Saturday, October 12, 2019

School in France Enrolls Sheep to Save Funding. A Real Story



I see that the school system in France operates like most places in the United States. The amount of funding for a school is based on the number of pupils who attend it. This means larger areas get the most money and the smaller areas must deal with having less to run their school. A small town in France was told one of its classes would be cut because of declining enrollment in the local school. This idea did not go over well with the residents of this small town. I have always admired the efforts of French citizens to circumvent government bureaucracy. When faced with the possibility of losing one of its classes, this small French town didn't just accept it. They felt if the government wants to see more students in the school, they would provide for more students to be in their school. They enrolled sheep in the school rather than have funding for a class taken away from them. I wonder if the sheep were required to attend a cooking class and learn about making leg of lamb? I'm sure the French school made every effort to be sensitive to the sheep's cultural needs.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

Herder Michel Girerd, with the help of his dog, escorted 50 sheep in tow on Tuesday, 15 of which are now registered as students after showing their birth certifications, according to Sky News.

Among the new students at the Jules Ferry school include Baa-bete, Dolly, and Saute-Mouton.


I'm sure names such as Saute-Mouton, Baa-bete as well as Dolly are family names. They have probably been around in these sheep's families for years. I hope the other kids in school don't make fun of them and their unusual names.

I can only imagine how the registration interview process interview in this situation.

“Mr. Girerd, welcome to our school. I understand you have some children you would like to register.”
“I have 50 of them.”
“My, my, my you and the wife have been busy.”
“They're adopted.”
“Oh, then you and your wife are very special people. Is there anything we should know about them before they are enrolled in our school?”
“They don't speak French.”
“I'm sure we can accommodate them. What language do they speak?”
“Sheep.”
“Is that a form of French, that is not commonly used?”
“It is spoken any place where there are sheep herders. It is very common among sheep and that is why it is called sheep.”
“I see, I'm sure we can find some way to communicate with them.”
“They have on wool coats that can't be taken off. The coats must be shaved off. We shave them at the beginning of every summer.”
“Ah, that is fascinating I guess. I suppose if they want to leave their wool coats on during class, it is okay.”
“They also have an emotional support dog who stays with them.”
“I guess that's okay. Exactly what does the emotional support dog do for them?”
“He makes sure they get around and don't get lost. He also makes sure no wolves bother them.”
“Oh.”


The school in Crêts en Belledonne, a village in the Alps, was told that one of its 11 classes would be closed after numbers fell from 266 to 261.

A group of parents was against the proposal to scale back the number of classes to 10, as it would mean the average number of students in each class would rise from 24 to 26, according to Sky News.

I suppose what is inspiring here is how the parents found a way to keep the number of children in each class low and provide a way to appreciate sheep. I wonder what it would be like to be in the school cafeteria and be behind a sheep in line. Would the sheep be upset if the school served mutton stew for lunch? If the sheep ate it, I would be a bit freaky to watch. I'm sure the playground would never be the same. How could you play skins and shirts when the sheep can't take of their shirts? They could only play on the shirts team and would all do the same movement at the same time. They would probably be good visual aids when learning to count in math class. I'm sure for fun the school could watch the movie Babe to help develop their sheep sensitivity.


"National education is, unfortunately, only numbers," Gaelle Laval, one of the parents behind the initiative, told Le Parisien newspaper. "And so now, with this surge in numbers, we are good."

The mayor of the town, Jean-Louis Maret supported the parent's efforts in recognizing the sheep as students and hit at the government's “annoying threshold logic” that prompted the threat of closure.

I'm not surprised the mayor of the town supported the parent's efforts. Should the sheep eventually be permitted to vote, I'm sure this mayor will have no problem with reelection. It would change the politics in their town.


He would give a speech and yell “Ba Ram Ewe, Ba Ram Ewe to your breed, your fleece, your clan be true.”

I wonder if this could start a move toward sheep education in France. I'm sure other sheep in other parts of France will hear about this and demand they be provided an education. Once sheep are firmly in place in the French educational system, and the political world, all French politicians will want their vote since they would vote like sheep. I'm sure in school they are very good at avoiding trouble because they always act like a bunch of sheep.

This is an interesting story. I think it would make a great movie. If educated sheep are hired to be in the movie, I wonder if they would demand to have a fair wage for their work? Let's face it, France continues to be the world's trendsetter.

Below is a link to the story.

https://www.foxnews.com/world/sheep-france-school-enrollment-save-classes

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Friday, October 11, 2019

Skrillex Music Provides Mosquito Control. A Real Story.



Sonny John More is a professional musician known around the world as Skrillex. I'm sure he is like many people in the professional music industry. He likes to sing, write songs and produce records. His motivation is probably to share his musical talent with the world. It seems there may be researchers who enjoy his work so much, they believe it has potential beyond meeting the musical desires of his many dedicated fans. They have used his music as part of research on mosquitoes. A study has shown that mosquitoes had a decreased amount of sex and sucked less blood when they were given an opportunity to listen to Skrillex music.

As a person with absolutely no musical talent, I can only imagine how this would affect a successful and professional musician. Would you be insulted that your music was used as part of an experiment to control a pesky insect? Would you be pleased and list it as a reason even people who don't like your music to purchase it and play it around their home to control mosquitoes? If it were me, I'd think it would be neat if they named a bug spray after me.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


The authors of the new study, published March 25 in the journal Acta Tropica, wanted to test whether loud music could be used to manipulate mosquito behavior as an "environmentally friendly" alternative to insecticides.

If I were Skrillex, I would be insulted to have my work referred to as loud music. Why couldn't they refer to it as popular music or music of the current generation? They make it sound as if any music could have been used as long as it had been played loudly. I wonder if jazz music would put mosquitoes in the mood to mate more often. Blues music may make mosquitoes feel depressed and want to drink more. We'll probably never know since they chose to only use certain music.


In their study, the researchers tested their hypothesis by blasting electronic music from a speaker set up near a cage of hungry female mosquitoes who had gone 12 hours without a meal. The cage also contained one virgin male mosquito (for sex) and a restrained hamster (for lunch).

I bet if any females of any species had gone 12 hours without a meal, they would be hungry no matter what music was played. At this point, the female mosquitoes are probably willing to listen to anything and only think of being fed. I like a single virgin male mosquito locked up with hungry females. I wonder why it had to be a virgin. An experienced male mosquito will probably know what the hungry females want to hear to put them in the mood even if they are hungry.

“Hey, you are one good looking lady mosquito. I know you're hungry, but you do have a rather beautiful thorax.”
“Get lost. I'm out for blood.”
“You know some attention from a male mosquito like me with a well-developed abdomen might be what you need more than food.”
“Okay, but only if you play Skrillex music not so loudly.”
“It's a deal.”


When the team compared the mating and feeding behaviors of the Skrillex mosquitoes to those of a control group, whose cage was silent, they found that the noise-addled bugs had significantly less sex and sucked less blood than their quiet-space counterparts.

What kind of results do you expect from hungry females being in a place where music is being blasted and the only person they can get lucky with is a virgin? Of course, those in the quiet experiment did better. The female mosquitoes there were able to eat, relax and focus on deflowering a virgin male mosquito. This type of activity requires a quiet atmosphere to be successful.

Skrillex mosquitoes also had about five times less sex than mosquitoes flying in silence. The researchers said the music's aggressive vibrations may have confused mosquitoes who were trying to synchronize their wingbeats — an insect equivalent of swiping right.


I guess Skrillex music isn't made to put hungry female mosquitoes in the mood to have their way with a virgin male mosquito. If I were a musician, I would not feel too bad about not having hungry female mosquitoes or virgin male mosquitoes be part of my fan base. This would only be a concern if they were able to purchase music. I doubt mosquitoes are able to leave music reviews on social media.

The results of this study harmonize well with previous research that has linked human-made noise to the disruption of insect behavior. Similar studies have found that leaf-eating insects get distracted from their meals when exposed to the pulses and chirps of an audio oscillator and that beetles who listen to AC/DC's rock classic "Back in Black" eat fewer aphids than beetles who forage in silence.


So, if I understand correctly, there are researchers who sit around all day, put on music and watch how bugs react to it. I notice they failed to mention people begin swearing and yelling from being annoyed by mosquitoes and how that could have disrupted insect behavior. I'm sure it takes someone with extensive knowledge of science to know how to properly play Back in Black by AC/DC to beetles. I wonder if the experiment would have an entirely different result if they would have play music by the Beetles for the beetles?

Here is a link to the story.

https://www.livescience.com/65125-mosquitoes-dont-care-for-skrillex.html

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Thursday, October 10, 2019

Man With Moose Poop for Political Protest Stopped by TSA. A Real Story.



I don't do a lot of flying. When I do, I usually don't go too far. I make certain before I leave do not take anything the TSA does not permit. I am not tempted to try and take ammunition in my carry-on luggage. Other things such as blasting caps, dynamite as well as gasoline, firearms, flare guns, and rocket launchers are not something I would travel to the airport and have in my luggage. These must be things people have tried to take onto airplanes. All of them are listed on the TSA website as items you can not have in your luggage. The fact they have to be listed makes me wonder about people.

“I'm sorry sir, you can not take these items we found in your luggage on the flight.”
“Why not?”
“I'm sorry but federal regulations prohibit anyone from taking dynamite and gasoline in their luggage.”
“Can I keep my rocket launcher?”
“Sorry, I can't let you have that on your flight either.”
“Next thing you know, you'll tell me I can't have my flare gun.”
“Step out of line sir. I think we may need to recheck your baggage.”
“Oops.”

It appears one person in Alaska may have really challenged the rules when he tried to take moose poop with him on his flight. I'm sure the TSA was not pleased, but I don't know if there was a rule preventing taking animal feces on flights. I imagine there could be one now.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


One traveler’s unconventional carry-on at an Alaska airport this month provided a teachable moment for fliers around the country.

“Yes, you can bring moose poop to a checkpoint!” Lisa Farbstein, a spokesperson for the Transportation Security Administration, wrote in a Twitter post on April 23. “And someone did last week at Juneau Int’l Airport.”

Okay, let's get the puns out of the way.

This was pretty crappy of this individual.

You may think the airlines don't take any crap, but they do if it's moose crap.

At the airport, if someone tells you you're full of crap, you can respond by saying no you are not, but you can't say the same for your luggage.

You can tell people at the airport something scared the crap out of a moose, and you have the crap to prove it.

Enough.

I wonder if this person was packing for their trip and things got interesting.

“I have my shirts, socks and important papers.”
“Do you have your computer?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have all your toiletries like toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have your moose poop?”
“I better check my luggage again. I don't want to leave home without it.
“Good idea.”


According to the TSA, the man’s carry-on was flagged at Juneau International Airport on April 15 because equipment caught “a large organic mass” in the luggage, which could have been a sign of explosive material, the KTOO reports.

I can only imagine what it would be like to see a large organic mass in a person's luggage and be afraid it was an explosive material. Then you later discover it was moose poop. I'm sure it would make for some rather interesting conversation at the dinner table.

“What did you do today?”
“Oh, me and the crew worked hard to put up the frame of a house.”
“How about you?”
“It was a typical day at the office. We just spent the day shuffling papers and working on the computer.”
“How about you?”
“I detected a large organic mass in someone's luggage. We thought it could be explosives, but it turned out to be moose poop.”
“Now our meatloaf dinner tastes a little better. Chocolate pudding for dessert.”


That’s when officers looked inside and discovered the bag of feces — and when the man told them “that he collects this and likes to present it, ‘For politicians and their bleep policies,’” Farbstein said, according to KTOO.

I have heard of people carrying signs and protesting. I've seen people wear costumes to protest. There are people who have put on some rather bizarre demonstrations as part of political protests. I can only imagine being a politician and having someone present moose poop to you to protest your policies. Since he used the word plural politicians, I suppose he intended to provide it to more than one politician. Some politicians may view this as a way to help their next campaign. They can tell their constituent how much crap they took to get their policy approved. It included moose crap and more. I can only imagine a politician feeling left out if nobody gave them moose poop when all the other politicians got their moose poop. They slighted may start a moose poop investigation.


“TSA actually will screen just about anything people bring to the checkpoint,” Farbstein said, according to KTOO. “But it is smart — and if it’s more on the unusual side — to check with an airline to see if they have any limits or restrictions as it relates to what it is you want to bring.”

(Sarcasm Alert)

The lesson to be learned here is if you plan to transport poop for political purposes or any other purpose, it is best to check with the airlines first. You don't want to fly on an airline that is not political poop friendly. I believe if an airline wants to become a leader in the political poop transportation industry, they should post their poop friendly policies online. This would make certain protesters choose the right airline when deciding who to give their political poop transportation business. I just hope members of the funeral industry don't want to start protesting. I don't want to think about what they would want to give to politicians.

Here is a link to the story.


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Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Man Throws Iguana at Restaurant Manager. A Real Story




I know there are times when I've been traveling in bad parts of town, and I've taken some precautions to assure my safety. It has involved a variety of legal methods used for protection. I know people who travel with dogs for protection. A person in Ohio took packing a weapon to an entirely new level. He attacked someone with an iguana. I never knew that an iguana was something you could use in situations where you feel threatened.

“Give me all your money.”
“Back off man or I'll be forced to defend myself.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I'm warning you.”
“What do you have? You can't do anything.”
“I'm packing an iguana.”
“Okay, I wouldn't be scared if it was a gun, but an Iguana is a completely different story. I'm out of here.”

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


According to authorities, the man threw a menu at a waitress at a Perkins Restaurant in Painesville on April 16. When a manager intervened, the man removed the iguana from beneath his shirt, twirled it around and threw it at him, police said. Authorities haven't said what provoked the attack.

What was this person thinking? I hope they realize that resolving their problem with a restaurant's service or their menu is not something resolved by throwing creatures at the manager. Did he believe that after throwing a menu at a waitress and an iguana at the manager they would then understand what the problem was and try to resolve it?

“I'm confused why this customer is so upset.”
“What did they say?”
“It's not what they said, it's what they did that upset me.”
“What did they do?”
“They threw a menu at me.”
“What a jerk. I guess he didn't like our prices.”
“No, that's not it.”
“Why?”
“Because then he took an iguana from under his shirt and threw it at the manager.”
“Oh, the ole' throw an iguana from under the shirt routine. It is clear what the problem was in this situation.”
“What was it?”
“You don't offer discounts to people on psychotic medication. It happens all the time.”
“Oh.”


An iguana injured when a man pulled the lizard from under his shirt and threw it at an Ohio restaurant manager remains in protective custody at a humane society that is awaiting court permission to provide medical treatment.

I can only imagine the poor iguana at a human society hospital speaking with other iguanas about their injury.

“What happened to you?”
“I was bitten by a dog?”
“Why are you in the hospital?”
“I was hit by a car.”
“How about you?”
“I broke my leg when my owner took me out from under his shirt and threw me at a restaurant manager.”
“Oh.”

The turquoise female iguana that police named "Copper" has a broken leg, metabolic bone disease, and other ailments, Lake County Humane Society officials told WEWS-TV. The animal needs surgery that will cost about $1,600, but that can't happen until a judge gives approval because the Humane Society is not its owner, society intake coordinator Allison Rothlisberger said Saturday.


A judge who is used to issuing criminal search warrants, sentencing criminal to prison and presiding over court cases will be asked to approve iguana surgery. So, the Humane Society is acting like an iguana foster parent. I'm going to bet this is a difficult situation because I doubt the iguana had medical coverage. I think its owner would want to have it covered since throwing it at restaurant managers it probably very hazardous to an iguana's health.

The Humane Society is seeking tax-deductible donations to pay for the surgery. Copper is receiving basic care, for now, to make the lizard as comfortable as possible, Rothlisberger said.

I wonder what it takes to make an iguana comfortable? Are they placed on a nice bed with plenty of leaves to eat as a television runs the Animal Planet show on cable? Do they like watching the movie The Night of the Iguana? Maybe they get very motivated watching Godzilla movies.



The iguana's 49-year-old owner has been charged with cruelty to animals and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanor charges.

I hope the judge who gave permission for the iguana to receive medical care would be the one to pass judgment on this guy. I hope the judge threw the book at him. A big picture book filled with images of iguanas. Maybe the book would be big enough to hit the man and break his leg. Another part of his punishment could be to have wait staff from Perkins come in and throw menus at him. Then he would get served justice.

Here is a link to the article.





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Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Finland Hosts Heavy Metal Knitting Championship. A Real Story




There are certain things I never thought I would see combined. Sushi and french fries, bicycling and sky diving, dogs with a catnip addiction just to name a few. The country of Finland has shown me I have much to learn. This very creative Nordic nation has decided to combine heavy metal with knitting. They went a step further and turned it into a worldwide competition. They have provided the Metal Knitting Championship. I must admit that knitting and playing heavy metal music is something way beyond my skill set.

Here are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

Finnish Marketing Agency Tovari teamed up with Joensuu City Cultural Services and the Joensuu Conservatory in order to bring together two of the most popular things in the northern European country. Heavy metal is really big in Finland, with over 50 heavy metal bands per 100,000 Finnish citizens (more than anywhere else in the world), and knitting not less so, as hundreds of thousands of people out of a population of around 5.5 million are practising some kind of needlework crafts.


I suppose anyone planning to go to Finland and see popular tourist attractions such as Turku Castle, Sami Culture in Inari, Suomenlinna Fortress or even the Northern Lights in Lapland have one more thing to add to their Finnish trip experience. It may be fun just to watch people as they listen to heavy metal music as they handle reindeer. I always thought a Nordic nation would be a bit on the cold side at certain times of the year. I bet doing needlework would be a good way to pass the time during the cold winter months. Doing needlework crafts with heavy metal music will definitely set the Finnish people dressed in their traditional Karelian apart from the rest of the world. It is pure marketing genius.

“In heavy metal knitting, needlework and music become united like never before. ...In heavy metal knitting, the knitter becomes a part of the band, showing their best needlework tricks as the heavy riffs echo on the background. The knitter takes part in the jam while their balls of yarn and knitting needles swish through the air.”


(Sarcasm Alert)

This would be a fascinating concert to attend. I wonder if a Finnish heavy metal band would end a song by smashing their knitting needles on the stage? I can see a guitar solo involving a band member who puts a knitting project behind their head and continues knitting as the heavy music plays. I wonder if the knitting band member will have all the stage lights on them as they do a knitting solo? There could also be the person knitting who kneels down toward wild crazed fans and knits to the music. At the end of the concert, I wonder if they throw the things they've knitted out to the crowd? This would be a new live musical experience for many of us.

“I went to the concert and got a poster.”
“I got a picture of the band at the concert.”
“That's nothing. I got a tossle cap one of the band members made during the concert.”
“Oh, you are so lucky.”


Knitting enthusiasts wanting to take part in the world’s first Heavy Metal Knitting Championship have to download the song “Fight or Die” by Joensuu heavy metal band Maniac Abductor and upload a one-minute clip of themselves knitting to it to YouTube.

It would be something for a heavy metal band to be discussing what to do for their next gig and someone suggests heavy metal knitting.

“We've run out of places to perform. Any suggestions about what we should do for work?
“There is playing at the summer festivals.”
“Maybe.”
“There is opening for a few acts playing in the battle of the band's concert.”
“That is a real possibility.”
“How about we get someone in the band who can knit.”
“Why?”
“So we can compete in the heavy metal knitting championship in Finland.”
“Sounds great, my grandmother knits.”
“Mine plays heavy metal music.”
“Mine once watched a documentary about Finland on public television.”
“Get the camera for the video. We are there.”


“When playing guitar as well as knitting stitches it is all about the pleasure of creating something cool with your hands. And – it’s all about the attitude!”

I think if you are able to create a great heavy metal song, as well as make a nice pair of socks, you've got some real talent. If there comes a time when you can no longer play an instrument, you would always be able to knit things and make a living. I'm sure coming on stage and lifting your knitting needles right before the music starts would show the right attitude. As they introduced the band you would be known as the heavy metal knitter.

Next thing you know there will be food eating contests combined with a symphony playing classical music.

It actually sounds like a lot of fun.

Below is a link to the story.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/47900991

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Monday, October 7, 2019

You Can Pay People In China To Give You Compliments, Keep You Company and More. A Real Story.


I have always admired people who have the entrepreneurial spirit. These are creative individuals who will discover a need in society and figure ways to provide the goods or services necessary to meet that need. Chinese entrepreneurs have seen a need in situations I would not consider a business opportunity. In China, there is a company you can pay to give you compliments. They also offer a way to vent your rage at a fictional character. If that isn't enough, you can pay to have someone try a restaurant and tell you what the food is like there. I do wonder if you have the money to pay for these services, why you would want to pay for these services? I suppose I'm putting my ignorance of Chinese culture on display.

Here are some excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

We all have rough days. If you’re in the need for a regular pick-me-up, you can actually pay people to make you feel better by showering you with compliments. And it’s available at the click of a button on Taobao.

(Abacus is a unit of the South China Morning Post, which is owned by Alibaba, which also owns Taobao.)

A praising session of five minutes costs about US$7.50, a trifling amount for a daily self-confidence boost. The purchase allows you to join a so-called praising group on WeChat or QQ. There, people will do their best to give you over-the-top compliments and inspire you with cheesy messages.


I imagine this would appeal to people who have paid a lot of money to do their hair or purchase new clothes, shoes as well as do their nails. Why would they want to take the chance of not getting a compliment after making such an investment? Who wants honesty when you can guarantee your ego gets fed for only $7.50? I imagine there are probably people who don't take good care of themselves and then pay to have five minutes of compliments.

Imagine a rather unkempt person who is tired of being scorned in public because of their lack of attention to hygiene paying for such a service.

“I paid my money and I want a compliment.”
“The nausea I felt upon first seeing you is now completely gone.”
“Keep going, I want to feel like I've been complimented.”
“It's obvious you are a person who is not afraid to go against the social norm for hygiene. You are a leader.”
“Okay, some more.”
“You are someone who makes others happy when they realize they're not you.”
“You can do better.”
“The more people see you, the more they appreciate speaking with you over the internet. Seeing you in person would be overwhelming for most people even Hazmat teams.”
“I still got some time left so keep it going.”
“I can't do this, I'm giving you your money back. You've broken me. I quit this job.”
“Geeeze, the third person this week. Guess I'll just talk to another replacement.”


Similar to praising groups, another type of group available on Taobao will help you vent your anger in a very special way. Scolding groups let you vent your frustrations by lashing out at fictional characters...users can pay a small one-time membership fee (US$0.15) on Taobao to hurl abuse at these characters in chat groups along with other fans of the show.

This may be somewhat mentally healthy. If you are the type of person who enjoys venting your frustrations on people this could work. Many times when these people lash out at others, they often experience violence, social chastisement, as well as family members forgetting to tell them about the next family gathering. This way they could simply vent on a fictional character in a chat group.

“I hate that McSanders. He is a real jerk and idiot.”
“I think McSanders has an IQ with a decimal point in the front.”
“He so ugly McSanders makes blind children cry.”
“He's so stupid when the weather forecaster said it was chilly outside, he grabbed a bowl.
“I feel better. I'm so glad I paid money to insult a fictional character.”
“You're in the wrong chat room, this is the McSanders family chat room.”
“Oops.”


The service is offered on second-hand platform Xianyu, which also belongs to Alibaba, China News Service reported. The vendors will take pictures and videos of the food that you so generously decided to pay them to eat. Sellers offer many details to give you an idea of what you’re missing out on.

I know I'm a person with no athletic talent, mechanical mind or ability with science. I do know that I can eat food and talk about it with the best of them. Having a job where people pay you to eat and tell them about it would be so great. I believe I would be a natural.

“You know the food you paid for me to eat at this four-star restaurant is great. I also enjoyed all of the bottles of wine you paid for me to drink. This, of course, can't begin to describe how great the dessert was you paid for me to eat.'
“I have one question.”
“What?”
“I know gaining weight is an occupational hazard but would you consider paying for my diet? I'll tell you all about it in a video for the right price.”
“Let me think about it.”

Below is a link to the story.


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Sunday, October 6, 2019

British Woman Marries Herself. A Real Story


I look at some stories and realize I am out of touch with many beliefs held by the younger generations. I always believed that getting married required two people. In my case, it was me and my wife. This made the wedding ceremony quite pleasant as well as the honeymoon and more. I never thought there could be another way. It seems I am really wrong about it. There is a woman who appears to have broken the two-person marriage mold. This trend-setting female married herself. I can only imagine that getting a marriage license would resemble a comedy skit from Monty Python.

“Are you here to get a marriage license?”
“Yes.”
“I see you've filled out your name but the name of the spouse has been left blank.”
“There is a good reason for me doing it.”
“What is the reason?”
“I'm marrying myself.”
“What?”
“I've known myself my entire life. I've been dating myself for such a long time, I felt it was just time for me to take this big step with myself.”
“You can't marry yourself?”
“Why not?”
“People don't marry themselves?'
“Oh, I see you're one of those super old-fashioned individuals. Many people didn't believe gays should have a right to be married, but we now have legalized gay marriage. If you can permit people of the same sex to be married, you can give me a marriage license to marry myself.”
“I have one question.”
“What happens if there comes a time when you want to divorce yourself.”
“I've worked that one out, but I hope it doesn't happen.”
“I agree.”

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


Writing in The Telegraph, a 42-year-old British woman chortled that the best day of her life came last June — the day she married herself.

Melissa Denton, a two-time a divorcee with two children, writes, “The idea to marry myself came to me in January last year when I was at work one day. Three weeks before, on Christmas Eve, I had received a text message from my boyfriend of five and a half years: ‘I can’t do this anymore, it’s over,’ it said … It was devastating and left me in a funk, unable to eat, sleep or smile.”

I've heard of rebound relationships, but I never heard of someone having a rebound relationship with themselves. This woman was divorced twice. It's not like she hasn't had the marriage experience. I'm sure when she married herself there was no argument about how the ceremony should be conducted or where the wedding should be held. I can imagine if she called her boyfriend who dumped her, and invited him to the wedding and told him she was marrying herself. An interesting conversation would take place.

“I'm over the ending of our relationship. I would like you to come to my wedding.”
“Who are you marrying?”
“Myself.”
“Huh?”
“I know it seems too soon after we broke up, but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with me. I've moved on and I hope you find happiness as I have with me.”
“I'll be there for one reason.”
“What?”
“I want to see you kiss the bride.”
“I hope you enjoy it.


Denton bought a ring and set the wedding date. She admits her colleagues thought she was crazy, but she had previously shaved her head to raise money for a cancer charity and later dyed her hair pink and wore a nose ring.

(Sarcasm Alert)

Little did I know if you shave your head to raise money for a charity and then wear a nose ring and have pink hair, people should expect you to marry yourself. I'm sure the only reason her colleagues thought she was crazy is that they are all too afraid to marry themselves. I bet most of her friends who are not in a relationship could be dating themselves. It is probably happening without them having any desire to make a commitment to themselves. This is a woman with the moral integrity to honor her relationship with herself with marriage.

What would the wedding vows be like?

“Do you take yourself to be your lawfully wedded husband and wife.”
“I do.”
“Do you promise to love, honor and cherish yourself all the days of your life?”
“I do.”
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you wedded to yourself. You may now kiss yourself.”


She’s committed to the idea of marrying herself, though: “Some people don’t understand it – but to me, it made absolute sense and that’s why I’m going to renew my vows at a similar ceremony every year, even if I am in a relationship. I have even bought four wedding dresses that can be used in the future. It is a way to centre and value myself, as well as remember that I can receive the love that is equal, not one-sided.


I suppose it is good that she is totally committed. I mean, committed to herself. I like how she is going to renew her wedding vows to herself every year, even if she's in a relationship. I wonder what it would be like to have a girlfriend who asks you to go to a ceremony where she renews her wedding vows to herself. I would find that a bit odd, but I would probably go if she had some really good food and a great DJ. In this situation, you could spend the night with the bride and not worry about having to deal with an angry groom. This story would make a lot more sense if this woman's name was actually Sybil.

Here is a link to the story.


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