There are many news stories in the media informing us that members of U.S. intelligence have been able to interview Osama bin Laden’s youngest wife, Amal Ahmed Abdul Fatah. I am not a member of any governmental intelligence organization but I bet it was a rather difficult interview. Forget the fact that Navy SEALs shot her in the leg right before she witnessed her husband’s demise. Let’s even forget that the entire world saw her house in such a mess that many people wonder about her housekeeping abilities. This is a person who was willing to protect one of the biggest mass murders in modern history. How does anyone rationalize such a thing?
U.S. INTELLIGENCE - Please tell us why you lived with Osama bin Laden and had three children with him?
AMAL AHMED ABDUL FATAH – Oh, you’re all the same. You only knew him as the murdering psychopath Osama bin Laden. There was so much more to him than just his work. Oh, it’s true that he killed thousands of innocent people, but who has a husband that’s perfect? Yes, I was his fifth wife but a man needs to practice before he gets things right. Nobody can take away those special memories I have of our honeymoon at Tora Bora. The light from the aerial bombing attacks put such a special glow in our darkened cave. I’ll never forget it. I know there are American wives who would love to have their husbands shot by Navy SEALs, but it’s not as great as most people would think.
U.S. INTELLIGENCE – Did he tell you anything about his terrorist organization?
AMAL AHMED ABDUL FATAH – Unlike most people in the United States he took time away from the job. When he wasn’t planning to blow up planes or fly them into buildings he was a real family man. Trust me when I tell you the man had family. After five wives and 18 children we were all thinking about how to become a professional sports team, but that’s another matter for another time. At the end of the day his work was the last thing he wanted to talk about.
U.S. INTELLIGENCE – Can you tell us anything about plans for future attacks?
AMAL AHMED ABDUL FATAH – He did talk about starting a terrorist franchise business. That way the bombs could all be made the same, people would yell the same thing before they blew themselves up and everything would be much more organized, but it never got off the ground. He also was going to offer some classes at the local community college about starting your own terrorist organization, but he never found the time.
We’ve also learned the relationship between Osama bin Laden and Amal Ahmed Abdul Fatah did not have a romantic beginning. She was given to Osama bin Laden as a present. Huh? Exactly how does this work? Are we to imagine a party where Osama is opening one gift after another and saving the biggest one for last. When he opens the large box his young wife pops out wearing her Berka with a bow on it. Was he then unable to hide the intense joy he felt from receiving such a gift?
“Wow, guys, I just don’t know what to say. You got me a young, new wife of my very own. How did you know that’s exactly what I wanted? You people are too much. I mean, I thought the automatic goat cheese maker was a great idea, but this is even better. How do I begin to thank all of you?”
“Promise not to blow any of us up.”
“I can’t do that, but if you ever want to use the automatic goat cheese maker just ask.”
“It’s a deal.”
What will Amal Ahmed Abdul Fatah tell her young children about their father?
“Ignore those pictures of daddy with that gray beard. Daddy was much better looking when we put color on it for his television appearances.”
“Was daddy TV announcer?”
“Ah, well, not exactly.”
“Was he on TV a lot?”
“Yes, but let me show you more of our honeymoon pictures from Tora Bora.
“Okay.”
Amal Ahmed Abdul Fatah is now busy recovering from her bullet wounds. She’s probably struggling with the reality that the life she led for years is now over. Maybe in some strange way she’s just another victim of Osama bin Laden. Lucky for her, she’s one of the few alive to talk about it.
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