Barrack Obama and Mowing the Lawn

It is true that our current president has never come close to getting a favorable performance rating from me.  I think he’s a weak and indecisive leader who doesn’t have the slightest understanding of economics.  I will go further and state that truth, honesty and reality are concepts I believe are beyond his ability to comprehend.  The only thing I truly admire about Barack Obama is his ability to not take responsibility for anything in any situation no matter what. 

I decided to adopt his approach to things and I must say the results were impressive.  My wife came into my office the other day and said “Are you going to mow the lawn today like you promised?”

I simply looked at her and gave my most arrogant and condescending smirk before responding.

“I didn’t promise to mow the lawn, this house and this neighborhood promised to mow the lawn.  I was simply responding to the needs and desires of this house and community.  I want to know what this house and community are going to do about it.”

My wife looked at me with a level of confusion seen by many Americans after a statement by our current president.

“But you said you’d mow the lawn.”

I supply another arrogant and condescending smirk before responding.

“There you go again trying to twist my words around into something I didn’t say.  Why would I mow the lawn and what has it done to deserve this mowing?”

My wife starts looking around for hidden cameras.  She’s seems stunned.

“It’s ah, well, grown.” 

“Before I punish this lawn for growing, I’m going to ask for a vote on it from our daughter.”

“She lives 2,000 miles away.”

“She has lived in this house and this community.  That lawn is also her responsibility.  It is crucial she be a part of this important decision.”

My wife opened her mouth but no words came out.  She tried to say something but seemed unable to respond.  As she walked away I felt being like Barrack Obama may have its benefits.  I went back to my online chess game quite happy.

The other day I was speaking with a neighbor and explained my situation with the lawn.  I told him how I didn’t really have enough support for mowing the lawn.  His young son looked up and said “Why don’t you promise to not mow the lawn if it promises not to grow anymore.”

His father looked at me and said “Sounds reasonable.  I’ll go and tell your lawn to stop growing.  Another neighbor agreed and they went to negotiate the non-mowing terms with my lawn.  I triumphantly returned to my house.

“You what?” said my wife in a rather sarcastic tone.  She obviously didn’t comprehend my brilliance in handling of our lawn mowing situation.

“That’s right.  I’ve instructed our neighbors to negotiate a settlement with the lawn.  It stops growing and I have no need to use a mower on it.  Can’t you see how this is the best possible resolution for this situation?”

My wife’s face became red and she actually seemed to be upset with me.

“That doesn’t make any sense at all.  The lawn still needs to be mowed, it continues to grow and nothing has changed.”

I then gave another arrogant and condescending smirk before I spoke.

“You only say that because I have ten letters in my last name. If I was a person with nine letters or less in my last name, I doubt you would treat me this way.  Let this be clear proof of your intolerant behavior toward people who have ten letters in their last name.  Will your prejudice against ten-letter-last-named people ever stop?”

After screaming for a bit my wife actually begins to yell at me.

“Having ten letters in your last name has nothing to do with it.  The lawn needs to be mowed and rather than do what you promised, you’re doing everything but actually taking care of it.”

“So you’re telling me only people with less than ten letters in their last name can do anything right?  If I had less than ten letters in my last name, the lawn would be mowed?  Is that what you’re saying?  You ten-letter-last-name-haters always show your true feelings eventually.”

After some more screaming my wife abruptly turns and walks out of the room.  I was getting the hang of being like our president.

In time my lawn continued to grow and became rather unsightly.  I had done what I could in this situation and didn’t see how the overgrown lawn was my fault.  I didn’t see how anybody could blame me for it.

One day an official from our community came and gave me a warning that my lawn had become unsightly and I needed to take care of it.  I told him he only gave me that warning because I have ten letters in my last name.  When he seemed confused I gave him an arrogant and condescending smirk.

“The real question is what are you going to do about this lawn in your community?  I’ve done what I could and now I think it’s something you need to address.”

I think I’m getting so good at being like Barrack Obama; I’m ready to run for office.