Funeral Burlesque. A Real Story

     In our country, a funeral is a very somber event.  We’re quiet and give our condolences to the family of the deceased.  We are careful to show the mourning family all the respect they are due.  It appears that in Taiwan things are a bit different.  This country has a unique experience for people who attend funerals.  Taiwanese have something called funeral strippers.  I’m sure this is something that would make a memorial service quite memorable.

            “Are you ready for the service?”

            “All except for getting the cash.”

            “Why do we need cash?”

            “What are we going to use to give the strippers?”

            “I hope the dancing slutty zombie stripper is there.”

            “Me too because she was great and grandfather’s funeral.”

          

     It appears around 25 years ago the Taiwanese mafia ran the country’s nightclub scene and also a very large part of the country’s mortuary business.  The mafia owning a mortuary business does make sense.  As good business people they were always looking for ways to improve their business.  A mafia boss came up with the idea of combining the funeral business with the nightclub stripping business.  When this started it confused many people.  The mafia being great at marketing told people it would increase the number of mourners at the funeral.  In Taiwan, the more mourners at a funeral mean more respect and honor for the dead.  The idea of adding some strippers then made sense to many people. 

“I’m afraid not too many people will come to my husband’s funeral.  He was not a well-liked man.”

“Tell ya what; since you’re getting a good coffin I’ll throw in a stripper for the funeral service.  I promise it’ll get more people than you can imagine at his funeral.”

“I suppose it could be a way for people to like my husband.”

“Hey, after a funeral with a few of my strippers I can almost guarantee they’ll love him.”
It seems like quite an event.  The strippers arrive at the funeral in diesel trucks known as Electric Flower Cars.  They sing, do pole dancing and some even come down from the stage and into the audience.  The strippers will give lap dances and put the patron’s heads into their breasts and more.  How many guys after experiencing this would even be aware of the fact they were at a funeral?

            Fortunately, there also seems to be a religious component.  Many people believe there are lower gods who were once human.  These gods are worshiped by many and even in death, these deities enjoy things like gambling and womanizing.  People believe these funeral stripping shows are a gift to them.  Now there’s a good reason not to fear death.  Apparently in this religion if you want some gods to pray to who will help you with such things as gambling or prostitution they’re available.  Is this a great religion or what?  If they have gods that help your favorite sports teams win I would consider converting.

            It seems that funeral stripping is popular everywhere except in their capital city of Taipei, which is located in the northern part of the country.  There it is considered a working-class form of entertainment.  The people in the northern part of their country have actually passed laws against it.  After this was done people in the rural part of the country smiled, nodded their heads and then went and booked a stripper funeral. 

            There are also superstitions associated with funeral strippers.  Many people feel new ghosts might be picked on by older ghosts so the performance at the funeral is done to distract the older ghosts until the newer ghosts have time to get used to their new environment without being hassled.  I bet those crusty old ghosts types are pretty surly after being dead for so long.  They probably can’t help themselves when it comes to being envious of those new ghosts.

            “Hey, newbie, you’ve got to shine my shoes.”

            “But we’re dead.  How can you expect me to shine your shoes?”

            “By using ghost wax of course.  Hey, are those strippers at your funeral?”

            “Yes.”

            “Wow, they know what you’re doing.”

            “Yeah, still want me to shine your shoes?”

            “What shoes?”

            There are even some Taiwanese who have stripper funerals because it was the type of entertainment the deceased enjoyed while living.  If we did this here I’m sure my one friend could’ve put wires in the arm of his dead Uncle Chuck to hold money for the strippers at his funeral.  If he would’ve put a beer in his uncle’s hand, a cigar in his mouth people might not have even noticed he was dead.  Talk about being sent off in style.

            I’m sure this is a way of celebrating a person’s life instead of thinking about their death.  The strippers probably provide more than enough distraction from the pain of loss for a grieving family.  I don’t think such a thing would work here.  It has given me some great ideas on what to do when I come to the end of all things.  The idea of having people smile and be happy at my funeral is comforting.  I hope the only people who are crying when I’m laid to rest are my bill collectors.

Here is a link to the article.

https://io9.gizmodo.com/taiwans-funeral-strippers-dance-for-a-dead-crowd-5819625