There are those of us who feel that man-made global warming or climate change is a hoax. If man-made global warming was a scientific fact nobody would be able to dispute it, because it would be a fact and not simply a theory. Unfortunately since it’s a theory there are people who not only believe in man-made global warming or climate change but have come up with some rather creative solutions to solve the problem.
Nippon Airways from Japan must feel tremendous amounts of guilt having their planes gliding through the air spewing out deadly carbon for a profit. In order to alleviate such guilt this airlines actually has a program that asks its passengers not to use the in-flight bathrooms while they are in the air. The reason is the passenger’s bodily waste will cause greater weight on the plane and lead to higher fuel consumption. Huh? After getting molested or radiated by the TSA now you’re going to be asked not to use the airplane bathroom to save the environment. I bet you’ll only be able to use it if you’ve purchased carbon credits from Al Gore.
Nothing makes more sense when fighting a war then to take the environment into consideration when you’re blowing your enemy into oblivion. Scientists from the U.S and Germany have actually been working together to create something called a “green bomb.” The explosives in this device were designed to release fewer toxins then other similar type ordinance. Such explosives are able to work because they get their energy from carbon instead of nitrogen. Now if we can only get terrorists to consider also using environmentally friendly suicide bomb vests, global warming or climate change would probably disappear quickly.
At times there is nothing more freighting than people who call themselves scientists and eagerly demonstrate how they’ve lost their grip on reality. A group of scientists, including a Nobel laureate, presented a unique idea to the United Nations conference on climate change. (If the previously mentioned scientists are reading this the following is sarcasm and not to be considered a cure for man-made global warming or climate change.) They have suggested pumping more smog into the atmosphere would protect the Earth from the devastation brought forth by greenhouse gasses because the extra smog would block all the excessive heat. These are obviously the type of scientists who necessitate the wearing of sunglasses around them so their intellectual brilliance does not blind you. Hey, they just may be onto something here. If that works I bet having someone with lung cancer smoke more tobacco products might cause a layer of smoke to surround the disease and prevent it from spreading to other parts of the body. Sounds like a great idea. What could go wrong? Get your sunglasses on around me from now on because I’m feeling like a scientist.
I never knew there was such a thing as a glaciologist but it appears there are such scientific-type people. They study glaciers, ice and natural phenomena. I don’t know exactly where they get these people or if long exposures to ice and glaciers can cause brain damage in them. An American glaciologist suggested the melting nation of Greenland could be saved by wrapping a giant blanket around the valleys that attract more of the sun’s heat in an effort to prevent them from melting. Think of the all the business opportunities this presents. Travel brochures could tell people to come see Greenland’s beautiful ice covered valleys protected by the world’s largest blanket. Blanket manufacturers could claim they’re selling a blanket made from the same material as the one protecting the ice of Greenland. I say if your country is melting into the sea why not make a little money on the situation before you need a jet ski for a family outing.
We all love celebrities. We’re impressed with their music and marvel at their acting talents. We love them so much that when they aren’t reading from a script or singing a song we overlook how they sound like total idiots. Environmental champion Singer Sheryl Crow has taken on the cause of cutting down on excessive waste in the name of expanded population. She actually proposes a limitation on the number of squares of toilet paper can be used in one sitting. I’d sure hate to use too many squares and the roll automatically alert the police who come and arrest me for excessive toilet paper usage. It might work if they offer a discount for 12 ply toilet paper.
Unfortunately for cows environmental scientists don’t like them. They believe cows produce more gas then people at a beer drinking contest in a Mexican restaurant. Environmental scientists love kangaroos because they’re the only species of animal that cannot break wind. This makes sense because I don’t ever recall a kangaroo asking anybody to pull its finger. Scientists in Australia decided to take the anti-farting ability bacteria out of the kangaroo and reproduce it in the cow. Let’s hope cows don’t start hopping around stuffing things in their pouch.
It’s good to know that people are trying to come up with solutions to a scientific hoax that remains a theory. The scientists and other people mentioned need to have something to work at. If they didn’t have global warming or climate change to spend their time on they just might try something real and then we’d all be in serious trouble.
No comments:
Post a Comment