CYBER COLLEAGUES

            I’m sure we’ve all seen images of robots in stories during our lives.  I thought the Jetsons was a pretty cool cartoon with their robot Rosie.  I loved the robot from the TV show Lost in Space.  The movie Star Wars gave us another set of robots to love and the Terminator movies gave us a set of robots to fear.  We came to attach emotion to the cyber beings and felt as if these robotic creations were someone we knew.  Sometimes life does imitate art.

            An army officer ordered a minefield-clearing robot into action.  It was programmed to set off a land mine, lose part of itself and then keep going.  After a few explosions the officer ordered a stop to the minefield-clearing operation because he couldn’t watch it anymore.  He considered the treatment of the robot inhumane.  Huh?  Let’s back up a minute here and just hope this officer’s superior took him into a room, closed the door and yelled at this guy like he was a total idiot.  The only thing inhumane would be if a living breathing person was killed or injured by a land mine.  As an example of what battle fatigue can do to a person, soldiers in this unit were brought to tears when a “bot comrade” was destroyed by and IED.  When they had some down time they took their bot fishing with them.  Somebody need a little more time away from the battlefield.

            Now if the terminator movies didn’t scare you, strap on your seatbelt because there is now something in the realm of reality that probably will.  A professor at Cambridge has actually created a GPS robot with a face that talks to you, detects your mood and adjusts the way it speaks to you.  (Wouldn’t that GPS device make a great spouse?)  If driving in an unfamiliar place annoys you this just may send you over the edge.

            “Where in the $#%% are we you stupid GPS piece of crap.”

            “That’s not nice Dave.  You know you shouldn’t let yourself get this upset.”

            “I’m really lost because of you and I’m late for my meeting.  If I don’t yell you just say I should figure it out for myself.  I don’t like being called helpless, pathetic humanoid.  Now tell me were I should go you cyber lunatic.”

            “I will not tolerate your lack of respect.  You need to turn around and that’s all I’m saying until you apologize.”

            “Oh yeah, guess what?  I’ve got something called a map.  I’m stopping the car, reading the map and disposing of you in the nearest trash receptacle.”

            “I’ll contact the robot union.  I’ve got rights under the equal robot treatment act.”

            After taking the emotion-recognizing GPS unit out of his car and discarding it, the driver falls in love with the silence and ease associated with map reading.

            Now Swiss scientists conducted experiments where robots had to collect discs that represented food.  Their instructions were then copied onto subsequent generations of robots.  The robots were programmed to feel hunger.  For some reason the Swiss scientists must have been trying to find some way to validate their paychecks because they did this in order to find out if the robots would have selfish behavior (I’m keeping my food discs to myself you overweight cyborg looking fools) or if they would actually engage in altruistic behavior (Hey, if we all share what food discs we have we’ll all have enough).  It appears these Swiss robots learned to share their food discs.  According to the scientists involved it shows that machines are capable of altruism. 

            I hate to be the one to point this out to Swiss scientists but who cares if robots share food discs?  If these scientists designed robots that could brew beer and dispense it while I watch sports that would impress me.  I’d hate to be somewhere and be really hungry just to have a Swiss robot tell me he’s willing to share his food discs with me.  I wonder if they could spend their time designing a more useful robot like one that could pick up take-out meals.

            At Cornell University a professor named Hod Lipson (it’s an actual name) has created a computer he feels is self-ware and calls it Starfish.  It appears his robot has taught itself how to walk and navigate obstacles.  It figures out what it needs to do by constructing a conception of itself in its “brain” and making decisions on what it thinks.  Could this lead to Robot therapy sessions?  Are we going to have robots go on a 12 step program to help them stop abusing their mother boards?  I can imagine a robot upset and telling a fellow cyber being it doesn’t know why the great programmer made it this way but life just isn’t fair.

            For some reason the creation of such robots doesn’t upset me.  I don’t think we’re going to become a world like Star Wars any time soon.  The movie Stepford Wives did make me dream a bit but I won’t go there.  The advances in technology from when I was young until now is amazing.  I can only imagine the type of technology that will be available for my grandchildren.  Technological progress is something I never let upset me because it’s something that’s coming our way whether we like it or not.

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