When people finish school, they are always looking for a career to pursue. It's a time when individuals can evaluate their skills, training, and talent to search for a career that meets their abilities. There are a number of vocations to pursue in this world. In China, you can have a career as a flatulence smeller. I never realized that smelling obnoxious odors that come out of people can be done by professionals. I suppose I talk like all amateur flatulence smellers. This is a real story.
Below are excerpts from the story in bold. My valuable insights are in italics.
According to Chinese news sources, the hottest career in health and physical well-being right now focuses entirely on analyzing the smells of others' rectal gas.
By picking up on traces sweet, savory, bitter and even meaty aromas, these brave anal analyzers are allegedly able to identify illnesses and pinpoint their location in the body.
Can you imagine sitting in a room full of guys and someone lets go some seriously disgusting flatulence and a professional fart-smeller is in the room?
“Ah, that's gross Dan.”
“Man, something crawled up inside you and died.”
“I'm calling a Hazmat team.”
An oriental man stands up with a serious expression.
“Dan, it is obvious by the smell of your flatulence that you are developing an ulcer. I suggest you see your physician immediately.”
“You mean it isn't all the Mexican food I ate and beer I drank?”
“No, I'm a professional flatulence smeller. I know these things.”
According to the smellsperts, extremely stinky farts indicate a bacterial infection in the patient's bowels or intestines. A raw, fishy or meaty smell, meanwhile, could point to infection in the digestive organs or even highlight the presence of bleeding or tumors in the intestinal lining.
Wow, going to the hospital would be an entirely new experience. A doctor could order you to have a blood test, urine test and more. Then the physician could look at you and say “Could you fart for me?”
“What?”
“I need to determine if you have a bacterial infection in your bowels or intestines.”
“I don't have to fart.”
The doctor turns to the nurse.
“Get this man some broccoli and baked beans right away.”
“Yes, doctor.”
But it's not just the whiff of our farts that gives telltale signs about our health. The group also claims to be able to tell a lot about a person's physical well being by measuring the amount of gas expelled with each fart, with enormous guffs suggesting that we're consuming too much fiber and mere whispers hinting at intestinal obstruction.
Oh, guys on college campuses around the country are often proud of long, loud flatulence. It will get reactions from people a football field away. Now we know the real gifted ones had too much fiber in their diet.
“Oh Zek, why can't I fart loud and long like you?”
“Well my little freshman friend, it's all in the diet. Bump up the fiber and good things will happen.”
“Thanks and anything else?”
“You could also have an intestinal obstruction but don't let that stop you from achieving your long, loud farting goal.”
“I won't, I promise you.”
Those hoping to break into the industry must be aged 18-45, completely abstain from smoking and alcohol, and be free of any kind of nasal impairment or related illness. If you fit the bill, you must then undergo a series of smell recognition tests and complete a long training course. Only then, ladies and gentlemen, only then will you receive your certification to smell other people's farts on a daily basis!
Who knew the fart smelling profession had such high standards? I suppose you don't want a drunk person analyzing your farts. What kind of classes do they have for fart smelling professionals? “How to tell a healthy fart from an unhealthy one” “How to tell if a fart is caused by beer or a tumor.” “The high fiber fart and what to tell your patients about it.”
I wonder if this conversation takes place in China.
“My youngest son is an engineer; my daughter is a business executive and my oldest son is a professional fart sniffer.”
“Very impressive.”
“Yes, his uncle on his mother's side and grandfather were both professional fart sniffers. It's good to carry on the family tradition.”
Here is a link to the story.
Professional Fart Smelling Career In China Story
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