In the cyber world there is actually an organization that sells gun oil containing pig fat and claims Osama bin Laden was shot with a bullet soaked in pork fat. The reason for the bacon bullets is the belief that once a terrorist is shot with such a projectile they will be denied entry into Allah’s paradise. I guess nobody ever told these people the Quran states if one is forced to consume the meat they are guiltless and therefore not disqualified from paradise. I think having a metal puncture your flesh would qualify as being forced.
How does someone come up with such an idea?
“Hey, ya know we is fightin’ them there Islamic terrorist types an I knows that iffin they has been shot wit a bullet soaked in piggy fat they know they ain’t a goin’ to no paradise when they die. So what we gotta do is start us a company what makes piggy fat that our soldiers can soak their bullet in. Whatcha think?”
“Why cain’t they just rub their ole bullets in some bacon or dunk ‘em in pork gravy or something like that themselves? Why they need us?”
“Cause the US military is too busy fighten’ them Islamic terroristics. They don’t have no time to be making they own pork dunked bullet brew. With us they can just put some pork oil on they bullets and go kill them terroristics.”
“Sounds like a mighty fine plan. How is the terroristics gonna’ know they being shot at with ham bullets?”
“I dunno, I’ll let the US military figure that out.”
I’m certain this place is a one-stop shop for all of your pig oil needs. In the unlikely event you do have all the pig oil you need this place also offers gun oil cloths and T-shirts for sale. I’m sure that nothing says you hate terrorists more than a pig oil T-shirt. They also provide pig oil not only for small weapons but also for large caliber automatic weapons. These people really think of everything. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they offer pig oil for mortar rounds, grenades, hand-held rocket launchers and missiles. People who do their pig oil shopping at this site will also receive death cards and weapon/magazine stickers with each order. It makes you wonder why anyone would even consider going any place else for their pig oil needs.
This site claims their pig oil contains 13% pig fat. How did they arrive at this number? Does the USDA have regulation covering the percentage of pig fat in oil sold to coat bullets used for shooting terrorists? How do you know this is high grade pig fat and not some fancy imitation? Wouldn’t everybody feel better with a USDA sticker on their bottle of pig oil?
Visitors to this site are also provided with pictures of the gun oil production. The pictures consist of a man in camouflage standing around and holding a weapon. Does making pig oil present such a danger that workers must be ready to defend themselves at all times? Do weapons held by the workers contain pig oil soaked bullets? I suppose none of us realize that making pig oil is such a dangerous business.
I’m certain the research and development department of this organization is probably very busy thinking of their next line of products. I bet in time they’ll be offering olive oil covered bullets in case of a war with Italy. How about chocolate covered bullets for a war with Switzerland? Maybe whiskey soaked bullets for a war with Ireland? Wine soaked bullets for a war with France? Rum soaked bullets just in case one of those Caribbean countries gets out of line? I’m sure they could make bullet oil for any enemy we’re facing.
There is also a qualifier on the site concerning the pig oil that states “This product is for use on armed Muslim terrorists only. We do not promote discrimination against any race or religion, only terrorists.” Well that’s a good thing because how could putting pig fat on bullets ever be considered discriminating against a religion? It’s a good thing this oil is intended for use on armed Muslim terrorists only. I’m certain that during a battle there is no way anybody other than an armed Muslim terrorist would be shot. Such things never happen.
It’s said that a spokesman for the U.S. Army’s weapons-procurement command claims he was unfamiliar with the pig oil producing organization, but conceded that a soldier or marine could, in theory, purchase the oil on his or her own and use it in the battlefield.
“We’re about to go to the front line. Are you sure you have everything you need?”
“I forgot to get pig oil and soak my bullets.”
“Well then, I guess we can’t fight the terrorists today.”
Members of our military are often impressed with the enemy’s resourcefulness when it comes to outsmarting our modern weapons. They are a motivated and devoted adversary who believes deeply in their cause. Unfortunately the mass destruction brought to our enemy on the battlefield hasn’t lessened their resolve. I’m sure all that will change once the terrorists realize they’re being shot at with bullets covered in pig fat.
(Special thanks to loyal reader Ed Becker of Wexford, Pa for providing the photo insert.)
(Special thanks to loyal reader Ed Becker of Wexford, Pa for providing the photo insert.)
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