Regnad Kcin Interview II: Regnad Expands His Influence

Due to the overwhelming response to my last interview with Regnad Kcin, I decided to see what he is currently doing.  I recently interviewed him at a lake resort at the Gålå Høgfjellshotel.


Regnad welcome back to readmikenow. Since we last spoke I understand things with you have been going very well with you. Do you care to elaborate?

Yes, it’s true. Things have been going quite well actually. Finally, in my mid-50’s, I have had that late growth spurt I have been waiting for and I now top out at 5 foot 9 inches tall! Yes, finally I am taller than the Kenny the Kangaroo at Kennywood Park. This summer I will finally get my chance to conquer The Steel Phantom. Although to be fair, I do find the Teacups to be quite the challenge. I suppose they might not be as terrifying if I did not load up on warm tequila and Hostess cupcakes beforehand. 

Is it true that you are now teaching a course about starting a business at Borgenjemmet University? The fighting "Ratatosk squirrels."

Yes indeed. I was given a Professor Emeritus position at Borrgenmmet University shortly after our last meeting. Although my schedule was quite full at the time, what between running the business, my charity work with the Little Sisters of the Median Income (a small cloister located in the Grosse Pointe, Michigan area who work tirelessly to provide X-boxes and Roomba self propelled vacuums to homes that cannot afford them) and being an alternate to the Swedish Floorken Dance International Team … time was a at a premium. (In case you are not familiar, Floorken is an ancient dance  of my people where three teams of six form in circles of three and then in a cross between a clog and a waltz, dance around a large hog wearing a fancy felt hat with a wreath of figs around it’s neck….a clamoring chorus rises in crescendo until we all fall to the floor where we ‘ken’ (spasms really) all in hopes of ushering in a bountiful fall harvest of beets, turnips and floork [small cabbage like vegetables that smell curiously like vanilla and rotted meat]. It’s a beautiful tradition). 

But the professorship was something I could not turn down. I have been a long time supporter of the Mighty Ratatosk Squirrels especially since my undergraduate days. We may not have won many titles or cups but no one can forget the horrible keening of our cheers! “We snatch victory like a grabbing a handful of large pearls! Go go go Mighty Squirrels!” which is followed by a prolonged high pitched squeal that can break glass. 

Forgive me…I tend to get a little misty eyed when I think about those days.

I understand the course filled up quickly and you've been asked to teach another one next semester because of such high interest. What would you attribute the desire of so many students to learn about your ideas of creating a business?

I have to admit that I am not quite sure what the appeal is over my course “Regnad Kcin Unveils the Secret to Unimaginable Wealth and Power through Unconventional Approaches to Business  (and how to pick up women or men …whatever’. It’s a mystery to me. I will tell you Mike, perhaps it’s my approach to teaching. I try not to follow any sort of tried and true syllabus or study system. Mine is more of a ‘hey, let’s just rap and see what happens approach’ and the kids do seem to respond to it. We have classes outside. Inside. In coffee shops. A few times we have held classes while transferring on city buses all over the city….and we had mid-terms on trampolines. Admittedly it was tough to read some of the answers but the kids adapted. And Mike, that’s the name of the game in business. Adapt!

How do you explain walking on campus and seeing so many students wearing sweatshirts, hats as well as stickers with “Regnad Rocks” on them?

Oh I don’t really. You know kids. When they find something that ‘clicks’ they are all in. Frankly I am flattered by the attention. And I am glad that they have gone to the sweatshirts and hats as opposed to the early days of this when it was Speedos (which would only reveal the entire slogan on some of our huskier students) and rain slickers. And let’s not even talk about the kids who had the slogan bedazzled onto their jean jackets. I have to admit to feeling a little sad that so many Chevy symbols and Foghat patches having been removed for my name. 

Some have called your methods of starting and building a business insane, ridiculous and mysteriously succeeding beyond all reality. What do you say to people who state this about your methods?

As we discussed the last time Mike, sour grapes. Just sour grapes. These are the same folks who spend more time smoking brandy and drinking their cigars (odd but true) sitting in dark paneled rooms in a mens club somewhere poo-pooing any ideas that were not crapped out by Carnegie, Frick or DuPont. If you cannot ‘adapt’ (see above) you are doomed to extinction. Just ask the dodo bird or the Ford Fairlane. It is my belief that had the dodo simply grown arms and developed a computing language there would be a dodo on every board of executives around the world. Wait a minute….perhaps there are…..*guffaw* As far as the Ford Fairlane…well, okay that was doomed to perish.

You have been criticized for using advertising methods such as paying people to tattoo your logo and web address on their bodies. You've also come under fire for giving away free bikinis with your image and web address on them. How do you respond to these critics?

I will not apologize for utilizing whatever marketing methods that are available. It is press like this, both positive and negative, that keeps the name Regand Kcin on the lips of people worldwide. And hey, look, we stop with these tactics when they stop working. Example: we stopped dropping leaflets over Munich after it came to our attention that this brought back some rather ugly memories for some of the older residents. We no longer give away a free mince pie with purchase. Apparently mince pies do not have a long shelf life and the resultant diarrhea related lawsuits were not worth the return we were getting on the sale of our products. See? We’re a company with a heart. 

As with all people who are successful there are rumors. Is it true you negotiated a deal with a foreign country to provide a sun tan lotion that protects against the sun and makes it possible for people to be stuck on a wall after application? They say this would do away with handcuffs and jails as well as create a new form of art expression. Any truth to it?

A happy accident actually. I was trying to make a roix in my kitchen one evening (did you know that I am bit of a gourmet?) and apparently confused gorilla glue with pure flour and voila! A slight explosion and my manservant Geoffrey was propelled against the wall where I tried for hours to free him. We actually had to have him jack hammered off the wall to get him free of his impromptu prison. 

We are hoping he will be released from the hospital within the next few months. God speed Geoffrey.

But once I had seen this ‘product’ in action, I immediately found applications for it. Unfortunately the market is a little slim for this sort of thing so we had to talk to a few smaller nations located in the central america region. We are hoping that negotiations will continue. 

There have been pictures of you on the web going out on dates with the entire Swedish girls winter chocolate wrestling team. How is this possible?

Viagra. Celais, St. Johns Wort, duct tape, popsicle sticks and the entire Barry White catalogue on digital. 

Currently the only competitor for many of your businesses is Blodughov Gullveig. Didn't he at one time work for you as an assistant before starting his companies?

Bah! Yesssss…..Blodughov (aka Stinky) did work here for a spell as an assistant. A foul, evil little man who stunk of onions and feet. His tiny pig like eyes so narrow and close together. Even the thought of him makes me bring back my lunch of smelts and dandelions. He broke my heart. We caught him trying to sell our synthetic bull seal pheromones (still in development) to a competitor . I chose to release him from employment as opposed to filing charges as I felt the press would have been too negative for us at that time. The buffoon immediately gathered up all the other small competitors and then through unscrupulous tactics, took them over and formed his own company.  

He is a hack. A cheap imitation. A louse. A loathsome bore.


And I miss him terribly. 

Are you really trying to sponsor a reindeer flatulence contest? Some say it is stupid but you say it's innovative and could someday be an Olympic sport. Is this true?

Well Mike, I do not want to provide too many details as the Olympic Committee is showing some serious interest in the Poot Games (as they are being called at this point). But yes, we have spent a considerable amount of time and money in developing this ‘sport’. Oh it’s great fun. The competition can be fierce. However we did have to work hard to convince the competitors not try too hard during competition. It’s an art. Too much effort when a reindeer tries to fart and you end up with a totally different competition. Haha. The most difficult part was trying to find the proper diet to get just the right effect. Turns out it was American cheese slices, lima beans and kale washed down with a chocolate Yoo Hoo. 

What are some things we can expect from you in the future?

For me, the future is a blank slate. I may one day tire of business and move into politics. There is a small third world jungle nation that I have had my eye on for some time now. I think I could make the transition from business leader to jungle fatigued, aviator glasses wearing potentate with relative ease. Or perhaps I will simply disappear for a time only to reappear as a Mexican soap opera star! Hard to say Mike. But rest assured, I will most certainly be available to you when it is at all possible.

Thanks for another interview with ReadMikeNow

You are quite welcome. Thank you. Please be careful on your return home. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Seriously. Don’t. Those are a donation that the office staff has taken up for Geoffrey.

REALITY

Regnad Kicn is actually a long time friend of mine. His name is Nick. I forget his last name. I'm sure he has one. He works at some company in Pittsburgh. I'm not sure which one. He does work and have a pretty good job. I actually have no idea why he agreed to do this, but he did.

(From last interview)

Anything you'd like the followers of ReadMikeNow to know about you Nick? Some of them may know you a bit better than me, but probably not longer.

Anything else? Hmm. I have webbed toes and I am not ashamed of it. Makes me quite formidable in the pool.