Wife Carrying Championship. A Real Story.

I can honestly say my wife does not weigh too much. I still am not motivated to carry her many places. This attitude could change since I discovered the North American Wife Carrying Championship. I'm sure things between us would change if winning money or beer is involved.

“No dessert for you, we're in training.”

“I'm still hungry.”

“Why?”

“I guess that lettuce leaf and carrot just didn't fill me up.”

“Oh quit complaining. I'm the one doing the carrying.”

“Why did you eat my dessert?”
“I'm willing to absorb calories that could damage your beautiful figure. It's the right thing to do in this situation. I'll need the energy.”

“What if I starve to death?”

“Don't let that happen until I see if there is a dead wife carrying championship.”

“\^$^%%&$&$(@#@((”

“Or maybe swearing wife championship. I know I married a true winner.”

Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.

The legend behind the North American Wife Carrying Championship is based on the 19th century Finnish legend "Ronkainen the Robber" who had high qualifications for the men he accepted into his band. To prove their worth, men had to compete through a difficult course with a heavy sack (or woman grabbed from neighboring villages) on their back. The first modern-day wife-carrying event was held in Finland in 1991 and foreign contestants were admitted in 1995.

Oh, those fun-loving people from Finland. What a great place to have a legend about a robber who required men to carry one thing or another on their back through a course to join them. I'm sure it was a time before resumes and employment application forms.

To join these guys a man could just carry a heavy sack or a woman grabbed from a nearby village. If I had to choose to run a course with a heavy sack or a female on my back, I'd start looking for any female adult midget available in a nearby village.

You have to respect the Finnish people's dedication to preserving history. I can imagine how keeping the memory of Ronkainen the Robber alive is very important. They kept this fun sport to themselves for five years before opening up this special event to the rest of the world. I'm sure Ronkainen the Robber is so very proud.

Wife carrying is based on husband-and-wife teams racing with the husband carrying the wife through a regulation length obstacle course featuring log hurdles, sand traps, and the always popular "widow maker" water hazard. The fastest two teams from the qualifying round then compete head-to-head in a final heat.

My wife has been known to be a very harsh critic of my driving, I can only imagine what she would be like if I had to carry her through an obstacle course.

“You aren't running fast enough to make it over the log hurdle.”

“Yes I am, we'll be fine.”

“It wouldn't hurt you to speed things up if you want to win this race.”

“Oh, yeah, why don't you carry me then?”

“In case you didn't notice I'm the wife and you are the husband.”

“How could I forget? You're busy telling me how to do something.”

“Be careful in the water hazard. I don't want my hair to get too messed up.”

“It's a water hazard. It's not designed to complement your hairstyle.”

“I know, I'm just asking you to be careful. Pay attention when we are in the sand. You know how I hate it when it gets in my clothes.”

“I'll be doing the driving when we go home.”

“Why?.”

“I'm driving without you. I think you need to find another guy to carry you home.”

“*&^^&#*@!#^!”

“Okay, I'll see about getting you entered into the swearing wife championship.”

The winning couple takes home the wife's weight in Goose Island Oktoberfest beer, five times her weight in cash, and an entry into the World Championship, which takes place in Finland the following summer. 

Now, what type of winning to take would be a difficult decision. I can see where the winning guy would be so very happy with getting five times his wife's weight in beer. I would love to win five times my wife's weight in beer. If I had the option of having five times her weight in Diva Vodka, that would be even more of a motivation to win this race. I'm sure the women involved would want five times her weight in cash. Too bad they don't have options to compromise such as three times her weight in beer and two times her weight in cash. This could resolve a lot of issues.

This seems like a wonderful and exotic competition to watch or to be a participant. I hope one day they have some type of competitions for someone like me. How about getting your wife to swear at you in the quickest amount of time? I would be a favorite. There could be a championship competition to see who could ignore their wife the longest as she talks about her family championship. I would match my skills against anyone in that category. I don't know what historical Finnish robber group I would qualify to replicate in the modern world, but if it involves winning cash or alcohol, I am more than motivated.

Below is a link to the story.

https://www.sundayriver.com/events/north-american-wife-carrying-championship