We should all realize how animals are like humans. They eat, sleep, have flatulence and are always on the outlook for the perfect mate. This is a very difficult situation for cows living on farms. I suppose when cows get involved in the wrong relationship the results can be quite dramatic.
“You are so full of bull”
“Oh, yeah, and your problem is you're just one big heifer.”
“I can remember when you called me your little dairy queen.”
“I remember when you called me your top sirloin.”
“What happened to us?
“I don't know. It may be time for us to move on.”
Due to the advancements in modern technology, it is now possible for a cow to find their perfect mate with a dating app. This is for real. It is called 'Tudder' and is considered a combination of Tinder and udder. It is obviously a marketing genius that came up with such a name.
Here are some excerpts from the story with my brilliant analysis.
It lets farmers swipe right on cattle they like the look of.
They are then directed to a page on the SellMyLivestock
website where they can browse more pictures and data about the animals before deciding whether to buy.
website where they can browse more pictures and data about the animals before deciding whether to buy.
Can you imagine a farmer looking at this?
“I have to get Boris a mate. Him and old Bessie just don't get along like they used to back in the day.
The farmer is dedicated to finding his bull the perfect love and looks at the app and points to a cow he sees.
“Yeah, now that cow ought to just bring Boris the Bull...udder delight. Why look at how she chews her cud, you know how Boris likes the wild cud chewer types.”
Valuable information is available on matters like milk yield and protein content, or calving potential, explained Doug Bairner, CEO of Hectare Agritech.
Farmer says, “Oh, she is a beauty, but she can't kick out the milk like we want, so on to the next cow. This other one is ugly, but she can flood the place with milk and will probably plop out calves like candy through a Pez dispenser. We'll take her.”
I'm sure a government agency sometime in the future will require this listing of cattle's flatulence creation levels. If they had that on human dating apps, I'm sure dating would be very different.
“Matching livestock online is even easier than it is to
match humans because there’s a huge amount of data that sits behind these wonderful animals that predict what their offspring will be,” he said.
match humans because there’s a huge amount of data that sits behind these wonderful animals that predict what their offspring will be,” he said.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I believe their offspring will be cows or bulls. I doubt we're looking for cattle to provide the world with bovine lawyers or physicians.
As with the human equivalent, farmers use smartphones to first choose whether they are looking for a male or female, swiping through photos - right for yes and left for no - until they find a match.
I can just imagine a farmer looking at these pictures on his phone.
“Nope, this one looks too gull-a-bull. Nope, this one looks too much like a nin-cow-poop, but this one seems like a low-flatulence lovely.”
James Bridger said, “There’s nothing better than seeing an animal in its home, its natural habitat.”
Couldn't a computer hacker have fun with this one? They could post pictures of cows at a bar on a beach having drinks. Other pictures could show cows in clubs dancing or at sporting events. They could be called Bovine Beach Party Cows or Wild Party Heifers or even Sports Bull. I'm sure this app could get the other farm animals jealous. Roosters would want to know if they could choose their chickens, goats tired of the same females on the farm want something different. Male dogs would want a new b&^ch.”
So, there you have it. I wonder if people would be upset if cows have more success finding a mate using a dating app than them?
They would probably yell, “This is a bunch of bull.”
Here is a link to the article
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/tinder-for-cows-matches-livestock-in-the-mood-for-love_n_5c659fa5e4b0bcddd40fadc2
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Here is a video of the cow App being discussed on the Conan Obrian Show
Here is a link to a funny story on It Is A Glorious Day
It is about a Man Who Lived as a Goat. Real story.
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