I must say the way the Chinese people look at the world and the way we Americans look it is a bit different. America has been around for a few hundred years and China has been around for a few thousand. At times it’s probably like a young kid doing new things that an older person finds interesting. The older person tries to imitate the idea in their way but it just isn’t the same.
One of the unique occupations in China is standing in line for people. I think that’s a great idea. How many times have you gotten sick and tired of waiting for a restaurant or sports tickets and wish you didn’t have to put up with the woman in front of you holding a screaming child or the person behind you obviously training for the US Olympic disgusting team freestyle division? In China you just pay someone $3.00 an hour to stand in line for you while you’re having drinks. After enjoying yourself you get a call telling you it’s your turn. Unfortunately such a thing just might not work in our country. The unions would get involved and then you’d have to pay union wage and provide a benefits package. If you couldn’t pay they’d picket your house and prevent you from going into your home while chanting things like “It’s no crime to be properly compensated to stand in line” or how about “Since you got, all the wealth, go stand in line, by yourself.” I bet it won’t work in China either when they get unions there.
At one time spitting in China was considered a national past time. It was a favorite activity among people talking about the United States.
“Those Yankee imperialist dogs think we invented fortune cookies. Are they nuts? Ptewey.”
“Next thing they’ll think we invented moo goo gai pan. Ptewey.”
“We did invent moo goo gai pan. They just injected a lot of grease and fat into their version so Americans will eat it. Ptewey.”
“Didn’t we invent spitting? Ptewey?”
“If not I bet people believe we did. Ptewey, Ptewey, Ptewey.”
Along comes the Beijing Olympics and the Chinese government realizes as skilled as most Chinese are at spitting most people from other countries find it a bit gross. In order to get their citizens to change their spitting habits the government created the position of “Spit Monitor.”
Armed with ticket pads Spit Monitors would roam public parks and city streets. When someone was caught spitting the Spit Monitor would leap into action and issue them a ticket for $2.50. Of course this didn’t go over well at first.
“Hey, I saw you spitting. Here’s your ticket.”
“Wasn’t me man, I don’t spit, never have, you’re mistaken, don’t even have saliva glands, so couldn’t be me. Maybe you’re the one who spit. Maybe you should give yourself a ticket. Ever think of that? You government types spit also. I’ve seen you.”
So the Chinese government in an effort to avoid the chaos of traffic court actually created a Spit Van. Spit monitors would drive around and park an unmarked van and video tape people spitting. When someone was discovered engaging in the act the monitor would emerge from the van and issue a ticket. If the alleged spitting culprit complained they were the brought back to the van and shown a video recording of their expectorating and given a ticket.
The only way this could work in the United States would be as a reality show.
“You’ve seen Cops, Bait Car and Bounty Hunter but now feel the thrill and excitement experienced every day in the lives of Spit Monitors.”
In the United States we have quite a few situations where we don’t have access to a modern toilet. With the exception of the occasional camping, backpacking or any situation where you’re in the woods I can’t think of a time when you can’t use a modern toilet. In China things are a bit different. They don’t need porta potties as many prefer to utilize an outhouse. Now the Chinese government sensing a chance to put capitalism to work collects the human waste located in such places and uses it as fertilizer to the tune of 3.3 billion tons a year.
There are actually people in China whose profession is to collect such matter for use in the fertilizer market. I guess things are tough all over because in one city they had over 2,500 people apply for 10 positions. Many of the people were actually recent college graduates. (Please forgive me for the following if you can.) What a crappy job. Talk about a job that really stinks. You really have to put up with a lot of crap with that position. It may be just a bunch of crap to you but it’s their bread and butter. Whoever said those people don’t know crap have no idea what they for a living. (Okay, I’ll stop).
Yes there are many differences between the Chinese culture and our own. They have traditions that have gone on for thousands of years. We have traditions of inventing machines to do whatever it is we don’t want to do. We can admire their ancient culture and they can admire our technology but we both realize there are probably many things that just won’t work for us both.
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