ECCENTRIC SPORTS AND NON-TRADITIONAL ATHLETES

            I’m like many people who grew up enjoying sports.  When I was young I’d watch my favorite athletes and think about some day playing the game just like them.  I would dream about it in my sleep and talk about it when I was awake.  My problem was I had absolutely no athletic talent.  If I could’ve gotten past that I would’ve been one of the greats in the world of sports.  Oh, I played the local sports and was okay.  My best was a little less than average and my worst was embarrassing.  I’m happy that upon reaching middle age there are still sports where I might be able to compete and become a champion.

WORLD FACE PULLING CHAMPIONSHIP ARTICLE

            There is something called the World Face Pulling Championship or Gurning.  This is an actual competition where people win prize money for moving their face around until it’s distorted and gruesome.  The winner is decided by judges and the difference between the distorted face made and the normal face is what determines the winner.

            “What are you doing?”

            “I’m moving my face around to compete in the World Face Pulling Championship.”

            “Are you spending a lot of time training?”

            “Yeah, are you also training for the Championship?”

            “Ah, no.”

            “Sorry, really sorry.”

GERMAN WORLD TOBACCO SNIFFING CHAMPIONSHIP  ARTICLE

            If moving your face around isn’t for you there is always the German Tobacco Sniffing Championship.  Every year hundreds of people gather at a small Bavarian village called Kucha to fill their nostrils with tobacco.  It’s a sport dominated by Bavarians who actually have tobacco sniffing clubs and regularly train.  It seems each participant is given 18 ounces of tobacco and must then get as much of it in their nose as possible in a specified time.  I hope I’m never around when one of those participants has to sneeze.

PIG-N-FORD RACES ARTICLE

            If you would like more physical sport there is always Pig-N-Ford races.  Drivers in this competition use stripped Model T Fords with stock mechanicals.  When the starter pistol fires drivers must run and grab a live 20 pound pig, start their stripped Model T Ford using a hand-crank and drive a lap around a track holding the pig.  When they complete a lap they must kill their car’s engine, get another pig, restart their car and go another lap.  The first driver to complete three laps without losing a pig is the winner.  I wonder if the champion also gets a years supply of ham, sausage, bacon and pork chops?

CHESS BOXING ARTICLE FROM ESPN

            If you’re intelligent and also physically violent the sport of Chess boxing just may be for you.  This is where participants go up to eleven rounds alternating between boxing and playing chess.  Each round is made up of four minutes of playing chess and two minutes of boxing.  The winner is the person who scores a knockout or checkmate.  I don’t think we ever have to worry about a movie entitled “Rocky XXX Chess Boxing Day.”

            “Rocky, you can’t win.”

            “Yo, Adrian maybe I can’t get a checkmate but maybe I can get a knockout.”

            “Last time you saw the pieces on a chess board you thought they were from our grandson’s plastic toy castle.”

            “Sometime I gotta’ do what I gotta’ do.”

SEGWAY POLO ARTICLE

            If you  long for a sport with a bit of geek sophistication there is something called Segway Polo.  People actually ride around on a Segway PT over a polo field trying to hit a ball into an opponent’s goal.  There is even a governing body for the sport called the International Segway Polo Association (ISPA).  Teams play to be champions and win the Woz Challenge Cup.  I can only imagine what the fans of Segway Polo would do if their team lost in a championship.  They might download a computer virus, put up a rather nasty website about the other team.  In an extreme case they could call them a bunch of mother boards in a text.

JOGGLING ARTICLE

            Let’s say that you’re a track runner who loves to juggle or a juggler who loves to run track.  The sport of Joggling is for you.  This is a sport where competitors must run track and field events while juggling three balls.  They do sprinting events as well as run marathons.  I will never look at Olympic track and field events the same way again.  When the winner gets a gold medal I’ll always wonder if they could’ve done that while juggling.

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS CHAMPIONSHIP ARTICLE

            For those of us who have no athletic ability yet still desire for the thrill of competition there is always the Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship.  This sport has a world championship competition and is governed by an organization known at the World RPS Society.  It’s actually been around since 1842.  I had no idea playing that at lunch during school could’ve really led to something big.

WIFE CARRYING CHAMPIONSHIPS ARTICLE

            If anybody is into team sports then Finland's wife carrying competition is for them.  Men actually carry women 278 yards through two dry obstacles and one wet obstacle.  The wife carrying couple with the shortest time wins.  It started in Finland with the championship competitions starting in 1997.  For people who aren’t real competitive there are a variety of prizes offered.  There are awards given for the most entertaining couple, the best costume and the strongest carriers.  If a couple is in marriage counseling they might want to consider skipping participation in this sport for awhile.

            It’s always good to know that armchair athletes like me have places where we could actually go to compete in something.  I don’t know if I’d like any of the sports mentioned above.  I think I’ll hold out for the beer drinking and television watching championships.  I have been training in that sport for a long time and I’m more than willing to put my skills in that area to the test.

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