Yard Maintenance Soldiers

As the season slowly changes from the cold winter months to the warm spring season, many things in the world of nature begin to change. Bees begin to seek out flowers; budding leaves begin to appear on trees and dads begin to make plans to have the best lawn in the neighborhood.

Many members of the family may view lawn work as boring, physically exhausting and not too much fun but dads tend to see lawn care in completely different terms.

The lawn is his territory and his property. Invaders in the form of weeds, crabgrass and other unwanted plant life have taken over a portion of his sovereign home, they must be dealt with accordingly. His arsenal consists of weed killers, lawn mower; weed whacker and hedge trimmers just to name a few. The enemy has been identified, a course of action against them has been defined and all that is left to accomplish his objective is a nice day.
With his children are gathered together dad brings out a picture of the lawn. He begins to tell the family how they will be spending a beautiful Saturday afternoon. As dad talks, he points to the picture of the lawn.

“Son, in the back here we’ve spotted some crabgrass. As you know crabgrass left alone could take over our whole lawn. Your mission is to take out the weeds, destroy the crab grass with this weed killer and return here quickly. I want you in and out of crabgrass held territory as fast as lightening. Do you understand?”

As the son looks around for a way to escape, he decides to attempt talking his way out of doing lawn work.

“Ah, dad, check it out, see me and the guy were going to play some b-ball today, it’s a nice day, you know, outside, getting exercise, ya’ know?”

Dan walks over to a window, looks at the lawn and then turns toward his son.

“Out there is a beautiful lawn being held captive by a joint force of weeds, unwanted insects and overgrown plants. I feel that we as human beings have an obligation to free that beautiful lawn from those evil forces for the good of mankind.”

Dad’s daughter is sitting next to her brother rolling her eyes and wondering if she were adopted. She decides to speak up.

“Aw, come on dad, you know no matter what you do Mr. Horner next door will always have a better looking lawn than ours. That man pays professionals to do his yard work”. How can we compete with that?”

“I can’t believe my own child is sitting there talking to me like a traitor.”

When mom comes in, she’s surprised at what she sees before her.

“Honey, why are you wearing your old Army uniform?”

The son sees an opportunity to have someone join his cause.

“Aw, dad’s trippin’ out over the lawn again like every year. Why don’t you just pay someone to take care of it just like Mr. Horner next door?”
“I refuse to use lawn maintenance mercenaries.”
“Why don’t you children help your father with the lawn for awhile. Then you can go and do other things.”

Turning to her husband mom puts her hands on her husband’s shoulders.

“And why don’t you just take it easy? It’s just a lawn, do the best you can and forget about it. Nobody notices but you.”
“I hate it when you pull rank on me like this.”
Mom heads for the door then turns back and smiles.
“I know.”

Under dad’s strict guidance, the summer lawn battles begin. Weed killer is put down; grass is removed and hedges trimmed. Then comes a moment everybody in dad’s family hates, the manure drop. Dads know that all plant life around the world grows better with special manure. This is not your common everyday animal droppings, but packaged manure bought at a store for a good price.

After all the lawn work, dad walks around feeling triumphant. His lawn grass is thick and green. The hedges are trimmed to perfection. In the flower garden, healthy flowers are quietly adding to nature’s beauty.

Dad gathers his family around to share this special moment.
“Isn’t that a beautiful sight? A lawn free of pests and plants able to pursue their plant life as they choose.”

Uninspired his son speaks up.

“Check it out dad, I say next year, why, we hold peace talks with the crabgrass and all them nasty weeds. What do you say?”

His daughter joins her brother.

“Yeah, Yeah and then maybe we can let them weeds be free to pursue their plant life as they choose.”

Dad just smiles.

“Well, next year I was going to do things a little different. Next year, I was thinking about starting a vegetable garden. Wouldn’t freshly picked vegetables from your very own garden be wonderful?”

When his family threatens to use him as fertilizer, dad is confused by their reaction.

Don't forget to subscribe to READMIKENOW. The subscribe tool is to the right of this column a little ways down from the top. You can ALSO put your email address in the space provided at the top of the column. Thanks! 

IF YOU LIKE MY HUMOR, YOU'LL LOVE MY BOOKS. MAY BE FREE FOR KINDLE