If you ever wonder what crazy people do with their time, look no further than viewing the actions of those individuals associated with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals otherwise known as PETA.
Members of this group have actually filed a lawsuit against Sea World for, of all things, violating the 13th Amendment on slavery. There were five orcas listed as plaintiffs. A U.S. District Court judge dismissed the case. In his ruling he wrote "the only reasonable interpretation of the Thirteenth Amendment's plain language is that it applies to persons, and not to non-persons such as orcas."
Has anyone ever seen orcas at Sea World forced to pick cotton in a field while being chained together? I think I must have missed that show.
The attorneys for PETA makes me wonder if a law license comes with an application for a life-time supply of medical marijuana. The judge’s ruling has restored my faith in the system a bit. The judge actually praised PETA’s attorneys for striving to protect orcas. I can only hope it’s been awhile since the judge’s life-time supply of medical marijuana has been replenished.
I can only imagine what it would look like if this case had gone to trial. I’m sure it would’ve been a real “kangaroo court.” Sorry, couldn’t resist.
How would you get an orca to take the stand? Would they have a person fluent in orca to translate what the plaintiffs were saying?
“Mr. Orca during your time at Sea World have you ever felt like a slave?”
“Grooooong, heeeep, heeep gwoooog, geeeep.”
“The orca said we all look like we’d taste pretty good right now. He’d rather be jumping out of the water and chasing stuff around the pool.”
“Mr. Orca are you resentful that you don’t live in the ocean?”
“Grooooong, heeeep, heeep gwoooog, geeeep noooog.”
“The orca said he really didn’t get along with his family all that good and it’s nice to be away from them. He does miss the taste of the occasional penguin and shark but he does get plenty of fish so it’s not so bad”
Valparaiso Law Professor Rebecca J. Huss, whose own medical marijuana supply I can only imagine must be replenished quite often, wrote an article in 2002 stating "just as with corporations, ships, and other nonhumans who have not always been treated as persons, it is possible to change the personhood status of animals."
Huh? With all due respect to attorneys, there are those of us who read this, think of law school and wonder just how hard could it possibly be. Years of law school and you have nothing better to do with your time than worry about changing the personhood status of animals?
I think the reality of this situation is that right now, in our country, there are too many attorneys and not enough legal work to go around. These industrious individuals are being quite creative in making work for themselves.
The next thing PETA will probably do is file a class action lawsuit on behalf of sheep against wolves. Attorneys will probably soon be able to negotiate property disputes between Grizzly Bears.
“Your honor my client clearly urinated on that tree first and under the unspoken bear law that makes it his territory.”
“Objection your honor, the bark that my client urinated on clearly was rubbed off by the defendant and as such it must remain his territory.”
The judge sighs, looks at the plaintiff’s attorney, the defendant’s attorney and says “Grooooong, heeeep, heeep gwoooog, geeeep noooog.”
The interpreter says “The orca said he wants to go back to Sea World where he belongs. Being a judge with these crazy attorneys is too much for him.”
I know that filing lawsuits like this gets attorneys and PETA a lot of media attention. In their minds they probably feel it gets people thinking about their issues. The reality is that such things get many of us wondering what has happened to the legal profession.
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