When I was a child, it was always a really cool idea to command animals. The original movie Willard came out when I was young. It was a movie about a young man named Willard. He was bullied by his boss and yelled at by his mother He is then befriended by rats. To make a long story short, the rats destroy people and protect Willard. After watching this movie, I felt it would be neat to command wolves or bears or some type of animal known for its ferocity. A man in Florida must not realize the value of a ferocious animal when it comes to defeating people. He threatened to destroy a town with turtles. This is for real.
Below are excerpts from the story with my valuable insights in italics.
A self-proclaimed “saint” was arrested in a coastal Florida town Sunday after screaming obscenities and threatening to unleash an army of turtles, an arrest affidavit reportedly said.
What would a movie about this be called? Night of the Terrapin? I'm sure it would be quite a long movie since turtles are known for taking their time with things. I like how this guy was telling people he was a saint. I wonder if he was known in the church circles as Saint Florida Crazy Guy, the patron saint of turtles.
“There is an army of turtles on their way to destroy the town.”
“They've been on their way to destroy the town for a few days.”
“I know, but they're turtles, it will take them a bit of time to get here.”
Authorities received multiple calls about a man who was disturbing the peace at several businesses in Indialantic, a town about 75 miles southeast of Orlando, the affidavit said. The suspect, later identified as 61-year-old Thomas Devaney Lane, was calling himself “the saint” and allegedly said his army of turtles would “destroy everyone,”
I wonder if Saint Crazy Florida Guy even realized not many people feel fear when they think of a turtle. It's like threatening to destroy a town with an army of guinea pigs. It may not even make the evening news.
“Thank you for watching lame news. Our top breaking news story is about an army of guinea pigs that have massed near us and appears poised to march on the city.”
“Are the local public officials prepared to deal with such an invasion?”
“Yes, they're putting up spinning wheels all over the town and are laying out carrots and cabbage in case the guinea pigs get hungry.”
“Good to see the situation is well in hand. Now on to more local news.”
Lane accompanied a responding officer back to police headquarters where he pounded on the walls and glass before leaving the station, police said. Officers later found him in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven where he allegedly cursed out customers and called 911, Orlando's Fox 35 reported. Lane allegedly told the 911 operator that the responding officer “needed to leave now or you will all be sorry you f---ed with the saint,” the report said.
I must give this guy credit for having an attitude. I can only imagine the type of conversation that took place at the police station.
“You don't understand. I'm Saint Crazy Florida Guy. I've been sent here to command an army of turtles to take over your city. When I give the command, thousands of turtles filled with rage will descend upon this city.”
“Then what happens?”
Saint Crazy Florida Guy starts pounding on the walls.
“It not my job to figure out what happens next. I was just supposed to curse out customers at a 7-Eleven and say crazy things to the 911 operator and police. I was then supposed to come here and act crazy. I then had to pound on the walls and glass.”
“You did a good job.”
“Thanks.”
Police said Lane refused to exit his vehicle and was taken out by force. During that ordeal, Lane allegedly continued to shout obscenities while warning passers-by about an impending army of turtles, Fox 35 reported.
What fun it would be to be walking past the local 7-Eleven, see a crazy man being subdued by police who is cursing and yelling about an army of turtles that will soon attack the city?
“If you don't walk faster we'll miss the beginning of the movie.”
“Unless that movie has Saint Crazy Florida Guy swearing and talking about an army of turtles, I'm staying right here. This is more interesting.”
“Okay.”
Lane was arrested and charged with disturbing the peace, resisting arrest without violence and misusing 911, Florida Today reported. He taken into Brevard County Jail Complex later released on bail
I can only imagine if this guy had someone from his work witness what happened.
“Was that you who I saw swearing at the police and threatening to command an army of turtles to take over the city?
“Ah, what is your definition of threatening? It could have just been a strong suggestion about the more aggressive species of turtles here in Florida.”
“Didn't you call yourself the saint?”
“Oh, I'm sure we all feel saintly at times.”
“Tell it to human resources.”
“Don't make me use my turtle army on this company.”
Here is a link to the story.
https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-threatening-to-destroy-town-with-army-of-turtles-police
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