Most parents have a child who struggles with deciding on a career path. It seems most kids go to college, technical school, get a job or go into the military. Now for the confused student, there is another option that could provide an exciting and action-packed career for any young person with a desire to enter the religious field. Am I talking about being a missionary in some foreign country where the inhabitants view you as their next holiday meal? No. Due to Bob Larson and the Spiritual Freedom Churches International, aspiring youths can now attend their school for exorcists. The exorcism market seems to have an endless supply of demon possessed people. Why the church boats to have requests for over 1,000 exorcisms a month. With that kind of demand, it’s no wonder their churning out exorcists and quickly as demons can possess people.
Unfortunately, the requirements to attend this school are very high. According to Bob Larson, not everyone is suitable to become an exorcist. Before you join the class you must have had a calling from God. I wonder if a Godly text or Email would suffice.
“God I don’t know what you want me to do with my life.”
“I want you to be an exorcist and cast demons out of people’s bodies.”
“Well, I was sort of leaning toward working at the local ice cream place for a while. It doesn’t pay much but I do like ice cream and Cindy Walters works there which is an obvious perk to anyone who’s seen her.”
“Sounds like a den of sin. Go learn how to cast out demons.”
“Hey, are you really God?”
“No, I’m Cindy Walter’s boyfriend.”
“Oh.”
Once you’re approved the school’s training can take weeks and possibly months. For all those who stick it out and graduate they get to experience a rather distinctive ceremony. All graduating exorcists get a special cross that is engraved with words from the bible they use during an exorcism. All exorcists are required to carry a bible, cross and holy water with them. I’m sure it’s good to know that exorcists travel prepared to perform an exorcism at any time.
“Get out of this man’s body Satan.”
“Hey, buddy I told you we’re out of your favorite ice cream and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“I believe the devil inside you made this happen.”
“Actually my stupid cousin who messed up ordering my product made this happen.”
“Do you think he may be possessed by a demon?”
“Naw, he’s just stupid.”
“Oh.”
It seems that battling demon possession can be quite lucrative. According to a story done by a TV news station in San Diego exorcist guru Bob Larson receives over $100,000 a year in compensation from his church. He is also compensated for travel expenses to the tune of $186,000. He even got $24,000 from the church just for food. Now here is a man who can really count his blessings.
Bob Larson is always quick to point out he doesn’t charge for their exorcism services but does take offerings. I suppose if you or a loved one are given assistance in beating back the ravages of possession by one of Beelzebub’s minions you might become very generous.
Exorcism also seems to be a Larson family business. Bob Larson’s daughter Brynne has been conducting exorcisms since she was 13 years old. When she was younger Larson would return home and she’d ask him how many demons he found that day. Now at age 16 she travels the world performing exorcisms. I can only imagine what type of prom date she would make.
“Do you want to dance?”
“I think you’re possessed.”
“Does that mean you want to make out in the car rather than dance?”
“I’d rather perform an ancient ritual to exorcize demons from your body.”
“Whoa, sounds pretty kinky. Okay, whatever, as long as we’re back before the dinner.”
According to Larson, you don’t have to be a young female to conduct an exorcism but it seems to help. He says his female, teenage exorcists are very effective at casting out demons because they’re so sensitive and very pure. I suppose that means Miley Cyrus will have to stick with being a performer and give up any hope she ever had of being an exorcist.
Bob Larson claims he has 100 teams of five to ten exorcists who are well trained and working all over the world. Can you imagine seeing one of your classmates who did this at your reunion?
“What do you do now?”
“I’m an engineer at a NASA. What are you doing?”
“Oh, nothing really, I’m an exorcist who travels around the world casting out demons from people’s bodies. No big deal.”
“You know my mother-in-law acts pretty strange at times.”
“Here’s my card.”
I really have to wonder how Bob Larson gets away with this stuff. If I had tried to teach my daughter to be an exorcist when she was a teenager I bet Child Youth Services would’ve had her in foster care before I could've said devil’s food cake. It’s obvious that gullible people fill the ranks of the religious. All I need say is Harold Camping, 18.3 million dollars in donations and the world is still here. Is Bob Larson for real or just a performer? No matter what the truth is I can honestly say that I believe (please don’t hate me for this) the devil makes him do it.
Here is a link to the story.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2024621/Meet-exorcist-schoolgirls-spend-time-casting-demons-worldwide.html
Here is a link to the story.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2024621/Meet-exorcist-schoolgirls-spend-time-casting-demons-worldwide.html
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