In
the world of stupid studies it seems researchers decided to spend time showing that
men who have wide faces are real jerks. I
guess some man with a wide face somewhere really pissed off a researcher. According to them if you who are upset by the
selfish behavior of others, and you’re a guy with a wide face, you are the
problem. In a recent study wide-faced
men are even believed to be responsible for the selfish behavior in others. Who knew?
Unfortunately,
this is an actual study. This means
there are people running around in academia saying “If it wasn’t for those
wide-faced men there would be so much less selfishness in the world and we have
the research to prove it.”
Excerpts
of the study are below and my valuable insights are in italics.
Researchers from the University of California,
Riverside, say that their findings build on two previous studies, which showed
that men with wider faces tend to lead more financially successful firms, and
that wider-faced men are more likely to lie and cheat.
California?...why
am I not surprised. Is this called the “wide-faced
men are assholes” study? So they can
prove that wide-faced men have money as well as lie and cheat? I hope this isn’t used to build wide-faced
mens internment camps. This research
makes it seem that wide-faced dudes are way out of control.
Overall, the study authors say their findings show
that individuals behave more selfishly when interacting with men with wider
faces. Additionally, this selfish behavior triggers selfish behavior in others.
I
think the study authors were testing out too much medical marijuana when doing
this. Sitting on lounge chairs in a lab
filled with medical marijuana smoke one researcher probably said to another “Whoa,
dude, like wide-faced guys are so uncool.
It’s like they make me be selfish.
If it weren’t for them the world would be a way less selfish place.”
After
repeated tokes the other researcher says “Yeah and I understand they taste like
chicken.”
The
two researchers look at each other and then start laughing uncontrollably as they
fall off their chairs.
Men’s facial width-to-height ratio (fWHRs) predict
general orientations toward selfishness versus concern for others.
Specifically, men with greater facial ratios were less likely to be
characterized by prosocial preferences, and more likely to choose allocations
that maximized their own self-interest.
Huh? Let me translate, Blah blah blah, blah, men
with wide faces are selfish bastards, blah, blah, blah, blah, they care about
nobody but themselves, blah, blah, blah, blah, wide faced men always look out
for number one.
What
do they define as “prosocial?” Do you
have to be an amateur in the minor leagues before you can become prosocial?
I’m
sure there are wide-faced men walking around saying “Hey, I was born this
way. It’s not my fault. I’m a victim of genetic programing. If those pot-head researchers in California
could stop indulging in medical marijuana long enough to think about something, they could probably do a study to prove that theory.”
"Research has highlighted the importance of
men's fWHR as a social cue and has focused extensively on potential biological
and evolutionary theoretical underpinnings of these relationships. The current article illustrates how social processes,
in addition to possible biological differences, can elicit different patterns
of behavior as a function of men's facial ratios."
The
“importance” of men’s fWHR? Since there
is a segment of the scientific community that likes to perform nonsense studies
I have some suggestions for some “important” studies.
How about you researchers study the intellectual superiority of
people who have ten letters in their last name as opposed to those who have
less? How about they study of why men
with facial hair are more kind than those without? How about you study why men who comb their heir
straight back are better capable to interpret reality than those who don’t?
To me these studies would be worth all the
medical marijuana utilized to get the important results. It would also make just as much sense as
labeling wide-faced men as assholes with the power to transform those around them into selfish beings.
