If you know someone who seems as dumb as a box of rocks, it may not be their fault. According to scientists, they may have been infected with a stupid virus. This is the truth. It seems scientists at the University of Nebraska and Johns Hopkins Medical School has discovered a virus that makes people stupid.
This is an actual story. Below are excerpts of the story in bold and my important insights is in italics.
A virus that infects human brains and makes us more stupid has been discovered, according to scientists in the US. The algae virus, never before observed in healthy people, was found to affect cognitive functions including visual processing and spatial awareness. Scientists at Johns Hopkins Medical School and the University of Nebraska stumbled upon the discovery when they were undertaking an unrelated study into throat microbes.
I guess if you can discover penicillin from mold in a petri dish, you can discover a stupid virus from an unrelated study.
“We may have identified a terrible virus that is having a devastating effect on humanity.”
“Is it wreaking havoc among mankind? Does this virus have the potential to destroy the human populations of the world? Does it make people live a life filled with physical pain and horror?”
“Ah, well, sort of, kinda, in a way, maybe.”
“What does this scourge do to those who are infected with it?”
“It makes them stupid.”
“Well, I guess politics will now make more sense.”
Surprisingly, the researchers found DNA in the throats of healthy individuals that matched the DNA of a virus known to infect green algae.
Dr. Robert Yolken, a virologist who led the original study, said: “This is a striking example showing that the ‘innocuous’ microorganisms we carry can affect behaviour and cognition.
When they discovered this virus from the individuals who provided their DNA, what did they tell them?
“I'm sorry study participant. We were trying to discover a cure for the common cold. Our research has led us in another direction. We were able to discover something interesting about you.”
“What?”
“You're stupid.”
“Huh?”
“It's not like it's your fault. See, we discovered a virus that makes people stupid. You are at full-blown idiot stage.”
“What does that mean?”
“Let me put it this way, we're in the process of getting a court order to have you and your family put in quarantine.”
“But I'm a high ranking political official.”
“Exactly.”
“Huh?”
“Many physiological differences between person A and person B are encoded in the set of genes each inherits from parents, yet some of these differences are fuelled by the various microorganisms we harbor and the way they interact with our genes.”
Of the 90 participants in the study, 40 tested positive for the algae virus. Those who tested positive performed worse on tests designed to measure the speed and accuracy of visual processing. They also achieved lower scores in tasks designed to measure attention.
This study will be very valuable to many people. If you're designated as too stupid to do a job, you can blame it on a virus and your genetics. There will probably be a movement by liberals to have government protection for victims of the stupid virus. Stupid people will now be considered victims. They will start a campaign to stop discrimination against the stupid. Companies will now be required to hire a certain number of people affected by the stupid virus. Nonprofit companies will begin fundraising to develop a cure for the stupid. We'll eventually have a stupid awareness day complete with a ribbon.
Humans’ bodies contain trillions of bacteria, viruses and fungi. Most are harmless, but the findings of this research show that there some microbes can have a detrimental impact on cognitive functions while leaving individuals healthy.
The study’s findings were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Out of these trillions of bacteria couldn't scientists discover one that's a self-sufficient virus? Couldn't they find one that would make people get along? A virus that will cause people to no longer argue over meaningless issues. One that will make people honest and kind. What am I saying? If I continue people talking like this, people will believe I've been infected with the stupid virus.
Here is a link to the story.
Stupid Virus Story
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