OCCUPY SOMEPLACE

            Like many people I’ve been watching the Occupy Wall Street protestors in New York City.  I have no idea what they’re doing and they seem to know even less why they’re there.  I think it has something to do with corporate greed, Wall Street fat cats and people not having jobs because rich people have all the money or something like that.  (Sarcasm Alert) I suppose it’s time we realize any gathering that has people who defecate on police cars, have sex in the open and provide abundant illegal drugs can’t help but be viewed as a way to put greedy rich people in their place. 

            I decided I’d had enough of rich people having all the money.  So what if they earned their wealth by providing goods and services and who cares if they pay the lion’s share of our nation’s taxes.  They can just tack on being protested against as one more thing that being rich has brought them.

            My first place to protest was my doctor’s office.  If anybody was wealthy it was him.  So what if his father was a truck driver and his mother had worked as a teller at a bank.  What difference did it make to me that he had done a good job for me during the years I’d been his patient.  He was rich and that’s all that mattered. 

            I walked into his waiting room and his receptionist asked me what I was doing there since I had no appointment.

            “I’m here to protest corporate greed.  All of the doctor’s in this office have given into the mindset of wealth at any cost.  In order to let them know we’re not going to have corporate America control our lives any more I’m going to occupy your office until my demands are met.”

            She asked me what my demands were and I told her I hadn’t thought that far ahead.  The receptionist told me I could occupy the waiting room since they weren’t all that busy but I couldn’t defecate on any of the doctor’s cars.  I agreed since I was really new at this and hadn’t really developed my protesting skills to that level. 

            I spent some time in my doctor’s waiting room drinking coffee from his one cup coffee maker and enjoying a doughnut a staff member offered me.  After finishing my snack and watching ESPN for awhile I decided to go to another place to protest.  I walked out of the office knowing I’d shown those corporate funded medical professionals we common people aren’t going to put up with their greed anymore.  I also learned that on Friday their office gets doughnuts for everybody.

            I figured that I had to go to a bank.  Since I live miles from New York City and Wall Street my local bank would be the best I could do for my protest.  When I walked into the branch and sat down the manager came out and started talking to me.  I’d known this guy for a long time and after some general conversation he asked me what I needed.

            “I’m here to occupy the bank to show you greedy people that we common folk will not stand for the way you control and manipulate our lives.”

            He just looked at me and smiled.  I went with him back to his office and we talked awhile.  I explained how I was really new at this protesting against corporate greed stuff and asked if he’d help me out a bit.  To make a long story short we went to lunch across the street and when we got back I was full and tired.  For some reason I don’t understand I got a CD with a great rate of return.  When I left the bank I know those greedy corporate banking types had felt the wrath of the working man.  I also know the restaurant across the street has some very good daily lunch specials.

            I tried to explain my plan for protesting to my wife when she got home but it didn’t seem as if she would be too supportive.

            “I’m not having sex with you in the open anywhere.  You’ve lost your mind.”

            “How can greedy corporate fat cats know the wrath of working people who don’t have any jobs if you’re not willing to have sex with me in the open like the protesters in New York City?”

            “Can’t you just go and defecate on a police car?”

            “I’m not comfortable with that but sex in the open is something we could do together to protest corporate greed.”

            “You ask me that one more time and your sex life will be over for years.”

            I slinked away knowing my wife just didn’t understand us corporate greed protesting types.

            The only thing left was illegal drugs and I didn’t have any, didn’t know where to get any and most of all didn’t want any.  I decided to open a beer, sit in my backyard and talk to my neighbor.  I told him how I’d failed at my attempt at Occupy Wall Street protesting.  He understood because he once got fired from a company for not selling enough insurance.  My neighbor asked me if I felt I’d made a difference with my protesting.  I told him I had no idea what I was doing but I’d actually had a good time.  We both agreed maybe that’s the reality of all those Occupy Wall Street protesters.
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