A REAL Pinball Wizard

If you are a real Pinball Wizard then Pinabll Perfection is the place to visit.  I wrote this story and it was edited so much it didn't resemble at all what I had originally written.  Here't the story of Pinball Perfection with pictures of this very special place for lovers of the game of pinball.

PINBALL LEGACY

            The small town of West View is a suburb of Pittsburgh.  It has a business that contains dozens of pinball machines that represent pinball playing through the decades.  It’s a place that attracts Pinball Wizards from all walks of life and ages.  It’s called Pinball Perfection and provides the opportunity to play pinball machines made from the 1930’s to present.  It also has all the nostalgia any pinball player would want in its pinball museum.  Pinball lovers go to Pinball Perfection also to purchase full size pinball machines for their homes.  Dan Hosek, 48, is the owner of Pinball Perfection.

            “One of the biggest changes over the years in how people play pinball is that the machines are now in their homes.  The majority of games that are made new are going into people’s homes and not into stores, bars or arcades.”

            The machines have changed greatly over the years.

            “They’ve gone from purely mechanical, a score motor not circuit board, to almost non repairable circuit boards.  Most modern games have circuit boards that require micro surgery. “

Pinball Perfection is a place that satisfies the needs of dedicated pinball players such as 69-year-old Orlando Carlino.  He has seven pinball machines in his home ranging from small to full size.  He’s been an avid pinball player since he was eleven and today he and his family happily play pinball for hours.

            “When I was young we used to pick up the pinball machines and put them on our shoes to keep the ball from coming down too fast so we could get more points and play more games.”

 

            Orlando’s son developed his father’s love of pinball and bought the first full size pinball machine for Orlando’s home.  The father and son would play for hours each bragging about their score.  Today his son lives in another state but also owns a full size pinball machine.  They often call each other to discuss who has the best score.

The Carlino family’s next generation has continued the pinball tradition.  His grandchildren are constantly playing pinball.  Orlando is careful to give his grandchildren all the necessary advice on playing the game.

            “I always tell them to wait until the ball comes down then you work the flippers.  They have a habit of using both flippers without the ball there.  Now that they’ve learned that they do much better.  When they play the big pinball machine they know just what to do.”

            Joseph “Jay” Norwalk, 68, has been playing pinball almost all of his life.

“I had a pinball machine when I was a kid.  I had one from the time I was 12 until I went to college.”

He has a son and daughter who, like their father, have a full size pinball machine in their home.  Jay and his grandchildren regularly play pinball together.  He is always available to them with his knowledge of playing the game.

            “I’m gonna’ tell you they’re (grandchildren) not rough and ready on the tilts.  These little guys when they play they just play.  They juke and jive but not like they can cause a tilt.  They’ve adapted to it (full size pinball machine) but didn’t know what to do so I actually show them.  There’s a trick to it.”

            Jay and his wife have seen the educational benefits of having their grandchildren play pinball.

            “I would say it’s probably one of the cheapest recreational things you could get for children.  You have to be nimble with your hands and it’s good for hand to eye coordination.  They can count the scores and none of them have ever been remiss when it comes to telling me about their scores.” 

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‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE CRAZY

            A few weeks ago the St. Louis Post-Dispatch shared the sordid tale of a woman who played a Sugar Plum Fairy at their annual Christmas festival and got fired by the city for uttering an expletive while taking a drug test.  I guess the standards for Sugar Plum Fairies are very high, but being let go for saying an expletive while not on the job could be considered a bit harsh. 

            I confess I don’t have what it takes to be a Sugar Plum Ferry at any annual festival.  I once worked at an office that had a swear jar and had to quit.  My colorful and appropriate use of expletives was not appreciated.  The last straw was when I owed the swear jar so much money I just put my check in it and left.  I then sought employment in a work environment free of swear jars.

            The name of the actress who played the Sugar Plum Fairy is Laura Coppinger.  She is no rookie to this Sugar Plum Fairy gig.  This year was her sixth year of doing it.  Can’t veteran Sugar Plum Fairies who have such seniority get a little consideration?  Where’s the Sugar Plum Fairy union when you need it? 

            It appears what happened is that Ms. Coppinger had to take a drug test which is a requirement for all city employees.  During the drug test she accidently flushed the toilet.  Obviously this is a huge no no when it comes to drug test taking.  After the fatal flush she was informed she could not leave the drug testing facility until she could provide another urine sample.  I bet nobody provided any wine, beer or a mixed drink to help the process along.

            What the drug testers didn’t know or care about was that Ms. Coppinger had a job interview scheduled for after the drug test.  She didn’t have time to sit around and wait for her body to process liquids.  I would hope city administrators would understand nobody pays for a professional Sugar Plum Fairy except during the holidays.  Sure, maybe they could branch out into the being mascots in the restaurant business, but that’s another story.

            Upon learning that she would miss her job interview, Sugar Plum Fairy Laura Coppinger became understandably frustrated and swore.  A short time later she was told to go home as she had been let go.  If I had been fired from a job that kept me from going to a job interview, I would let go so many expletives I’d have to declare bankruptcy from filling swear jars for miles around. 

            I know that many people who work for the government have limited ability to comprehend reality.  I’m talking about the type of person who sees a nuclear accident and their first thought is all the paperwork it will generate. 

            Upon being asked about the reason for letting go Sugar Plum Fairy Laura Coppinger the city’s human resources department said she violated the code of conduct for a Christmas Traditions characters.  Huh?

            What government entity pays someone to sit around and write a “code of conduct” for Christmas Traditions characters?

            “We’ve had too many Santa’s belching and scratching themselves like they were baseball players.  Those pesky reindeers are asking women along the parade route for dates offering a special sleigh ride.  Something has to be done.”

            “I know.  We’ll have a code of conduct for Christmas Traditions characters.”

            “Great idea, I’ll expect you to work on it every day for the next seven years.”

            “It’s a deal.”

            According to the human resources department at the city of St. Louis, Ms. Coppinger didn’t get let go for swearing or using an expletive.  She got let go for saying “naughty words.”  What?

            I suppose if you can get let go for saying a “naughty words” I can only imagine what would happen to you for telling a big fat fib or having a pouty face.

            Outside the city of St. Louis human resources department it seems sanity has descended upon the land.  A facebook page was started on her behalf and even the downtown St. Louis merchants are sticking up for her.  She even has the support of the actress who replaced her.

            It’s obvious the Christmas spirit is alive and well.  I shared this story with a person I know who works at a city human resources department.  When he told me he understood why the Sugar Plum Fairy was let go I disagreed with him using some very creative naughty words.  I then quickly left with him chasing after me holding a swear jar. 

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MISSING THE POINT COMPLETELY

            There’s an old joke that goes “I read so much about the bad effects of smoking I decided to give up reading.”  It’s designed to illustrate how people can completely miss the point of a subject.  This happens so much today it’s ceased to be funny and has entered into the realm of disturbing.

            At the end of George Bush’s presidency our banking system went sour.  The problem was banks gave out so many bad loans to comply with laws passed by the government they were viewed as doing something illegal.  There was the term “predatory lending” created to make the bank’s compliance with governmental regulations seem like they conducted business aboard Pirate ships staffed by loan officers who would just sail into low income neighborhoods and pillage and plunder innocent citizens by making them take out mortgages they couldn’t afford.

“Oh please don’t hurt us Mr. Pirate loan officer.”

“Aaaaar ya scurvy dog.  You be signing these here loan documents and naught a thing will happen to you and yours.”

“I can’t afford this but I guess I’ll buy this house anyway.”

“Aaaaaar…here’s ya free pen.”

The thinking in this situation seems to be that irresponsible citizens who took out mortgages they had to know they couldn’t afford can’t be held responsible for their actions.  It has to be the bank’s fault.  Is the logic here that by complying with laws passed by the government you’ve done something illegal?

            When Barrack Obama became president he had a solution to the problem.  He took tax payer money by the billions and dispersed it among struggling companies.  It seems a truly struggling company was one that had supported him greatly during his presidential campaign.  He also gave money to many governmental agencies.  The only problem is nobody stopped to think of what would happen when the money ran out or how is was going to be repaid.  It’s almost as if the government looked at all the bad loans they had forced the banks to make and said “If you think that was stupid, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

            The results of all this government lending has been the worst unemployment and economic growth since the great depression.  Our country’s credit rating has been downgraded for the first time in history and more people are on government assistance than ever.  It’s good to know the Obama administration has a plan to help us understand what’s happened to our economy.  It’s called “George Bush Victim Syndrome.”  Forget the reality of economics, the Obama administration wants us to believe they were forced to dole out our tax money like a drunken sailor buying drinks at a brothel because of George Bush.  I think according to the Obama administration George Bush is responsible for the bad economy, high unemployment, the collapse of the euro, the Steelers losing the Super bowl, the tsunami in Japan and the constant struggle to get a good parking spot at the mall.  I suppose it’s better to blame George Bush than for Obama to take responsibility for anything he’s done.  (For Obama supporters the following is called sarcasm) Wasn’t it Harry Truman who said “The buck stops with anybody but me?”  If there is a book on how to be a good leader by never taking responsibility for anything you’ve done it was a favorite read by the Obama administration.

            Now we have protesters who call themselves “Occupy Wall Street.”  Their method of protesting is to occupy a private park, effectively taking away use of the park from the public, in order to bring attention to corporate greed, or end the war, or gay rights or women’s rights or the government’s ban on organic hair spray or something.  They don’t know but I think in their minds that’s not the point.  They’re sleeping in tents outside, not bathing and protesting.

            I wonder if you wanted to protest the Occupy Wall Street crowd if you could go and occupy their private property.  Those protesters aren’t the only ones with the right to protest.

There have been some news articles which have shown where some of these protesters reside and some of it is pretty upscale living.

            “What do you want?”

            “Since you’re pitching a tent on private property at a park to protest I wondered if I could put my tent up and occupy your yard to protest you protesting.”

            “We’re out there for a cause.”

            “What cause?”

            “Pick one, how about corporate greed.”

            “If you’re so against corporate greed how did you get such a fabulous house?”

            “I’m not against our corporate greed; I’m against others corporate greed.  Don’t you get it?”

            “No, but can I still occupy your yard so I can protest you protesting?  I promise not to bathe.”

            “That makes no sense.  Get out of here or I’ll call the cops.”

            “I’ll leave now but I’ll be back tomorrow to beat my drum outside your house and throw paper airplanes at you.”

            I know that many of us look at what these protesters are doing, think about the economy and wonder when it will all end.  Will there come a time when all the politicians in power realize we’re not as stupid as they believe us to be and can see through their smoke screens.  We know what’s wrong but most of us are willing work within the system to create change.  We’re not going to occupy property or blame George Bush.  We’re going organize ourselves to vote and make our voices heard while obeying the law and respecting the rights of others.  Doing this will get us no main stream media coverage.  Like most people in government, they’ll miss the point completely of what’s being done.

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RMN FLAMING IDIOT AWARD VII

It is time for the seventh ever RMN Flaming Idiot Award.  This is an award given to those individuals who have distinguished themselves with behavior that demonstrates an IQ with a decimal point in the front.  The type of individual who might have a family tree that doesn’t fork and has only one set of DNA.  As we all know these people are everywhere and especially in positions of power.

RMN Flaming Idiot Award VII is bestowed upon U.S. Capitol Police Sergeant Kimberly Schneider and all members of that organization involved with the arrest of people selling lemonade on August 20, 2011 on U.S. Capitol grounds and the jurist who required them to be tested for drugs after their arrest.

According to FBI crime statistics criminal activity is down in our country.  Does this mean that such police officers now have time to concentrate on more serious crimes such as lemonade stands?  (Should Sergeant Kimberly Schneider or any member of the U.S. Capitol police be reading this the following is referred to as sarcasm.)  It’s comforting to know when any of us visit our nation’s capitol we will be safe from the scourge of lemonade stands that could just occur at any time and provide us with a cheap cold refreshment.  I’m certain none of us realize the extreme danger these police officers encounter when shutting down a lemonade stand.  The nation can now rest in peace knowing law enforcement is on the scene to protect us form such danger.

Of course should I hear the explanation of what happened from U.S. Capitol Police Sergeant Kimberly Schneider in person, I would have to wear sunglasses least I be blinded by her brilliance.  She said they were arrested for failure to obey a police officer, unlawful conduct and vending without a permit.  Huh?  If arresting taxpaying citizens for having a lemonade stand isn’t unlawful conduct it should be deemed as such. 

Who knew selling lemonade on a national lawn, paid for by taxpayers, is on the same criminal level as someone who is a thief, assaults or vandalizes another person? 

“What were you arrested for?”

“I beat a person took his wallet and stole his car.  How about you?”

“I had lemonade stand.”

“You bastard; I hope you get the death sentence.”

The selling of lemonade on the U.S. Capitol lawn was a protest in reaction to the number of lemonade stands that are shut down by police all over the country.  August 20 has now been designated as National Lemonade Freedom Day.  What’s going on?  Kids have been selling lemonade at lemonade stands for decades and now it’s an issue?  Do police these days have such little real police work to do they feel it’s necessary to shut down kids' lemonade stands?  I’m sure if they look real hard in their neighborhoods they’d probably find some real criminals to arrest.  A little effort would go a long way.

What’s real upsetting here is the message it sends to children.  Do we now say to our children “I know you’d like to earn a little money for yourself but if we have a lemonade stand some insane public officials will shut it down?  If we refuse to obey the stupid politician they’ll have police could come and arrest you and put you in jail with real criminals.”

I would have to say this is not a good way to inspire the next generation to pursue entrepreneurship.  It might also give them a rather distorted view of lemonade.

Meg McLain, Will Duffield and Katherine Dill were the ones arrested by the U.S. Capitol Police for selling lemonade.  The three were dubbed “Lemonistas.”  They pleaded not guilty on Oct. 4 to “sale of goods on U.S. Capitol grounds, ” a crime that could’ve had them in prison 180 days.  They also faced an additional 180 after being held in contempt of court for refusing to submit to a urine test for drugs.  Huh?  I thought the arrest was for selling lemonade not illegal drugs.  Is lemonade an illegal drug?  The court demanded the three submit to weekly drug testing and a substance abuse class.  FOR SELLING LEMONADE?  Huh? 

I think it’s the jurist involved with this decision I would want tested for the usage of illegal drugs.

The story does have a happy ending.  A judge dropped all the charges against Meg McLain, Will Duffield and Katherine Dill.  I can only imagine what the court system would look like with a jury trial for selling lemonade.

“Do you deny selling lemonade?”

“No.”

“Are you saying you’re guilty of selling lemonade?”

“Is there a law against it?”

“Um, ah, well, uh, let me get back to you on that.”

It looks bad enough these people were arrested in the first place.  I do believe there is a better use of resources than to arrest lemonade selling taxpaying citizens.

It’s a shame something like this has to happen.  Freedom isn’t free and sometimes you have to take a stand to let those in power know when they’re out of line.  I don’t know what the real lesson is here.  All I know for sure is come August 20 I hope to be operating a lemonade stand as I hope everyone does.  I can only hope that between now and then law enforcement officers around the country are forced to attend Lemonade Stand Sensitivity Training.  If not I can only imagine the lawsuits that may follow.

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DOING THINGS THEIR WAY

            Everybody loves someone who succeeds despite intense odds against them.  We all especially love someone who does things their way and has no fear when breaking the bonds of conventional thought on their way to achieving a dream.  This is why I believe people tend to enjoy hearing about a man from Los Angeles who has done things his way Hollywood style.

            Dennis Woodruff cruises around Los Angeles in cars that he has personally decorated with a constant theme of advertising himself and his movies.  It seems that 20 years ago Woodruff arrived in Hollywood and like all aspiring actors he tried to get acting rolls in movies.  After visiting over 200 casting agencies he faced only rejection.  He figured if nobody would cast him in movies he’d just go ahead and make his own movies.

Article about Dennis Woodriff“Wannabe Actor Writes, Directs and Stars in His Own Films, Makes $400,000 aYear”

            A one-man movie crew Dennis Woodruff does the work a regular movie would take hundreds of people to do.  He is the producer, screenwriter, director and star actor.  I wonder if he argues with himself for a better deal.  He does all the movie’s editing, special effects, casting and even operates the camera.  It doesn’t stop there.  Once the move is made he also sells and distributes it.  To date he has made 24 movies and has been able to sell over 100,000 copies from the back of his unique cars.  He’s become quite a popular movie seller to the many tourists who regularly visit Los Angeles.

            His movies run quite the spectrum.  Some could easily considered documentaries such as “Horror Stories from the Laundromat” and “What is Art” which covers graffiti around Los Angeles.  Other movies he provides some special effects such as his movie called “Spaceman” which was such a huge success he had to make the sequel “Spaceman Returns.”  For those who laugh at his movies or how he promotes them according to Dennis Woodruff he makes around $400,000 a year.

            The vehicles he’s decorated can be refereed to as a style of “Self promotion gone wild.”  He has his name, picture and listings of his movies on the outside of his cars.  He has more than one vehicle.  They are decorated with everything from a huge head to various items you may find at a garage sale and just about anything you can think can be attached to a car.

            Dennis Woodruff is an inspiration to all those who dream of making movies for a living but fear failure.

           There is another man from Canada who has taken the theme of doing things his way to extremes.  Jean Beliveau who is from Montreal recently completed a walk around the world.  For the past 11 years he has spent his time walking through 64 different countries in South America, Africa, Europe and more. 

Article about Jean Beliveau: “Meet The Man Who Spent 11 Years Walking Around The World And The Woman WhoWaited For Him To Return” 

            This epic journey started on August 18, 2000, after Beliveau’s neon-sign business went bankrupt.  He felt he was experiencing a mid-life crisis and decided to find a way to escape his routine.  When he told his girlfriend he planned to walk around the world she felt he was trying to end their relationship.  Beliveau told her that was not the case.  For eleven years she supported his walk emotionally, financially and flew to wherever he was once a year to be with him.

            He was able to say with 1,600 different families during his walk and remembers eating snake in China, a close call with a puma in a South American desert and being escorted by armed soldiers in the Philippines. 

            Now that he’s completed his journey he plans to spend more of his time with his family and to begin writing a book.  He claims everything he experienced has made him appreciate the little things that life has to offer.  I’m sure many people think about doing what Jean Beliveau accomplished.  Jean Beliveau is obviously the type of person who does more than just think about doing something.

            While the news media is filled with stories about people who blame others for their situation in life, it’s good to know there are also those who take responsibility for themselves and work to make a difference in their own lives.  These are the people who look inside themselves for guidance and not to angry people whose victim status gives them self esteem.  These are people who ignore what others say can’t be done and dare to do things their way.

Here is a link to the article.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2036467/Penniless-actor-Dennis-Woodruff-makes-250k-year-homemade-film-sales.html

NOT ALWAYS RIGHT BUT NEVER WRONG

            I’m sure we can all agree the world is a crazy place these days.  One thing that amazes me is how comfortable many people are at pointing out perceived wrongs of others without putting the same standard on themselves.  I suppose what I’m referring to is the blatant hypocrisy that takes place everywhere.

            There are people who live in my neighborhood who believe in the theory of man-made global warming or climate change or whatever with all their heart.  Their favorite past time seems to be lecturing any unsuspecting individual who is within voice range of them about the evils of man on the environment.  I believe they always feel victorious during a debate because they can yell louder than any opponent.  My conversations with them are always interesting.

            “Krivyanski, you need to buy carbon credits or get rid of your big car.  People like you are destroying our planet.  Does that make a jerk like you happy?”

            “My car may be larger than a compact but correct me if I’m wrong but don’t you drive an SUV and your wife a van?”

            “For your information my company provides me the SUV and my wife needs the van for our three children.  I buy carbon credits.  Do you?”

            “So, by buying carbon credits you give money to some company that claims to plant trees.  Why don’t you just plant your own trees?  Does that company where you work still have you flying quite a bit?  Can you actually afford all the carbon offsets you must need for driving your large vehicles and flying so regularly?”

            His face became an angry scowl as he began yelling.

            “At least I’m doing something.  Years from now when our planet is destroyed by people like you I hope you rot in hell.”

            “I’ll take my chances.  I sure hope we have some global warming this winter.  If climate change can help with my winter utility bill I’m all for it.”

            What he said after that wasn’t intelligible but it has something to do with my car being driven into the nether regions of my body.

            I once met a psychologist who specialized in helping people lose weight.  The only problem was that she could easily be considered obese.

            “How can you teach others about losing weight when you also need to lose few pounds yourself?”

            “My weight is not the issue.  My knowledge about the process of losing weight and all the factors involved with it is what’s important.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

            “You’re saying a fat person can teach another person how to get thin because they know the process of losing weight.  You can be as fat as you want because being thin isn’t as important as knowing the process of how to lose weight.”

            “I think you may be getting it.”

            “That makes about as much sense as a lung cancer doctor who doesn’t exercise and smokes three packs of cigarettes a day telling his patients to stop smoking and exercise regularly.”

            She grumbled and groaned and walked away from me commenting about my low IQ and inability to understand simple concepts. 

            Now we have protestors who are angry at the rich.  People who claim the wealth gap between rich and poor is too wide.  They claim it’s not fair and the solution is to occupy corporations and protest.  If that makes things fair I have some suggestions for some more protests to end the inequalities of our society.

I don’t think it’s fair I can’t play professional sports simply because I have no athletic talent.  It’s not my fault I wasn’t born an athlete.  Why should only those born with athletic talent play professional sports?  I believe the wealth gap between people with athletic talent and those without is too wide.  It’s an inequality that needs to be changed.  I say occupy sports stadiums until this unfair situation is made fair.

Is it fair that I don’t have the looks or acting ability of Brad Pitt?  Why should unattractive people with no acting talent be kept from making movies and being famous?  It’s not my fault I wasn’t born with good looks and acting talent.  I believe the wealth gap between attractive people with acting talent and the rest of us is also vast and wide.  I say occupy Hollywood studios until this huge wrong is made right.

Can you imagine how much money I would be able to make if I had musical talent?  It’s not fair that life should punish me because I have no musical talent.  I can’t sing, play an instrument or understand music.  The wealth gap between those with musical talent and the rest of us is really big.  I say occupy recording studios until this unfair situation is made right.

            Maybe my talent is seeing reality.  People occupying Wall Street aren’t doing it for any other reason than to feel a part of a big cause.  They provide complaints but not solutions.  I don’t think it’s fair I have to work and can’t occupy anything except my office chair.  I personally don’t care how much money people on Wall Street make.   I just wish I could make millions playing professional sports, being in movies and playing music.

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OCCUPY SOMEPLACE

            Like many people I’ve been watching the Occupy Wall Street protestors in New York City.  I have no idea what they’re doing and they seem to know even less why they’re there.  I think it has something to do with corporate greed, Wall Street fat cats and people not having jobs because rich people have all the money or something like that.  (Sarcasm Alert) I suppose it’s time we realize any gathering that has people who defecate on police cars, have sex in the open and provide abundant illegal drugs can’t help but be viewed as a way to put greedy rich people in their place. 

            I decided I’d had enough of rich people having all the money.  So what if they earned their wealth by providing goods and services and who cares if they pay the lion’s share of our nation’s taxes.  They can just tack on being protested against as one more thing that being rich has brought them.

            My first place to protest was my doctor’s office.  If anybody was wealthy it was him.  So what if his father was a truck driver and his mother had worked as a teller at a bank.  What difference did it make to me that he had done a good job for me during the years I’d been his patient.  He was rich and that’s all that mattered. 

            I walked into his waiting room and his receptionist asked me what I was doing there since I had no appointment.

            “I’m here to protest corporate greed.  All of the doctor’s in this office have given into the mindset of wealth at any cost.  In order to let them know we’re not going to have corporate America control our lives any more I’m going to occupy your office until my demands are met.”

            She asked me what my demands were and I told her I hadn’t thought that far ahead.  The receptionist told me I could occupy the waiting room since they weren’t all that busy but I couldn’t defecate on any of the doctor’s cars.  I agreed since I was really new at this and hadn’t really developed my protesting skills to that level. 

            I spent some time in my doctor’s waiting room drinking coffee from his one cup coffee maker and enjoying a doughnut a staff member offered me.  After finishing my snack and watching ESPN for awhile I decided to go to another place to protest.  I walked out of the office knowing I’d shown those corporate funded medical professionals we common people aren’t going to put up with their greed anymore.  I also learned that on Friday their office gets doughnuts for everybody.

            I figured that I had to go to a bank.  Since I live miles from New York City and Wall Street my local bank would be the best I could do for my protest.  When I walked into the branch and sat down the manager came out and started talking to me.  I’d known this guy for a long time and after some general conversation he asked me what I needed.

            “I’m here to occupy the bank to show you greedy people that we common folk will not stand for the way you control and manipulate our lives.”

            He just looked at me and smiled.  I went with him back to his office and we talked awhile.  I explained how I was really new at this protesting against corporate greed stuff and asked if he’d help me out a bit.  To make a long story short we went to lunch across the street and when we got back I was full and tired.  For some reason I don’t understand I got a CD with a great rate of return.  When I left the bank I know those greedy corporate banking types had felt the wrath of the working man.  I also know the restaurant across the street has some very good daily lunch specials.

            I tried to explain my plan for protesting to my wife when she got home but it didn’t seem as if she would be too supportive.

            “I’m not having sex with you in the open anywhere.  You’ve lost your mind.”

            “How can greedy corporate fat cats know the wrath of working people who don’t have any jobs if you’re not willing to have sex with me in the open like the protesters in New York City?”

            “Can’t you just go and defecate on a police car?”

            “I’m not comfortable with that but sex in the open is something we could do together to protest corporate greed.”

            “You ask me that one more time and your sex life will be over for years.”

            I slinked away knowing my wife just didn’t understand us corporate greed protesting types.

            The only thing left was illegal drugs and I didn’t have any, didn’t know where to get any and most of all didn’t want any.  I decided to open a beer, sit in my backyard and talk to my neighbor.  I told him how I’d failed at my attempt at Occupy Wall Street protesting.  He understood because he once got fired from a company for not selling enough insurance.  My neighbor asked me if I felt I’d made a difference with my protesting.  I told him I had no idea what I was doing but I’d actually had a good time.  We both agreed maybe that’s the reality of all those Occupy Wall Street protesters.
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GOVERNMENT BAN ON COMMON SENSE

            One of the things politicians around the world enjoy doing more than anything is saving their citizens from something.  It doesn’t even matter if the citizens need to be saved or not.  The point is they’re much safer because of the actions of the government.  If the citizens don’t understand how much safer they are because of the decisions made by their government officials it’s just too bad.  Politicians feel you’re going to be safe whether you like it or not and too bad if it doesn’t make sense.

            One of the ways politicians save their citizens is by banning things.  Citizens may not understand why certain things are banned but that’s irrelevant.  Without government involvement politicians know ungrateful citizens would just bring some type of harm to themselves.  Then they’d blame the government for not banning what brought harm to one stupid, careless, clueless individual who has a decimal point in front of their IQ.

            If you find that confusing you should.

            The government of Australia has banned porn featuring women with small breasts.  The logic behind this move is irrefutable.  The Australian government believes that if you love women with small breasts you secretly love child porn.  Now there’s something that is truly ridiculous.  I suppose the Australian porn industry can only exploit women with large breasts.  Maybe they don’t have girls who physically develop early like in my school when I was growing up.  Isn’t this discriminatory to women who have A-cups and their life-long ambition is to do porn?  I wonder if the Australian breast enhancement industry is part of the lobbying group that passed this law. 

            In Greece video games are banned.  It seems the government there wanted to come down hard on electric gambling machines.  Unfortunately their legislators wrote a law casting such a wide net that it included all forms of electronic gaming machines including video games.  This was bad news for one young Greek who was happily playing a video game at an internet café totally oblivious to the new Greek law.  This person was actually forced to serve time in prison for playing a video game.  Other European countries have asked Greece to change the law to avoid imprisoning video gamers.  Grecian politicians have ignored them presumably saying there’s no Greeks video gambling now and citizens are all now safer because of it.  With this type of logic is it really a mystery why Greece isn’t an economic superpower?

            The Chinese government does tend to think their power over its people has no boundaries.  Since China conquered Tibet in 1951 they’ve had issues with their Buddhist ways.  They decided any Buddhist from Tibet is banned from reincarnation without prior consent.  Oh this makes about as much sense as an appendix transplant.

            “I would like the state’s permission to reincarnate.”

            “What are you going to reincarnate as?”

            “The leader of China.”

            “Denied.”

            “The leader of the Chinese army?”

            “Denied

            “Sorry I’m coming back as the leader of China.”

            “You could be executed for doing such a thing.”

            “Well I guess I’ll be back a little sooner.  Then we’ll see what happens to you when I’m in charge of things here in China.”

            Saudi Arabia is a place that impresses people with their punishments from stoning people to death to cutting off their heads.  They also have problems with many aspects of the western culture.  As such they feel that Valentine’s Day is in violation of Muslim beliefs.  In order to make certain citizens of Saudi Arabia do not send one another objects of love all florists and gift shops, prior to the holiday, are required to remove anything that could give the impression of celebrating the decadent western Valentine’s Day.  Much to the surprise of the Saudi Arabian government their efforts have had quite the opposite effect.  In that country there is now a huge black market for Valentine’s Day items.  Lovers willingly buy red roses and other items for an average of six times the ordinary price.  Human nature dictates that black market money trumps government bans every time.

            Russian politicians have blamed their high teenage suicide rate on clothing.  The Russian government has banned “Emo Clothing.”  These politicians have gone as far as to say this fashion style is “a threat to national stability.”  The Emo style of clothing can not be worn to public schools or government buildings.  As long as they can wear their fashion choices to the local mall I don’t think most teens would care about the ban.  The lesson here is if your society is unhappy blame the fashion style to save the citizens.  This makes about as much sense as a tank with a kick stand.

            I would have to use the previous examples as situations where governmental bans are misguided, driven by politics or just plain stupid.  These are just some examples where citizens need more protection from their government’s decisions than from whatever it is their government is trying to save them from.

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CHINA JOBS THAT MIGHT NOT WORK IN AMERICA

            I must say the way the Chinese people look at the world and the way we Americans look it is a bit different.  America has been around for a few hundred years and China has been around for a few thousand.  At times it’s probably like a young kid doing new things that an older person finds interesting.  The older person tries to imitate the idea in their way but it just isn’t the same.

            One of the unique occupations in China is standing in  line for people.  I think that’s a great idea.  How many times have you gotten sick and tired of waiting for a restaurant or sports tickets and wish you didn’t have to put up with the woman in front of you holding a screaming child or the person behind you obviously training for the US Olympic disgusting team freestyle division?  In China you just pay someone $3.00 an hour to stand in line for you while you’re having drinks.  After enjoying yourself you get a call telling you it’s your turn.  Unfortunately such a thing just might not work in our country.  The unions would get involved and then you’d have to pay union wage and provide a benefits package.  If you couldn’t pay they’d picket your house and prevent you from going into your home while chanting things like “It’s no crime to be properly compensated to stand in line” or how about “Since you got, all the wealth, go stand in line, by yourself.”  I bet it won’t work in China either when they get unions there.

            At one time spitting in China was considered a national past time.  It was a favorite activity among people talking about the United States.

            “Those Yankee imperialist dogs think we invented fortune cookies.  Are they nuts?  Ptewey.”

            “Next thing they’ll think we invented moo goo gai pan.  Ptewey.”

            “We did invent moo goo gai pan.  They just injected a lot of grease and fat into their version so Americans will eat it. Ptewey.”

            “Didn’t we invent spitting? Ptewey?”

            “If not I bet people believe we did. Ptewey, Ptewey, Ptewey.”

            Along comes the Beijing Olympics and the Chinese government realizes as skilled as most Chinese are at spitting most people from other countries find it a bit gross.  In order to get their citizens to change their spitting habits the government created the position of “Spit Monitor.”

            Armed with ticket pads Spit Monitors would roam public parks and city streets.  When someone was caught spitting the Spit Monitor would leap into action and issue them a ticket for $2.50.  Of course this didn’t go over well at first.

            “Hey, I saw you spitting.  Here’s your ticket.”

            “Wasn’t me man, I don’t spit, never have, you’re mistaken, don’t even have saliva glands, so couldn’t be me.  Maybe you’re the one who spit.  Maybe you should give yourself a ticket.  Ever think of that?  You government types spit also.  I’ve seen you.”

            So the Chinese government in an effort to avoid the chaos of traffic court actually created a Spit Van.  Spit monitors would drive around and park an unmarked van and video tape people spitting.  When someone was discovered engaging in the act the monitor would emerge from the van and issue a ticket.  If the alleged spitting culprit complained they were the brought back to the van and shown a video recording of their expectorating and given a ticket.

The only way this could work in the United States would be as a reality show.

“You’ve seen Cops, Bait Car and Bounty Hunter but now feel the thrill and excitement experienced every day in the lives of Spit Monitors.”

In the United States we have quite a few situations where we don’t have access to a modern toilet.  With the exception of the occasional camping, backpacking or any situation where you’re in the woods I can’t think of a time when you can’t use a modern toilet.  In China things are a bit different.  They don’t need porta potties as many prefer to utilize an outhouse.  Now the Chinese government sensing a chance to put capitalism to work collects the human waste located in such places and uses it as fertilizer to the tune of 3.3 billion tons a year.  

            There are actually people in China whose profession is to collect such matter for use in the fertilizer market.  I guess things are tough all over because in one city they had over 2,500 people apply for 10 positions.  Many of the people were actually recent college graduates.  (Please forgive me for the following if you can.)  What a crappy job.  Talk about a job that really stinks.  You really have to put up with a lot of crap with that position.  It may be just a bunch of crap to you but it’s their bread and butter.  Whoever said those people don’t know crap have no idea what they for a living.  (Okay, I’ll stop). 

            Yes there are many differences between the Chinese culture and our own.  They have traditions that have gone on for thousands of years.  We have traditions of inventing machines to do whatever it is we don’t want to do.  We can admire their ancient culture and they can admire our technology but we both realize there are probably many things that just won’t work for us both.

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THE PRICE OF BEING A GOOD SAMARITAN

            Like many places in southern California certain intersections routinely get clogged with cars.  As someone who lived in southern California for eight years I can honestly say when the residents there come upon a traffic light that doesn’t work many different things go through many different minds.

            “Whoa no more traffic lights let’s go.”

            “I can’t go if the light doesn’t work.  I would go if the light worked but it doesn’t work so how am I responsible for not going through the intersection.”

            “Quien rompió el semáforo?

            “Oh great, a perfect situation to use my car’s horn.”

            “Why is the light out and what does that mean in my life’s here and now?”

            “Tell my agent I’m going to wait here until the media arrives.  I may bet getting some free publicity today for our movie.”

            Some people will inch out into the intersection and others will all try and go at the same time.  This usually results in lots of cars getting stuck in the intersection, nobody going anywhere and people yelling obscenities out of their windows while beeping their car horns.  Traffic quickly backs up and chaos is fast approaching.  Sometimes in southern California this can happen even if the traffic light is working.

            Alan Ehrlich is a resident of South Pasadena.  He noticed a particular traffic light in South Pasadena goes out on a regular basis.  This can turn a 20 minute commute into a few hour journey.  A non-working traffic light can cause people to engage in erratic behavior such as turning around in the middle of the road or trying to take a side street by driving over someone’s lawn.  Ehrlich had seen this light out before but had never seen a police officer around to direct traffic.  As a responsible person with a level of dedication to his neighborhood and neighbors that is admirable he decided to take matters into his own hands.

Inside his car Ehrlich had some orange safety flags.  Armed with safety flags he emerged from his vehicle and began directing traffic.  Without him traffic took an average of 30 minutes to get through the intersection.  With Ehrlich moving cars along with his orange safety flags a traffic jam that stretched for miles was cleared up in 10 minutes.  In no time at all the situation was under control and a regular citizen was responsible for traffic flowing smoothly.  The fellow commuters were happy, Ehrlich was happy and the makers of orange safety flags felt they may have found their next spokesperson.

It seemed all was well in the traffic world of Southern Pasadena with one big exception.  The police chief was not happy.  To be quite honest he was very unhappy.  South Pasadena Police Chief Joe Payne said when they received a call about their newest traffic officer they went into action.  A policeman was dispatched to the intersection where Ehrlich was happily directing traffic for cheerful commuters and gave him a ticket.  After the officer issued the ticket he departed leaving traffic to once again back up.  Huh? (The following is sarcasm in case a policeman from South Pasadena feels the need to write a ticket.)  That makes perfect sense because the last thing you want is to have a situation where people in cars can easily get to and from their destinations.  It’s as if these people have no respect for the value of gridlock.

Now South Pasadena Police Chief said he doesn’t have the man power needed to staff officers at that particular intersection.  He also feels it is safer to allow traffic to back up.  (More sarcasm).  I’m sure it’s good for the residents of South Pasadena to know their police department doesn’t have the staff to direct traffic at an intersection that is backed up for miles during rush hour, but does have sufficient manpower for an officer to go out to the intersection and issue a ticket to someone directing traffic at no cost to the taxpayers.  What an effective use of resources.

Does the South Pasadena Police Chief not comprehend the concept of encouraging good citizenship?  He could’ve said “Thanks concerned citizen for your efforts, but because there are lawyers who make an extremely good living by suing the police we think this is a bad idea.  Sorry.”

Instead Ehrlich probably heard “Hey, you, yeah you, with orange safety flags making traffic flow smooth at rush hour, are you nuts?  We can’t have a rush hour without things being backed up for miles.  Here’s a ticket and if you try and be a good citizen again we’ll lock you up.”

Ehrlich plans to address the matter at an upcoming meeting of the city council.

To say the least this was handled poorly.  Ehrlich should not have gotten a ticket.  The police department should have thanked him for his efforts.  Unfortunately his good intentions were met by police who seemed to feel Ehrlich was out of line.  I don’t think the South Pasadena Police Department needs more officers to keep their rush hour traffic running smoothly.  They just need to have more people around like Alan Ehrlich.

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