and territories with signposts such as piles of rocks is an important step in human history,” wrote Ms Kehoe. “Figuring out where chimps' territories are in relation to rock throwing sites could give us insights into whether this is the case here.”

They consider this an important step in human history? Are they referring to the fact that chimps throwing rocks could be a religious practice or the fact that someone actually paid them to do this study? (Sarcasm alert) Maybe the scientists asked the chimps what they thought about the research, and the chimps said they'd pray about it and get back to them.

Below is a link to the story.

Chimps Believe In God Story