There is an old saying from writer Clare Boothe Luce that goes “No good deed goes unpunished.” That is never truer than when regular citizens get tangled in the web of the federal government’s bureaucracy. Case in point is the experience of eleven-year-old aspiring veterinarian Skylar Capo and her mother Alison. When Skylar became aware a baby woodpecker in her dad’s backyard was about to be eaten by the family cat she felt compelled to intervene on behalf of the baby woodpecker. I imagine the family cat could probably skip a baby woodpecker meal. It doubtless has more than enough meow mix and fancy feast coming its way.
With the baby woodpecker saved from becoming a cat treat Skylar went to her mother Alison and asked if she could take it home. An exhaustive search to locate the baby woodpecker’s mother failed. Alison Capo being a person with a kind heart who loves and supports her daughter agreed that the avian member of the Picidae bird family could be taken to their home. (Yes, I looked that up in a science dictionary)
Their plan was to take care of the bird for a few days and make sure it was safe from hungry cats and uninjured. They were then going to release the baby woodpecker into the wild. The mother and daughter’s plan sounds like it was pretty reasonable and understandable. Unfortunately they made a stop at a Lowes and brought the bird cage containing the baby woodpecker inside with them because it was hot day. Little did they know that by bringing the bird into the store they would get into trouble.
I’m sure a mother and daughter shopping with a baby woodpecker in a cage did get some attention. Skylar and her mother Alison soon learned that people from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service also shop at Lowes. They were confronted by an agent from this governmental organization who actually pulled out a badge.
They were then informed the woodpecker is a protected species under the Federal Migratory Bird Act and therefore transporting or taking a baby woodpecker is illegal. They tried to explain they had no idea about the Federal Migratory Bird Act. (The following is sarcasm so you people at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service please resist the urge to pull out your badges) That’s hard to imagine because I thought the Federal Migratory Bird Act was on the New York Times Top Ten list for federal acts that you must read. Just the other day I had to choose between reading the latest book by John Grisham or the Federal Migratory Bird Act and I said Grisham has to wait because I can’t wait to experience all the excitement associated with reading a federal statute.
When Skylar and her mother Alison returned home they opened the cage and the bird flew away. I’m sure it couldn’t stand the thought of going to Lowes again. Like most of us the baby woodpecker probably found the experience pretty overwhelming. Alison then called the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agent to say the bird was now out in the realm of nature. The people at the governmental agency seemed happy. Skylar felt happy she had saved the life of a baby woodpecker and Alison was happy she had supported her daughter.
I think a mother and daughter experiencing so much happiness was a lot for this governmental agency to handle. I’m sure they felt something had to be done. Two weeks after the baby woodpecker went back into the wild Skylar and Alison got a visit to their home. The badge wielding U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service employee from Lowes showed up accompanied by a state trooper. (I suppose they should be glad the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service SWAT team didn’t show up.) Alison Capo refused to accept the citation but was later mailed a notice to appear in U.S. District Court for unlawfully taking a migratory bird. She had also been given a $535 fine. Huh? Agent idiot from the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service knew the story, knew the bird had been released back into the wild and still showed up with a citation. Why? Do the employees from this agency get paid on commission?
Alas common sense eventually prevailed and this federal organization said they simply made a mistake and it was a clerical error. You see a citation drafted by agent idiot was canceled but that silly clerical error made it get processed any way. I would like someone at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to explain if agent idiot knew she had canceled the citation why did she still go to the home of Skylar and Alison Capo with a state trooper? Where do they get the people who work for this organization, The School for the Extremely Ungifted?
I’m sure clerical errors by federal agencies are a common cause of innocent people having agents and state troopers show up at their homes, getting fined and then dragged into federal court. It probably happens all the time. I just hope the agent involved in this incident experiences a clerical error where the decimal point is moved a few places to the left on her paycheck.
No comments:
Post a Comment