There are many times when people who know me will
throw something written, produced or created by someone espousing a liberal
point of view. They often toss these
things at me then run and hide. They
watch from a distance and try not to laugh as they know I usually have a very
negative response.
Recently someone tossed a DVD with the title “No
Impact Man” and issued me a challenge to watch it. As I put it into my DVD player I could see
people all around my house hiding behind trees and shrubs. They were chuckling and trying not to
laugh. There was a minute I felt I was
surrounded by munchkins in the land of OZ.
For those of you who don’t know it “No Impact Man”
is a 2009 documentary based on a year-long project conducted by a very
delusional liberal named Conlin Beavan who lives in New York City. In 2010 Mr. Beavan released a book about his
experience called. “No Impact Man: The Adventures of a Guilty Liberal Who
Attempts to Save the Planet, and the Discoveries He Makes About Himself and Our
Way of Life in the Process.” (Do Da, Do Da Do Da…I find the title a bit long)
I don’t think Mr. Beavan intended for this to be a
comedy but to me it was hilarious. I
just couldn’t take it serious.
In the documentary Mr. Beavan is married with a wife
who has a job as a writer. She appears
to be a very pleasant person who seems to enjoy the latest fashions. It seems that New York City life is her
comfort level. During the documentary
she does cringe at the sight of worms and crabs in the sand. Joining her husband for this experience says
many good things about her. Nothing good
about her ability to see this for what it is, but she appears to be a fine
person. Their daughter is adorable.
During the documentary our man Beavan attempts to
lower his impact on the planet. One of
the things he and his family do is to give up using toilet paper. He justifies this by believing it will save
cutting down trees. I laughed to a point
where my stomach hurt. Liberals are such
silly people.
I would like to take Mr. Beavan and all liberals who
think this way and put them in a room. I
would have two pictures on the wall. One
picture would be of a tree and the other of a tomato plant. I would try and explain that these are both
plants. They’re both renewable
resources. When we use them, we simply
plant seeds and make more. There is no
need to cease the use of toilet paper.
Feel free to have the cleanest butts possible as we can just grow more
trees to support the use of toilet paper.
My fear is that a liberal with more tattoos than
bare skin and piercings in places that would embarrass a hooker would see
things a bit different.
“Whoa, dude, like you’re saying we gotta save the
tomato plant. I guess it’s up to us to
save tomato plants for the world.”
I’d scream “No, you weak-minded, emotionally-needy
idiot. We can continue to grow trees and
tomatoes just like it has been done for centuries.”
Then after blank looks they’d start to organize
protests to save the tomato. They’d
create bogus studies to prove the extinction of the tomato plant is inevitable
unless consumption is reduced.
Politicians would introduce bills to provide subsidies for anyone who
didn’t use tomato plants. Italian
restaurants would be encouraged to find alternate sources for the use of
tomatoes. Weak-minded, emotionally-needy
environmental idiots would protest by occupying tomato fields.
Like all liberals when Conlin Beavan does something
for the environment his efforts cannot go unnoticed. His quest to reduce his impact on the planet
was written about in the New York Times.
He was on national morning shows, late night shows and got other forms
of media attention. (Sarcasm Alert) The
mere fact that he was writing a book and had a documentary about it to promote
meant nothing. Simply because he was
writing a blog shouldn’t even be considered.
He only, ah, did it, to ah, save the planet, yeah, that’s the ticket.
During the documentary we get to see him have an
indoor compost in a box complete with worms.
This makes Mr. Beavan’s wife uncomfortable, but excites his young
daughter. It reminded me of a fifth
grader proud of a science project. He
cuts off his electricity and starts living with candles. This is done during a party with cameras
recording it. He’s depressed about the
loss of electricity until he hooks up solar power to run his computer. We see him and his wife discuss having
another child. We get to watch them
bicycle around New York City and wash their clothes in the bathtub.
Is it possible that New York City resident Mr.
Beavan would ever cheat on his quest for no impact on the planet? I don’t think he’d do it during the time a
camera was recording him.
This is the type of stuff that appeals to the
weak-minded, emotionally-needy liberal types who are not able to comprehend
reality. These people need a cause to
make themselves feel important and what is a more noble cause than trying to
save the planet? It’s too bad that
global warming has proven to be bogus, we can grow trees and most people don’t
pay attention to enviro-liberal types. I
wasn’t upset by the documentary as much as I was humored by it. I think Mr. Beavan knows what he believes,
but that’s all he knows.
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