Blame it on Chocolate and Beer

My comments are in Italics

In a February 10, 2012 story an American Indian tribe is suing some of the world's largest beer makers claiming they knowingly contributed to devastating alcohol-related problems on South Dakota's Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.

This makes sense to me.  I’m considering a lawsuit against chocolate makers for contributing to the devastating effects of tooth decay, weight gain and sugar rushes.  I mean, sure they don’t actually MAKE me eat chocolate but why should I take responsibility for my actions?

The Oglala Sioux Tribe of South Dakota said it is demanding $500 million in damages for the cost of health care, social services and child rehabilitation caused by chronic alcoholism on the reservation, which encompasses some of the nation's most impoverished counties

I think I’ll demand a few million from the chocolate companies for damages and the cost of my dentist and the high price of belonging to a gym.  It’s not like I actually go to a gym but if I win this lawsuit I just may start.  Especially if they sell chocolate energy bars.

The lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court of Nebraska also targets four beer stores in Whiteclay, a Nebraska town near the reservation's border that, despite having only about a dozen residents, sold nearly 5 million cans of beer in 2010.

These are some real beer drinking residents!  I wonder if the store sells chocolate.

Tribal leaders and activists blame the Whiteclay businesses for chronic alcohol abuse and bootlegging on the Pine Ridge reservation, where all alcohol is banned.  They say most of the stores' customers come from the reservation.

Is this a case of a store serving its customers too good?  Does this store stop at homes on the reservation and force people to the store to purchase alcohol?  That would probably cut down on DUIs.  I say they should throw the lack of a bus from the store in the lawsuit and go for broke!

"You cannot sell 4.9 million 12-ounce cans of beer and wash your hands like Pontius Pilate, and say we've got nothing to do with it being smuggled," said Tom White, the tribe's Omaha-based attorney.

Wow, this store has real power.  The attorney believes the beer place can sentence people to death by drinking beer.  I’m sure there are many death row inmates who would love to get that punishment.  I wonder if the store provides its customers with a beer smuggler discount.

 

The vast majority of Whiteclay's beer store customers have no legal place to consume alcohol since it's banned on Pine Ridge.  State law prohibits drinking outside the stores and the nearest town that allows alcohol is more than 20 miles south.

Gee, I wonder why alcohol is such a problem here.  I suppose it’s a mystery why this ban on alcohol hasn’t been more successful since prohibition worked out so well.  Maybe the attorney believes himself to be an Indian version of Eliot Ness.

The Connecticut-sized reservation has struggled with alcoholism and poverty for generations, despite an alcohol ban in place since 1832.  Pine Ridge legalized alcohol in 1970 but restored the ban two months later and an attempt to allow it in 2004 died after a public outcry.

I’m going to go out on a limb here.  Maybe alcohol isn’t really the problem.  Could it be something a bit deeper?  An alcohol ban that’s been in place for 180 years and hasn’t worked might just be an indication that something is a bit off.

The tribe views the lawsuit as a last resort after numerous failed attempts to curb the abuse through protests and public pressure on lawmakers.

They believe their problems with alcohol have nothing to do with people in the tribe and everything to do with the government?  Talk about washing your hands like Pontius Pilate.

White said the tribal council voted unanimously about four months ago to hire his law firm.

Is it possible the tribal council might have done better to hire some substance abuse specialists instead of an attorney?  It seems to me even if you take away the alcohol you’ll still have the cause for its abuse at the reservation.  I bet taking chocolate out of stores and banning it wouldn’t end obesity or tooth decay.  It’s just easier to blame chocolate.

Nebraska lawmakers considering legislation this year to limit the types of alcohol sold in areas like Whiteclay.  The measure would require local authorities to ask the state to designate the area an "alcohol impact zone."  

Can you imagine a "chocolate imapct zone?"  I’m afraid when this doesn’t work these people will find another substance to blame for their problems.  I hope it’s not chocolate as that’s the substance I’m busy blaming all my problems on.