Friday, October 4, 2019

Women Arrested at CIA Headquarters Asking for Agent Penis. A Real Story.


I've seen many movies and stories concerning spies. I admit to being a guy envious of the character of James Bond as well as all of the guys who got to play the James Bond character. I know they had a lot of implied sexual situations, and if that didn't get the movie's ticket sales going, they also added a variety of sexual innuendos. As a young guy, I enjoyed telling my parents I saw the movie Octopussy. I enjoyed their expression of shock. I would show then show my parents the movie's listing in the newspaper and tell them it wasn't an X-rated movie. They didn't believe me and didn't want me to mention the movie in their house. I waited until we were out with friends or family to mention seeing it.

Those were good times.

It seems as if those James Bond movies may have had a tremendous impact on one female in North Carolina. She went to the CIA Headquarters in Virginia and tried to sneak in so she could speak with agent penis. I wonder if the wife of agent penis was named agent vagina and she was in a few of the James Bond movies I enjoyed so much during my youth.

I may never know.

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.


A North Carolina woman was arrested this week after trying four separate times to sneak into the Central Intelligence Agency headquarters in Virginia.

The criminal complaint described the unusual incident: “Upon arrival, the defendant provided her Iowa identification card, requested to recover her North Carolina identification card, and requested to speak to Agent Penis."

Now if a video was made of this interaction, it might surpass a billion viewers mark on YouTube. I could be responsible for a few million views myself.

“Excuse, me ma'am, how may I help you?”

A woman wearing dark glasses, a scarf covering her head with stylish gloves looks around. She seems confident she doesn't see anyone who may be a problem. The woman leans in closely to the CIA desk attendant.

“I am here to see agent penis,” she whispers.

The CIA desk attendant is probably not accustomed to dealing with individuals entering the CIA headquarters and requesting to speak with agents named after male genitalia. The CIA desk attendant is taken aback.

“Agent who? “ the CIA desk attendant responds.

The woman now becomes agitated. She again looks around but now has a rather intense expression on her face.

“I need to speak with agent penis. I don't expect someone working at the desk to know about agent penis, but I must speak with him. It is of an urgent matter,” the woman says in a voice a bit louder than a whisper.

“Why do you need to speak to with someone called agent penis?”

The woman holds out her Iowa identification card.

“Are you daft? Here is my Iowa identification card. I must recover my North Carolina identification card and the only one who can help me is agent penis. I don't know how I could make it any more clear to you.”

I'm sure it was pretty fascinating to have a CIA desk attendant call their supervisor and say there was a woman in the lobby of the building asking to see agent penis.


After a review of records, Officer Mirko Peña determined that "CIA police officers had encountered the defendant on several recent occasions, and had cited her for trespassing on the prior evening."

The story only gets better. This is a woman who has nothing better to do in her life but bother people at the CIA headquarters asking for agent penis. I wonder if she ever asked to speak with agent vagina, to show she's not prejudiced against women? I wonder if she is in touch with the reality of what she is doing?



“I'm sorry, I have to ask you to leave.”
“Why?”
“There is no agent penis.”
“I know you don't want anyone to know about agent penis, but he promised to help me recover my North Carolina identification card.”
“We don't do that at the CIA.”
“You are probably not in the intelligence loop at this high of a level. You probably don't know about the covert operations involving agent penis. During the operation, I lost my identification and agent penis said he would get it back to me.”
“There is no agent penis.”
“Then let me speak with agent vagina.”
“There is no agent vagina.”
“It is a shame you do not have a security clearance that would make it possible for you to know about our covert operations.”
“Really? Agent penis and agent vagina on a covert operation? Is it in the porn industry.”
“If anyone asks you, you did not hear it from me.”


“Officers then warned the defendant that if she did not depart the premises, she would be arrested. The defendant then declined to board the bus and stated that "l am not leaving." Officers thereupon arrested the defendant for remaining on an Agency installation after being ordered to leave,” the document continues. 

You have to admire her determination. I suppose once you get the idea of seeing agent penis in your mind, it is not something that is easy to let go.

I can only imagine her struggling and yelling as she is being arrested.

“You'll be sorry. Once agent penis hears about this all of you will lose your jobs. He is a hard person to calm down once he's angry. Agent vagina will also be angry and will not make herself available to any of you. This is a big mistake.”

The full document, which is available above, finds that the woman, Jennifer G. Hernandez, did not have any “authorization” to speak with any “Agent Penis.”
Hernandez was charged with criminal trespassing in the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia.

I wonder what it would be like for her in jail.

“What did you do?”
“I murdered my spouse and set our house on fire.”
“How about you?”
“I robbed a gas station and shot the owner.”
“How about you?”
“I went to the CIA headquarters in Virginia and demanded to speak with agent penis.”
“Whoa, you really are one crazy lady.”

Here is a link to the story.




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