The History of Halloween Or How Giving Kids Free Candy Became A Tradition

Okay, it's time to gather around and get comfortable. I'm going to tell you about the beginning of Halloween. It happens this week. I'm sure many of you know about dressing in costumes and having kids walk up to your house, saying “Trick or Treat” and expecting candy to be placed in a container they’re carrying. This popular costume-wearing, candy-eating, party-going, scary-movie-watching holiday does have a beginning. It all started with those fun-loving people from history known as the Celts. If you don't know who they are just watch the movie “Braveheart.” I don't know if William Wallace had anything to do with Halloween, but it may be possible.

Celts and Halloween
Thousands of years ago the Celts had Celtic festivals. One of their favorites was called Samhain. It was a day recognized for the ending of the summer, bringing in the harvest, and the start of extended darkness and preparing for the cold of winter. Now, we call this switching our clocks to daylight savings time. The Celts believed on this particular day, the boundary between the world of the living and dead vanish. This is when they believed ghosts of the dead came back to earth. The spirits would cause trouble and damage crops. The Celtic priests were called Druids. This is the time when they would make predictions about the future. I'm not sure how those Druids could see the future, I wonder if they saw how candy would one day become a real big deal during their festival of Samhain.

Bonfires
On this day, the Druids would build large bonfires that were considered sacred. People would come to these fires and make offerings to the Celtic deities by burning crops, sacrificing animals and more. During the bonfire, Celts wore costumes. What did the Celts costumes look like? Maybe it's when the naughty chambermaid and naughty William Wallace costumes were invented. Who knows? When the celebration was over the Celts would take some burnt wood from the sacred bonfire and use it to start a fire in their home. It was believed this would protect them during the approaching winter. Too bad s'mores had yet to be invented.

United States
The settlers in New England knew of Halloween but did not put too much effort into recognizing it. I suppose the naughty pilgrim costumes had not been invented. Then more immigrants from around Europe began to arrive. Everybody wanted to celebrate Halloween and said “Pbbbbbth” to the New England settlers. Halloween started to be a day when people celebrated the harvest. They had games, parties and telling of ghost stories around a fire (thanks Druids) and some tried to make mischief. By the middle of the 1800s, an annual autumn festival was held all over the country.

Beginning Of Modern Halloween

During the 1850s, Americans combine traditions from the English and Irish (Celts). People started dressing up in costumes. Children would go house to house requesting food or money. The evolved into saying “trick or treat” at each house. It was also a time when young women believed they could use apple parings, a mirror, and yard to discover their future husband. I think this was the precursor to online dating.

  Halloween In the U.S. 1920s and 1930s.
By this time, most of the superstitious and religious connotations of this celebration was ignored or forgotten. Halloween evolved into a community event. Some towns had parties, parades and different types of entertainment. Vandalism began to be a big part of the holiday. As much as vandals enjoyed it, most people did not.

  Halloween In the U.S. 1950s
During this time town leaders felt the kids were out of control for this holiday. The holiday began to be focused on the youth and finding ways to stop vandalism. Halloween celebrations moved into school classrooms and into neighborhoods.
To address the out-of-control youth vandals, someone said, “Hey, let's revive the centuries-old practice of trick or treating. This way out stupid idiots kids will be so busy extorting free candy from people while wearing costumes, they won't have the time to vandalize things.”
“What if people don't want to give them candy?”
“Then, they're the ones who get vandalized.”
“Sounds like organized crime.”
“Kids got to learn about the real world some day. It'll be a good lesson.”

Money and Current Halloween
This gave birth to the fine American tradition of children hiding their identities and extorting candy from people. Businesses like this holiday since it's estimated that over $5.5 billion is spent each year on it. Halloween is the second most lucrative holiday for business. That is a lot of candy and naughty nurse costumes being sold every year. When I was growing up a man in my neighborhood gave out great candy. His goal was to upset as many kids as possible. He'd throw the candy on his law and tell kids to go get it. He'd tell one boy he'd give him two candy bars if he punched the kid next to him. Then a fight would happen, parents would yell, he'd tell them if they didn't like it to get off his property. He spent the entire night laughing at things he could make people do for candy. I'm not sure, but I think he was a Druid.

Seattle Trash Laws Are A Bunch Of Garbage

Anybody who has been to Seattle knows the people who live there are a little bit different. I've spoken to Seattle residents who were shocked to discover the recreational use of marijuana in their state was now legal. They had no idea it had ever been illegal. I now contend the legal marijuana use in Seattle has reached epic proportions. It is a special city where garbage men are deputized to put an end to the scourge of improper garbage use. Seattle residents can now be issued tickets by garbage pick-up workers for having too much trash. I am telling you the truth.

The city council in Seattle made voluntary composting and recycling mandatory. I would ask the Seattle city council if these things are mandatory, then how can they be considered voluntary? I would also tell them, it's obvious their indulgence in vast amounts of legal marijuana prior to council meetings is proving to be is a bad idea.

  

Below are some excerpts from the story about this in “The New American.” The story excerpts are in bold, and my keen observations are in italics.

Last September, the city council, in a move the Seattle Times said did not require a public hearing, made formerly voluntary composting and recycling guidelines mandatory for all Seattle residents. As of January 1, anyone caught with a trash can containing more than 10 percent food or recyclables gets a big red tag stuck on his can and, beginning in July, an extra dollar added to his garbage bill.
And just who is going to enforce this onerous mandate? According to the Times:
Under the new rules, [garbage] collectors can take a cursory look each time they dump trash into a garbage truck.
If they see compostable items make up 10 percent or more of the trash, they’ll enter the violation into a computer system their trucks already carry, and will leave a ticket on the garbage bin that says to expect a $1 fine on the next garbage bill.

Isn't this something they have in a communist countries? There doesn't seem to be a way to challenge the excessive garbage charge in a court of competent jurisdiction. Seattle may not have a court of competent jurisdiction or forgot they had once since marijuana became legal in their state. How many people could be the victim of a disgruntled garbage collector with a personal vendetta?

“I've had red stickers put on my garbage can and have been fined several dollars.”
“What's the problem, dude? You, like, did the garbage overage deal man. Ya' gotta pay the fine, you garbage use abuser man.”
“I've not lived in that home for a month. I've been away. How could I put trash in the trash cans?”

After lighting up a joint, the garbage collector says,“I don't like you, man. Dude, we did the cursory look, and you had trash in there man, I'm telling you, trash dude, get over it. Don't make me put a red sticker on you, man. Like, then we'll charge you two dollars, man. (After inhaling huge amounts of marijuana smoke, it is blown into the face of the Seattle resident). Got anything to eat? I'm hungry?”
“I'm going to see you in court.”
“Watch it, man, I'm pretty good at playing hoops.”
“I mean a court of competent jurisdiction.”
“We have one of those?

Why is Seattle so intent on forcing residents to compost and recycle?
First, the city has a goal of recycling 60 percent of its waste by the end of this year, but Seattleites haven’t quite gotten with the program. Despite the city’s campaigning for recycling, they’re only recycling 56 percent of their waste and don’t seem to be able to improve on that without compulsion. In fact, noted Oregon Public Broadcasting, “recycling in residential homes actually dipped 0.3 percent from 2012 to 2013.”

Where did the people on the Seattle City Council learn to govern? Let me guess, their inspiration came from such well-known world leaders as Mussolini, Stalin, Hitler, Kim Jong Il, Pol Pot, Marcos, Castro and Idi Amin Dada. I'm sure all of them had very strict garbage regulations for their people. Is the motto of the Seattle City Council “You're going to be mandated to voluntarily follow our garbage restrictions or we have ways of dealing with you.”

Second, food waste left out in the open “produces methane, one of the most harmful greenhouses [sic] gases, as it rots,” wrote theWashington Post. “The second largest component of landfills in the United States is organic waste, and landfills are the single largest source of methane gas.” And since the Left Coast is nothing if not in thrall to the radical environmentalist agenda — never mind the fact that there has been no “global warming” for at least 18 years — Seattle simply cannot allow this “dangerous” gas to enter the atmosphere. It’s hoping instead to produce about 38,000 tons of compost annually.

I suppose while the members of the Seattle City Council ride around in their cars, fly on planes and do a number of things that produce greenhouse gas they feel it doesn't matter. They will save the planet from climate change with red garbage can stickers and increasing garbage costs. (Sarcasm Alert) I'm sure future generations will live in a utopia of environmental bliss and run around thanking the old Seattle City Council for their red garbage can stickers and increased garbage costs.

Today the city is indeed digging into individuals’ garbage. Businesses, meanwhile, “aren’t subject to any composting requirements,” reported the Times.

Based on the behavior of the Seattle City Council, I would image all marijuana businesses are automatically exempt from such an ordinance. Places that sell food will also not have to worry. Only Seattle residents must fear the red garbage can sticker and fine. It may change if they discover where their court of competent jurisdiction is located. If they don't have one, they need to get one.

Story in "The New American" about Seattle garbage laws.  
  

Actual Study: Treating Depression With Laughing Gas

I believe that depression has always been part of the human condition. How we treat it has changed over the years. There was a time when the only thing to be done was drink alcohol. People felt sad, and they drank adult beverages. It really didn't solve the problem. People were probably just sad and drunk. It was a time when bartenders were probably the ones who rendered most therapy sessions. I imagine this was the case for hundreds of years. Then depression was treated with medication. Pills, pills and more pills. The pharmaceutical industry joined with the medical profession to provide therapy sessions and pills. Additional depression pills to fill in where the regular depression pills don't work. It may be possible people are depressed because they have to take so many pills. Now there is a new approach to an old problem. Treating depression with laughing gas. This is for real.

Possible laughing gas commercial for depression. A man and woman are sitting on a park bench talking.

“I'm so sad today. It upsets me.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
The woman pulls out a canister of gas from her purse.
“Why, I'm not worried. I've got my canister of laughing gas with me. If I feel sad, I simply inhale a bunch of this stuff, and I'm laughing at everything.”
“Does it make you feel better?”
“Not really, but laughing is more fun than being depressed.”
“I'm sure it is.”

Below are excerpts from the article in bold. My valuable insights are in italics.

A team conducted a small pilot study that found nitrous oxide - commonly known as laughing gas - shows promise in alleviating severe depression that is not responding to treatment.

The team, from Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, MO, reports the findings of their proof-of-concept study into the effects of laughing gas on severe, treatment-resistant depression in the journalBiological Psychiatry.

Treatment-resistant depression must be some serious stuff. I suppose the lesson here is that when everything else fails, make a depressed person laugh by any means available. It may not make them happy, but at least they're laughing as they think bad things.

The study involved 20 patients with severe depression whose illness was not responding to conventional treatment. It was a randomized, placebo-controlled crossover trial where the participants underwent two treatments: once with the active drug - the laughing gas or nitrous oxide - and once with a placebo, on separate occasions. They were randomly assigned to receive either the drug or the placebo first.

It's interesting how they can come to conclusions concerning something as serious as depression with only 20 patients. This experiment was kind of cruel. You get laughing gas and then you get something you think is laughing gas. I say if you're laughing with a placebo you may not be that depressed. You may just like inhaling gas. Maybe next they should have a few depressed people inhale helium and talk to each other. It always makes people laugh at parties.

Symptom severity was evaluated shortly after the treatments, and then on the day after. This was by means of a survey that examined items like sadness, feelings of guilt, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and insomnia. Two-thirds of patients reported improved symptoms after treatment with laughing gas. The results showed that two-thirds of the patients reported an improvement in symptoms after receiving the nitrous oxide. In contrast, only one-third of the same patients reported improvement after receiving the placebo treatment. And none of the patients reported worse symptoms after treatment with nitrous oxide.

Can you imagine a patient going to their therapist after this experiment?

“I want you to prescribe me some of that laughing gas I had during the experiment.”
“Sorry, you were part of the control group. You were inhaling a placebo.”
“Then get me some of that, it made me feel better.”
“I can't prescribe a placebo?”
“Why not? It worked with me.”
“It's was a placebo. It was nothing. There was nothing in the gas you inhaled.”
“Then prescribe me some nothing gas. It helped me. I felt so much better after having nothing gas. It's a miracle.”
“Maybe you should try inhaling helium. You don't need a prescription for it.”
“Great idea! Thank you so much.”

If the findings can be replicated, it would be very useful to have such a fast-acting drug, particularly to give to patients at risk of suicide - for them, 2 weeks could be a very long time to wait for improvement. Such a drug might also be used to relieve symptoms temporarily until more conventional treatment takes effect.
The team is shortly starting a new series of studies to test the effects of different concentrations of laughing gas on symptoms of depression.

I can only imagine paramedics coming across someone contemplating suicide and administering laughing gas.
“Patient is restrained.”
“Administer laughing gas.”
“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.”
“Not to yourself, to the patient.”
“Oh, here you go.”
“I'm so sad I almost committed suicide. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.”
“I know, we were able to stop you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.”
“I feel better now. I'm still depressed, but you guys look so funny in those uniforms and this weird ambulance. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
“I sure hope this isn't a placebo. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.”
“Me too. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.”

I bet there will be no shortage of patients willing to participate in an experiment requiring them to inhale laughing gas all day. I'm not depressed, and it sounds like fun to me.

I know that treating depression is no laughing matter. This research means treating depression has gone from drinking alcohol into taking pills and then developed into inhaling gas. If this research proves to be useful in treating depression, this condition will actually become a matter of laughing.

Laughing Gas For Treating Depression Story

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Actual Story: Never Fear As Cow Farts Will Soon Disappear

When people say man-made global warming, I say, “If you drive a car, eat food or break wind, you're a cause of it so stop. I'm not worried about global warming. The reason is simple. Many global warming scientists have made predictions of gloom and doom, and nothing has ever happened.


United Nation Scientist Prediction of 1989

In 1989, the United Nations proclaimed the world only had ten years to resolve the planet's global warming problems or face dire consequences. Noel Brown was an environmental official with the United Nations. He predicted that entire nations could be wiped off the face of the earth as a result of rising sea levels. This would happen by the year 2000. I would have liked that idea only if I were given the chance to choose the countries that were wiped out. I'm afraid a few countries in the middle east would get my vote. It turned out the world's only consequences in the year 2000 were hearing the United Nations continue to sound like idiots as they refused to acknowledge they look stupid. This organization appears to trust people who have the scientific skills of an amoeba. I hope amoebas are not too insulted by this statement.

United Nations Scientist Prediction of 2007
In 2007, the U.N.'s top climate scientist predicted we had four years left to save the world from the horrific effects of global warming. This prediction was made by a man named Rajendra Pachuri. He was in charge of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. Here it is many years later, and the organization that redefines the concept of dysfunction has presented a new treaty to save the world from global warming. It seems Pachuri was let go after accusations of sexual harassment of female co-workers. Hey, I guess he believed if the world was going to burn to a crisp in a few years, what did he have to loose?

Duh
The stupidity and ignorance associated with global warming continue today. It's obvious nobody can predict when or if global warming will ever be a problem. Because the concept of global warming has become such a joke, those who want to use this theory to frighten the weak-minded and emotionally needy, now call it climate change. Naive and gullible people buy into this idea. They all seem to forget that the earth's climate has changed many times since the beginning of our world, and this happened many times without the influence of man.

Cow Farts
If you are foolish enough to believe in global warming, and you want to feel good about yourself, you will try and do something about it. It seems some researchers, who have nothing better to do with their time, developed a way to decrease cow farts. If this becomes popular Mexican restaurants may require me to take it before I get my meal. The Mexican restaurants I frequent make me sit outside. Even if there's no outside seating and it's the middle of winter.

Molecule Invention
If order to justify their existence, and have something to do during the day, some researchers invented a molecule that will help cows break down their food better and fart less. Can you imagine the conversations at that university at lunchroom?

“What are you working on?”
“I am trying to discover a cure for cancer.”
“What are you working on?”
“I'm creating a way to prevent heart attacks. What are you working on?”
“I'm working how to make cows fart less.”
“Huh?”
“Well, it will reduce methane and save the planet from global warming.”
“You want to work for the United Nations someday don't you?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Never mind.”

Below are excerpts from the article in italics. My valuable insights are in bold.


Cows are contributing to climate change in a big way. The methane produced when cows pass wind is one of the biggest drivers of a heating planetary atmosphere. However, a recent study claims to have found a means of reducing cattle methane emissions by 30 percent using an inhibitor molecule.
The study, published in July in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), tested the effect of 3NOP, a molecule that restricts the production of methane during enteric fermentation — the process of digestion by which ruminant animals like cows and sheep break down their food.


Okay, so it's not just cows, it's also sheep that have problematic farting. I bet horses and other farm animals produce their fair share of farts. I've known some pretty gassy dogs in my time. Are these researchers “bovineaphobes?” Why are they so prejudice against cows? The Institute for Cow Fart Freedom (ICCF) should be formed. Its members should march on Washington. They need to protest the rights of cows everywhere to be able to fart freely like other animals.



The study indicates that chemical inhibitors could play an important role in cutting methane emissions and, as a result, tackling climate change. According to the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization, the livestock sector contributes 18 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions, including 35 percent of methane. The gas has 23 times the Global Warming Potential of carbon dioxide; livestock emissions are estimated to cause as much global warming as 2.2 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide.

The United Nations again? Why am I not surprised. The next thing you know the United Nations will produce a study that says in order to protect the world from global warming, J. Michael Krivyanski is forbidden from eating Mexican food. His love of it could destroy our planet. His emissions are estimated to be equal to those of cows when he has beer with his Mexican food. The inhibitor molecules seem to have no effect on him.


The inhibitor is produced and marketed as a feed additive by DSM. The DSM spokesman told Newsweek that, since the inhibitor was not yet on the market, it was...part of the company's 'Clean Cow' technology, which they claim could have a big impact on reducing the environmental impact of livestock emissions.


Clean Cow technology? It almost sounds like an app you could download to a smartphone so you could wash a cow. This is what companies are spending money one these days? We may not be able to do a thing about the number of strokes people have or heart disease, but at least we don't have to be so concerned about cows farting. Guess the world can sleep better at night knowing this information.

The most frustrating thing about global warming is the number of people who believe it but have not done their own research about it. They believe it because a government official or celebrity says it is true. It's time our society begins to look at the fact of this situation. If weak-minded people need a cause, there are plenty of them to follow. Cows need a spokesperson for their fart freedom. Now, there is a cause that's just begging for emotionally needy participants.

Cow Fart Story

http://dailycaller.com/2015/05/04/25-years-of-predicting-the-global-warming-tipping-point/#ixzz3iF4vSa2O

Actual Story: Court Rules Chimpanzees Don't Have Same Rights As Humans

This is a real story. It's an actual court case. I have met some people I thought were a little out there. I've had conversations with individuals that made me wonder how their thoughts could be considered rational by any human mind. Whatever I've experienced in the past is nothing compared to a story I read describing a group trying to give human rights to chimps. This is a real group who believes in their mission. Some of the people in this group are highly educated. I wonder if they just watched one too many movies from the “Planet of the Apes” series. Have they emotionally bonded with the chimp in the old “Tarzan” movies. Were they big fans of the television series during the 1970s called “Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp?”

I believe something isn't right.

Below are excerpts of the story in bold. My valuable insights are in italics.

ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — A chimpanzee is not entitled to the rights of a human and does not have to be freed by its owner, a New York appeals court ruled Thursday.

The three-judge Appellate Division panel was unanimous in denying "legal personhood" to Tommy, who lives alone in a cage in upstate Fulton County.

A trial level court had previously denied the Nonhuman Rights Project's effort to have Tommy released. The group's lawyer, Steven Wise, told the appeals court in October that the chimp's living conditions are akin to a person in unlawful solitary confinement.

I can just imagine a judge speaking with is staff.
“What do we have on the docket today?”
“There is a case about spousal abuse. One about pollution concerns and another about malpractice suits. There is also another one to determine if a chimpanzee is entitled to the rights of a human.”
“Huh?”
“That's right; Tommy is the chimp and there's a group trying to give him legal personhood.”
“Are these people monkeying around?”
“I wonder if they work for bananas?”
“This case is pun intensive.”
“I agree.”

Wise argued that animals with human qualities, such as chimps, deserve basic rights, including freedom from imprisonment. He has also sought the release of three other chimps in New York and said he plans similar cases in other states.

Steven Wise is an actual person and a licensed practicing attorney. He is not living up to his last name. If I could speak to him I'd say “Stevey the not-so-Wiseman, what's up? What are you doing with this stuff? Trying to say chimps have rights like me? What? You want politicians to worry about getting the chimp vote now? (Pun Alert) Politicians would go ape. You want chimps to drive? You try and get them to pass the written test. I say if you get personhood status you need to be able to use the bathroom like persons I know. I say before you get personhood you need to have an email account and know how to order stuff online. I think personhood is determined by nature or an even higher power.

But the mid-level appeals court said there is neither precedent nor legal basis for treating animals as persons.

"So far as legal theory is concerned, a person is any being whom the law regards as capable of rights and duties," the judges wrote. "Needless to say, unlike human beings, chimpanzees cannot bear any legal duties, submit to societal responsibilities or be held legally accountable for their actions."

That, they ruled, makes it "inappropriate" to grant the rights of a human to the animal.

At least the judges aren't crazy. It makes sense that Chimpanzees cannot bear legal duties. That means people like Stevey can't even sue a chimp. I don't think that would stop this guy. I bet if he won a judgment against a chimp he'd try and collect. Chimps can't be held legally accountable for their actions. This is a big deal. This means a chimp could trash Stevey's car, and all a judge could tell him is “Aye, it's a chimp, what ya want me to do? Go after the owner.”

The Nonhuman Rights Project said it will appeal to the state's top court, citing other New York appeals court rulings it says are at odds with Thursday's decision.

"It is time for the common law to recognize that these facts are sufficient to establish personhood for the purpose of a writ of habeas corpus," the organization said, referring to characteristics of chimps it says are "similar to those possessed by human beings."

The Nonhuman Rights Project is a real organization. I think it consists of emotionally needy people looking for a way to give their life purpose. I wonder if you hear the theme from “Twilight Zone” playing in the background when talking with them. Jane Goodall is on the board of directors. Maybe Jane has spent just a little too much time alone in the jungle with the chimps. Stevey says, “establishing personhood for the purpose of a writ of habeaus corpus.” I say before a chimp gets personhood, they should be able to explain what habeaus corpus means. I'm not an attorney, but I understand it requires a prisoner be taken before a court and the individuals holding the prisoner give proof they have the legal authority to hold the prisoner. If there is an attorney chimp out there with a better explanation, please let me know.

Tommy's owner, Patrick Lavery, said Thursday he was pleased and expected the ruling.

"I just couldn't picture any court granting habeas corpus for an animal," he said. "If it works for one animal, it works for all animals. It would open a can of worms."

Can you imagine animals at zoos and wild animal parks filing a writ of habeas corpus? I'd love to be in court that day.

“Grrrraaaaaaaw”
“Your honor my client wants to know by what right he's being held captive in the animal park.”
“Counselor, your client is a 500 pound Bengal tiger. Should he be set free, he would be a danger to society.”
“If they treat him with love and respect they'll have nothing to worry about.”
“Then, we'll release him into your home.”
“I don't like that idea.”
“You can love him and respect him and you'll have nothing to worry about.”
“Wait a minute, no, he's a full grown tiger.”
“Not now, because of your work, he's a person protesting his incarceration at a zoo.”
“You can't let a full-grown male tiger in my house.”
“I suggest you sue the tiger. Maybe he needs to learn the downside of our judicial system.”
“Nooooooooooooo.”

Tommy, believed to be about 40 years old, is a former entertainment chimp who was placed with Lavery about 10 years ago. Lavery said Tommy is cared for under strict state and federal license rules and inspections.

The court noted there have been no claims that Tommy has been mistreated or that any of those rules have been violated.

Lavery said Tommy lives in a seven-room enclosure in Gloversville with lots of toys and other "enrichment."

Maybe it's time for Stevey and the others at the Nonhuman Rights Project to get a new hobby. There are actually a lot of humans around the world who need help. Guess what? They won't have to be granted personhood before you help them.

Chimps Rights Story

UPDATE
A court in Argentina has given “non-human person” status to an orangutan. Huh? What exactly does that mean? Is a non-human person the same as a non-creature animal? Is it the same as non-avian bird? It all makes no sense. This is a genetically designed word to confuse the easily confused. Maybe this would pass as non-sense logic. (Ha, ha, ha)

Argentinian Non-human person story

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Pop Tart Gun Suspension. A Real Story

It is time for the ninth ever Flaming Idiot Award. This is an award given to those individuals who have distinguished themselves with behavior that demonstrates a lack of common sense, logic and a diminished ability to comprehend reality. As we all know, these people are everywhere and especially in positions of power.

Flaming Idiot Award IX goes to (Imagine hearing a drum roll) the teacher of Josh Welsh who became upset when Josh accidentally nibbled a strawberry Pop Tart into a shape his teacher felt was a gun. This teacher rises to the level of wondering if her IQ has a decimal point in front of it. (Imagine hearing massive clapping and cheering).

Below are excerpts from the story in bold. My valuable insights are in italics.

BALTIMORE - A 7-year-old Maryland boy has been suspended from school after biting his breakfast pastry into a shape that his teacher thought looked like a gun.

So what? Does this intellectually challenged teacher believe this young boy could use a Pop Tart in the shape of a gun to harm other students?

“Back off man I'm packing a Pop Tart nibbled into the shape of a gun.”
“I hope it's not strawberry.”
“It's worse.”
“How?”
“It's double fudge.”
“Oh, no, help, police.

Josh Welch, a second-grader at Park Elementary School in Baltimore, said he was trying to nibble his strawberry Pop Tart into a mountain.

"It was already a rectangle and I just kept on biting it and biting it and tore off the top and it kinda looked like a gun but it wasn't," Josh said. "All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but it didn't look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun kinda."

But when his teacher saw what he had done, the boy says she got "pretty mad" and he knew he was "in big trouble."

This lady teacher is a flaming idiot amongst flaming idiots. A young boy is eating a Pop Tart and accused of doing a terrible thing. How many coupons did this person have to save to get their teaching certificate? I wonder if their degree is from the Uzbekistan online university. It would make sense. I suggest she pursue a career more suited to her abilities, such as a test subject for a pharmaceutical firm.

“I just hit the kid next to me.”
“Stop it.”
“I just got the answers for the tests from your desk.”
“Don't do it again.”
“I just nibbled a Pop Tart and it looks like a gun.”
“What? We don't tolerate such behavior at Anne Arundel County schools. You're going to see the principal this minute. If you want to stay out of trouble just spend your time hitting other kids and stealing test answers.”
“Okay.”

Josh's dad was called by the school and informed that his son had been suspended for two days.
"I asked if was anyone was hurt, they said 'No'," B.J. Welch said. "I would almost call it insanity. I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school -- real threats, bullies, whatever the issue is. It's a pastry."

“Josh's dad gets a grade of “A” for calling it insanity. I'm torn between calling it either stupidity or ignorance. They both seem to apply. At the most, Josh should have been told to not do that by the teacher. That should have been the end of it. To give him a two-day suspension for such a ridiculous thing, makes the school's discipline look ridiculous. Is chewing food into the shape of a weapon in their school handbook? Can you get suspended for threatening flatulence? I would be surprised if this in their handbook.

The school sent home a letter with every student informing parents that: "A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture."
Josh, who suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and enjoys art classes said that his actions were innocent, according to a report in the Daily Mail.

These flaming idiots actually sent a letter home to parents telling them a student used food to make an inappropriate gesture. If I were a parent getting this letter, I would've laughed so hard my stomach would've hurt. I can only hope the next inappropriate gesture made with food involves a specific digit.

This Pop-Tart gun story inspired a lawmaker in Texas.  

A story about a lawmaker who introduced a law to prevent punishment for students making gun-shaped snacks.

If one Texas Democrat has his way, no grade schoolers in his state will ever be punished for pretending their fingers are guns or fashioning their food to resemble firearms.
“Texas students shouldn’t lose instruction time for holding gun-shaped Pop-Tart snacks at school,” Rep. Ryan Guillen, D-Rio Grande City, told the Houston Chronicle. “This bill will fix this.”

Is this an epidemic? Are there grade schoolers around the country who are chewing their pasty snacks to look like a firearm? Does this rise to the level of a public official wanting to protect kids with laws? Too bad for Josh lives in Maryland. This law would only apply to firearm chewing grade schoolers in Texas.

Guillen said his proposed legislation was inspired by the case of Josh Welch, the Maryland 7-year-old who was suspended in 2013 after chewing his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun. While Welch was given a lifetime membership, to the National Rifle Association, school officials said he exhibited bad behavior before his suspension.

I would love to know what the officials from Josh's school consider bad behavior. Chewing bubble gum and acting like its tobacco? I hope Josh enjoys his lifetime membership to the National Rifle Association. I'm wondering why Kellogg didn't get him some free Pop Tarts.  I'm sure in time Josh will progress from chewing Pop Tarts into guns and shooting the real thing. I have some suggestions for pictures he could put on a b bullseye for target practice.

It's a shame that a young boy had to have this experience at school. It's even worse that a school's administration would support such a stupid reason to suspend a kid. Maybe if schools want to stop bullying, maybe they should start with teachers and administrators.

The case went to court and a judge upheld the pop tart gun suspension.

Here is a link to the story.

https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/jun/17/pop-tart-gun-suspension-upheld-by-maryland-judge/

Actual Study: Men More Likely To Be Helpful To Women Wearing High Heels

When I read this, I wondered what was the purpose of this study. Is it designed to show that men are thick-headed neanderthals who only offer help based on the shoes a woman is wearing? Does this mean women who want a man to help them should wear high heels? 

“Would help me move the furniture in my apartment?”
“Will you be wearing high heels?”
“Ah, sure, if that's important to you.”
“There is a study you must read. It'll explain everything.
“Oh.”

This is an actual study. Below are excerpts of the study in bold, and my valuable insights are in italics.

Published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the study reveals that men are more likely to pay attention to women and be quicker to help them when they are wearing high heels than when they are wearing flat shoes.

I think it always appears to us men that women wearing high heels need more help. The women wearing high heels seem to be on mini-stilts. This is why it gets so much attention. It's difficult to avoid looking at someone on stilts walking in the office or down the street. There's always that tense silence as you wonder if they're going to make it.

Study author Nicolas Guéguen, of the Université de Bretagne-Sud in France, notes that past research has shown that a woman's appearance - including their body size and style of clothing - can influence a man's behavior toward them.
But he says only one study has looked at how the size of woman’s shoe heels affects men's attitudes. As such, he set out to investigate further.

Those French are something. If I were able to speak to this researcher I would say “Nicolas, Nico buddy, what's going on? Aye, like what are you doing here? Trying to say that men are influenced by a woman's shoes? Do you see the outfits women wear when they have on high heels? I think the high heel and outfit combo should be taken into consideration if you know what I mean. It ain't like women are wearing high heels and have on a muumuu, know what I'm saying? Think about that next time you're busy scarfing down some snails with your Bordeaux.”

The study consisted of four experiments. In the first experiment - which involved 90 men - Guéguen analyzed their responses to a 19-year-old woman wearing either flat shoes or high heels after she asked them to complete a survey on gender equality.

Were these French men? They look at women differently than men from other countries. So, what did this 19-year-old woman look like? Was she a piece of eye candy wearing high heels? What did she wear with her flat shoes? A muumuu? How much Bordeaux did this guy have while analyzing these responses? I'm just saying.

In a second experiment - involving 180 women and 180 men - four women wearing either flat shoes or high heels asked participants to complete a survey on local food habit consumption.

Now we double down on the study participants. I think the girl's looks, facial expressions and more play a role when it comes to convincing men to complete a survey. Who cares about shoes? Getting a guy to do a survey on local food habit consumption takes some selling skills.

In a third experiment, Guéguen assessed the helpfulness of 180 men and 180 women when a woman dropped a glove in the street while wearing high heels and while wearing flat shoes.

Let's face it, a woman is less likely to fall when wearing flat shoes. Whey they're up on their fashionable stilt shoes, they could have a terrible fall. Seems like guys have the right idea. Women in high heels seem more prone to fall if they bend over to pick something up. Women wearing flat shoes are probably more likely to participate in a fun game of touch football.

The final experiment took place in a bar, where Guéguen monitored the behavior of 36 young men toward women who were wearing flat shoes and women who were wearing heels.

What kind of bar? Was it a place where bikers hangout? Was it a place where there was pole dancing? Was it a sports bar? What were the ages of these 36 men? The older you get the less you worry about a woman's shoes. The more you worry about if she'll be in good condition to safely drive you home at the end of the night.

Based on his findings, Guéguen believes that a woman's shoe heel size "exerts a powerful effect on men's behavior," and the study provides more evidence that a woman's appearance affects how men interact with the opposite sex.
Guéguen points out that one explanation for these findings may be that men associate women who wear high heels with sexual intent, possibly because this is the impression given off through the use of attractive female models wearing high heels in the media.

Hey Guegey, there are some women who wear high heels to attract men. This is okay.  Some of these women commonly go to bars. Who cares about female models wearing high heels in the media? Women who want to attract men will wear high heels and certain clothes so men notice them. Why don't you do a study on why women wear high heels when they want to attract men? Were you paid in Bordeaux and snails for this study?

Another explanation, Guéguen says, is that women's gait - the way they walk - changes when wearing high heels, which may increase their attractiveness for men. "Previous research examining female nonverbal behavior reported that subtle variations, including gait, were associated with variations in men attractiveness judgment and behavior," he notes.
Guéguen says that such explanations are hypothetical, however, and further research is warranted to confirm what drives men to be more helpful toward a woman wearing high heels.

A woman's gait should change when they wear high heels. They're focusing on walking and balancing. I'm sure my friend Guegey wants to do more research. Maybe the next study could be why women are more attracted to men wearing expensive tennis shoes rather than those purchased at a Dollar store. (Sarcasm Alert) It will probably render information that is just as valuable as this study.

Here is a link to the story.

Press Release for Guegey High Heel Study

Labor Day Is A Time To Celebrate Working People

Today is Labor Day. It is a day set aside to honor the working men and women in our country. What a great way to celebrate working people. You have a day when they don't have to work. This is a federally sanctioned day off from the job that has been officially recognized since the late 1800s. In European countries and other parts of the world, May Day celebrations are held. They are all designed to celebrate workers and labor unions. Some people refer to it as an international workers holiday. I wonder if it could also be considered an international day of picnics.

Governmental Recognition
The recognition of Labor Day began small and quickly grew. It began being regularly celebrated in 1882. Local governments began to pass ordinances recognizing Labor day in 1885 and in 1886. Oregon was the first state to officially recognize Labor Day in 1887. The United States Congress passed an act designating the first Monday in September as Labor day on June 28, 1894. I'm sure that Congress was not happy that their member had to actually work that day. It seems many government officials celebrate Labor Day by not working most of the year whether its official or not.

First Labor Day Celebration
According to historians, the first unofficial labor Day celebration was held in New York City on September 5, 1882. The celebration activities consisted of picnics, concerts, and speeches. Approximately 10,000 workers paraded from City Hall to Union Square. It was considered a day to talk about the concerns of workers. A time to discuss providing workers with better wages and working conditions. This was a time before the Jerry Lewis Telethon was also a Labor Day consideration. There are currently some great Labor Day celebrations. It's now difficult to discuss anything other than how to get home in time to get ready for work the next day.

Labor Day Founder
The first person who came up with the idea of having a Labor Day celebration is a controversial topic. There is one group of historians who believe Peter J. McGuire is responsible. He was the general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners. McGuire was also a co-founder of the American Federation of Labor. There is also now a group who believe that a Matthew Maguire of the International Association of Machinists suggested the holiday in 1882. At that time, Maguire held the position of secretary of the Central Labor Union in New York. I sometimes wonder if the International Federation of Picnic providers influenced the creation of Labor Day.

Labor Day Shopping
Shopping is now a big part of the Labor Day celebration. Many retailers have their largest sales volume during Labor Day weekend. This sales volume is second only to the day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday. I suppose a good way to celebrate Labor Day is working and being glad to have a job. Retail workers make up 24 percent of the workforce in the United States. Their industry is usually too busy working to take time off and celebrate Labor Day or any holiday.

Sports
Labor Day is also a weekend when the NFL and college football teams begin their seasons. This means that fantasy football and sports betting are a big part of the Labor Day celebration for many people. The National Hot Rod Association holds their finals for the United States National Drag Race on Labor Day weekend.

Something For Everyone
It does seem that Labor Day has something for everyone. It's a weekend of picnics, sports, shopping, telethons and more. It's also a time to look at all the goods and services we enjoy and appreciate the efforts of individuals responsible for making them possible. From the factory worker to the retail clerk as well as all other workers, our nation couldn't survive without them. I just hope you appreciate all the work I put into bringing this column to you.

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