It’s come to a point in our society that paying your taxes gives you a mixed feeling. On the one hand, you feel as if you’ve been responsible and contributed your portion to keep the government operating. On the other hand, there’s always that sick feeling inside you try to ignore. It’s like not wanting to acknowledge but knowing you’ve just given too much money to people who have the same fiscal responsibility as big lottery winners who end up declaring bankruptcy. Senator Tom Coburn recently published a 73-page report identifying hug amounts of money spent by the National Science Foundation (NSF) on things most of us might not see as justified expenses.
At a research station in Antarctica, those crazy kids working for the NSF held a Jell-O wrestling event. This is also a place where they held nude swimming parties and skinny dipping events. The McMurdo research station in Antarctica takes in $451 million per year of taxpayer money.
I don’t understand all the nude events held at a research station in Antarctica. I always thought it’d be cold enough there to motivate most people to keep their clothes on. I wondered why they would wrestle in Jell-O, but I figured out there’s probably some complex scientific principle being used to discover something. Maybe it was an experiment to test the physical and psychological benefits of Jell-O wrestling in an arctic environment. The results would probably lead to better human survival rates in such surroundings. Also, I bet if these nude events were ever promoted properly they’d cause a rush of tourism to the Antarctic.
(WARNING: The previous paragraph was sarcasm and is in no way meant to represent the nude activities at the McMurdo research station as anything other than ridiculous.)
It only gets better with the NSF. This organization spent more than $500,000 for the design and construction of special shrimp exercise machines. These brilliant scientists employed by the NSF built treadmills for shrimp to walk on so they could measure the impact of sickness on the creatures. Huh? I suppose this makes sense because when I’m eating at a seafood restaurant the last thing I want to do is look down at my plate and see a crustacean that needs a work out program.
“What’s the matter with your meal sir?”
“You gave the lazy couch potato shrimp. I ordered the Ironman triathlon racing shrimp. Give me another order and don’t try to give me the marathon running shrimp because I’ll know the difference.”
The amount of $1 million was spent to see how quickly parents respond to trendy baby names. Really? What was done that amounted to a cost of $1 million dollars? Did they have two people go around to different parents and yell “Absynthe.” and record the time? For that amount of money, I hope they interviewed quite a few parents.
“Well, you’ve been researching for a while now. What baby names are parents reacting to the quickest?”
“Not sure, but if there’s a baby named “Leave Me Alone You Jerk and Don’t Bother Me Again” it’d be the clear winner.”
The NSF claims that it is the only federal agency whose mission includes support for all fields of fundamental science and engineering. This them the perfect background to get into the music business. $50,000 was spent by this organization to produce and publicize amateur songs which include such timeless classics as “Money 4 Drugz,” and another special tune titled “Biogas is a Gas, Gas Gas.” Their judgment in music seems to be consistent with their judgment on dispersing taxpayer money for projects.
The list goes on with such things as $80,000 to study why the same teams always dominate March Madness. I suppose we need a way to improve everyone’s brackets for the office pools. $2 million to figure out that people who often post pictures on the internet from the same location at the same time are usually friends. I suppose it was just a myth everyone believed but it took actual scientific research to prove it’s a fact. $351,000 was spent to see if playing Farm Ville on Facebook helps adults develop and maintain relationships. I hate to say this but if you have to develop or maintain relationships using a game on the internet you need to get out and see the real world. It may not be as perfect as the cyber one but it does have its good points.
To be honest the National Science Foundation has done a lot of good for our society. They’ve made advances with things like the internet, computing bar codes, magnetic resonance imaging technology and more. Their education programs are probably responsible for inspiring a generation of dedicated scientists. Unfortunately, they’re like all government agencies and need close financial oversight. They’re scientists, not financial planners. It’s like having some brilliant college students who just need some help managing their money correctly.
Here is a link to the story.
Here is a link to the story.
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