The month of May is
officially Zombie Awareness Month. Unfortunately, this is
not a joke but true. It was created by the Zombie Research
Society. These people are united in saving the world from
a fast-approaching Zombie pandemic. This is one
group of people who are a therapist dream.
Now it’s not
enough to just have a month dedicated to Zombies, this group of
individuals believes you should also wear a gray ribbon during
the month of May to (are you ready for this?) signify the undead
shadows that lurk behind our modern light of day. Talk
about bad things that happen to people when their cable is out too
long.
Since when do Zombies
deserve an entire month? Presidents, Martin Luther King
and even the birth of Jesus only get one day. Did a Zombie
ever invent something important or lead a crusade against society for
Zombie rights? I’m sure no Zombie ever was a great
political leader or a notable military strategist. I’m
sure their idea of helping the homeless would be to put them on the
menu.
What is it exactly that a
Zombie does all day? I’m sure many people struggle to
look for work, but I can only imagine what it would be like if you
were undead. You always see Zombies walking around in
movies looking scary and being unaware when their body parts fall
off. I guess that deserves recognition. Sure
they make some living people their dinners and a few others they just
nibble on to turn into fellow Zombies, but does that mean they
deserve an entire month? What would happen if members of
the Zombie Research Society ever went before Congress to
get federal recognition of Zombie Awareness Month?
A sea of
reporters lines the back of a chamber in Congress awaiting
the beginning of the proceedings. Into the chamber walks a
group of Zombies. They go past a horrified crowd
talking and pointing at them. The Zombies sit down at
desks before the elected officials. Congressmen and
Senators look down at them from their elevated position.
“Now as
I understand it you Zombies want federal recognition of Zombie
Awareness Month. I must tell you I am not very happy with
your group. You’ve devoured a few of the reporters out
there but not the ones that write bad stories about me. Why
do you do such things?”
The Zombies look at each
other and in a low monotone sound grumble, moan and groan. Suddenly
one of them stands up and his arm falls off.
“We’re
sorry Senator. We were hungry. As you know we
in the living dead community are unable to eat food like we did when
we were actually alive. Sorry for getting the wrong
reporter. We’ll try and do better next time. Please
understand this recognition would mean so much to all of us
Zombies. It’s not easy being undead. The
majority of society just doesn’t understand us. Sure, we
eat some people and chew on others to make more Zombies but it’s
not our fault. That’s just the way we’re made. It’s
not like any of us wanted this for ourselves. We didn’t
run up to a Zombie and ask to be bitten and become undead. It
happens to some people and when it does we have to accept who we
are. Can’t anyone understand we don’t like being
Zombies either? Where’s the compassion in our society?”
A mixture of crowd
voices arises as a woman in the audience dabs her eye to
prevent a tear from rolling down her cheek. Other people
look at the Zombies with warm smiles and some even pat them on the
shoulder and watch the Zombies arms fall off. It’s a
touching moment. The Senator pounds the gavel as silence
slowly comes to the chamber.
“You’ve
made a compelling argument. I move that we officially
recognize Zombie Awareness Month. I also think our
government should spend millions of tax-payer dollars on Zombie
sensitivity training as well as training and education for the
undead. I believe it’s important for even the undead to
be given the opportunity to become a productive member of society.”
The crowd erupts with
applause as the senator pins on his gray ribbon. The
Zombies try to clap but unfortunately, their body parts
fall off and some of them begin eating a bailiff
I can only imagine the
type of questions someone gets when wearing a gray ribbon.
“Is your ribbon for AIDS
awareness?
“No.”
“Breast Cancer
awareness?
“No.”
“Clumsy Child awareness?
“No. Zombie
Awareness Month.”
“What?”
“Hey, if you think
things are tough for the living can you imagine the struggles
experienced by the undead?
“You have a point.”
Many of my friends see
something like this and tell me I need to have an open mind. I agree
there are many times when having an open mind to something ridiculous
can cause a bunch of nonsense to clog your common sense thinking.
Here is a link to the story.
Here is a funny video from
It is a Glorious Day.
It is called:
Kinemortophobia is a fear of zombies and it's for real
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