The Football Watching Recycle Can Can

*ReadMikeNow Column from 2012

The following is a Press Release from the Aluminum Association.  The press release is in bold.  My comments shall be in italics.  I do wonder if the people in this organization actually believe the stuff they’ve written.

Yes, we can! Recycle This Super Bowl for Guilt-free Football Viewing Next Season

I hate to admit that when watching the Super Bowl I really am not thinking about recycling my beer cans.  I'm more interested in throwing them at the television when the ref makes a bad call.

ARLINGTON, Va., /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- The Super Bowl means good friends, good times, good food and plenty of beverages.

(Sarcasm Alert) Good thing they  figured this out.  It wouldn't be  too popular if it meant bad friends, bad times and terrible football with few beverages. 

This year, opting for aluminum cans and recycling offers easier clean-up, better and colder beverages, a greener planet and guilt-free football viewing.

Hey, it’s the Super Bowl.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but when watching the game, I’m not thinking about a greener planet or feeling guilty.  I'm thinking of my team winning so I can talk a lot of smack to the fans of the losing team.

 (Sarcasm Alert)
"Your team just lost the Super Bowl and you lost a lot of money.  How do you feel about it?"
"Oh golley gee, it doesn't matter.  I have a greener planet and I don't feel guilty.  That's all that matters to us true football fans."

Recycling just one 24-pack easily saves enough energy to watch your favorite team all season on their way to Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans.

Huh?  If I don’t recycle my beer can there may not be enough electricity to watch football?  Will this lack of electricity also affect soap opera watchers?  If there's not enough energy to power my television so I can watch the game, I'll need all the beer I can get.

On Sunday, recycling two cans saves the energy required to watch ALL the pre-game, game and post-game coverage of Super Bowl XLVI. Even if you are not hosting this year's block party, you can do your part for guilt-free viewing.

What happens if I like my beer in bottles?  Are we beer bottle drinkers screwed?  If you actually watch all the pre-game and post-game coverage while drinking beer from a bottle, have you disturbed the life force of football and should feel guilty.

"I really like this bottled beer."
"Don't you feel guilty because you're not drinking beer from a can that can be recycled?"
"No, I feel guilty because I made so much money when my team won the game."
"You don't seem guilty."
"I hide it well." 

Can recycling is such an energy saver that if New York Giants' fans recycled 993 cans, a Prius could travel from Giants' Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey to Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Why would they care?  Their team won the Super Bowl.  (Sarcasm Alert) I'm sure as part of their celebration the fans are counting the Prius vehicles that can go to Indiana because they recycled cans.

Not to be outdone, New England Patriots fans can recycle 1,317 cans to make the trip from Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Massachusetts energy neutral.

It makes sense they’d have to drink more, beer but they’d still lose the game against the Giants.  A Superbowl loss could be sustained by 1,317 cans of beer per fan.

Aluminum recycling saves 95 percent of the energy and 95 percent of the greenhouse gases associated with primary production.  Aluminum cans are made of 68 percent recycled material and are 100 percent infinitely recyclable making it the most sustainable beverage packaging available.

Now that I know that what do I do?  Blah, Blah, Blah as long as they have good beer in them who cares? (Sarcasm Alert) I'm going down to the local bar and tell people drinking their beer from a can that they're using the most sustainable beverage packaging available.  I wonder how many people will buy me a beer after sharing this vital piece of information. I wonder how many will throw their empty beer can at me?   

In 2010, Americans recycled 58.1 percent of their aluminum cans; let's support this Super Bowl with a 100 percent recycling rate.

Meet us half way and lower the cost of kegs.  It just may do the trick.

Hosts can offer the best possible option for guests whether they’re serving juice or soda for the kids or the latest local craft beer for the adults.  

They mention juice and soda for kids in the same sentence as beer?  Has this organization no shame? Here's your drinks.  They're from cans so we can recycle them.  Don't worry if it tastes like crap, you can drink it without guilt. 

Cans chill quicker than other package making sure everyone's beverage is refreshing enough to cool the sore throats resulting from screaming at the TV.

I hope members of the medical profession read this.  Beer cures sore throats.  Is there a  cough syrup type of beer that comes in cans now?  I now have a great idea for a business.

Cans offer the easiest clean-up during the post-party slump when invariably someone is crying in the corner over a bad referee call and someone else is jumping on your couch because they won the office football pool.

(Sarcasm Alert) Right…don’t think about your team losing the Super Bowl, think about cleaning up.  Think about how happy you must feel knowing you’ve recycled your beer cans.  Have the people in this organization ever been to a Super Bowl party?  Beer cans have been known to quickly turn into weapons used between winners and losers.

So, if you are looking for a way to be green and while watching the Super Bowl, recycle two cans and you offset the energy.  It's as simple as that.

If someone asks me to watch a Super Bowl game so we can “go green,” I’m calling the dedicated football fan hotline so someone can visit this person and teach them the proper way to drink beer and watch a Super Bowl.  During this game, going green should only refer to getting more guacamole dip!    

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