For those you who are confused by modern day dating rituals fear not. Finding your significant other was even more challenging years ago and in other societies. I know when I was a teenager things were different. If I asked a girl to a movie I had to present myself to the girl’s family before we left their house. Her father had to threaten me with loaded weapons and more if I did anything that upset his daughter. They wanted to know about me and my family and if we ever ate hot dogs that had been deep fried.
Today things are different. My friend’s son had a girlfriend for several years and failed to tell his parents. He’d never actually been in the same room as his girlfriend but they had been on many cyber dates. I don’t think this type dating counts. If you never touch a girl you can’t say she’s your girlfriend. If she can’t yell at you, be dramatic or get your parents to like her more than you it’s not official. If you don’t believe me go look it up in the unwritten dating rules.
Today things are different. My friend’s son had a girlfriend for several years and failed to tell his parents. He’d never actually been in the same room as his girlfriend but they had been on many cyber dates. I don’t think this type dating counts. If you never touch a girl you can’t say she’s your girlfriend. If she can’t yell at you, be dramatic or get your parents to like her more than you it’s not official. If you don’t believe me go look it up in the unwritten dating rules.
If you had romantic desires in the 16th and 17th centuries in Europe and North America you could hang out in bed with a girl. You’d have to be fully clothed and something called a bundling board would be put between you so you couldn’t actually touch. I suppose this may have been the beginning of knock knock jokes.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Termites.”
“Termites who?”
“Termites are what I wish I had right now to get past this thing.”
In China there is a Dai ethnic group that has a dating ritual that involves a spinning wheel and big skirts. It seems the women sit around a fire with their spinning wheels, wearing their big skirts while the men of the village come and sing to them. I wonder it they’re allowed to rap?
“You so damn fine you spinning wheel chick. Your wheel is the best because you’re so slick. Don’t forget me my name is Rick. You are hotter than a lit candle wick.”
It gets better. If a lady likes a guy she takes a stool from underneath her skirt and offers it to him. If he likes her the man will put a blanket over her shoulder. I suppose a popular song would be “If I like your stool you’ll love the blanket I put on you.”
In Austria there was a time when women would attend balls with pieces of apple under their armpits. I can only guess but I hope this was a time before Lady Speedstick was available. At the end of the night and after sweating in those huge gowns, the woman would give the guy she liked the apple from under her arm. If he liked her he’d take a bite. I bet this was a time when men probably got excessively drunk at balls and probably didn’t care about where the woman had kept an apple.
“I think you’re such a hunk. Here’s a piece of apple from my armpit I saved just for you.”
“It looks good. Before I eat it I’m going to put some ketchup on it.”
“Oh you’re so gross. Give me back my armpit apple piece.”
“Fine, don’t forget you’re not the only woman here with armpit apple pieces.”
Back in the days of the tough Viking women would walk around with empty knife sheaths around their waists. If a guy Viking wanted the girl he’d go up and put his knife in her empty sheath. Boy would it be awkward if a guy put a knife in a girl’s sheath and she said she wasn’t dating she just forgot to put her knife in her sheath that day. How horrible would it be to see the woman of your dreams and be unable to find your knife?
During Victorian times men could not visit a girl for more than 15 minutes at a time and he had to wear gloves to demonstrate his intention of honoring the woman. Any kind of touching was forbidden unless the couple was engaged. Ice-skating and roller-skating were quite popular because they were considered suitable activities where couples could touch one another. It’s now understandable why hockey and roller derby have become so popular.
There were Native North American tribes where men who wanted a girl would have to play a love serenade on their flutes in front of the entire tribe. If the girl liked him, he could ask her to share his courting blanket. If she didn’t like him another guy was then able to try and get the girl by playing his flute. I guess it’s just not just our society where the best musicians get all the girls.
I think it’s interesting that every society has a different way of choosing a mate. When I was first interested in my wife I invited her to a mutual friend’s party. She invited me to lunch then I took her to a major league baseball game and we started spending quite a bit of time together. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had to eat an armpit apple piece or play a flute for her. I just tried to prove the depth of my feelings toward her and make known my desire to make a commitment. Maybe that’s the real goal of all dating rituals. You do what you have to do to get the woman you want.
IF YOU LIKE MY HUMOR YOU'LL LOVE MY BOOKS. $2.99 KINDLE VERSIONS AVAILABLE. CLICK HERE!
No comments:
Post a Comment